top of page

FOLLOW US

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Threads
  • LinkedIn

Toxic Till the End: The Mental Toll of Loving Someone Who Breaks You Down

  • Writer: Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
    Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
  • Dec 18, 2024
Romeo + Juliet

Have you ever found yourself in a relationship where you just couldn’t walk away, even when every part of you screamed to get out? Rosé’s song “Toxic Till the End” captures the complicated, destructive love that so many of us have experienced. In her haunting lyrics, she sings:


"Call us what we are,

Toxic from the start.

Can't pretend that I was in the dark."


The song chronicles the experience of loving someone who pulls you into a toxic, manipulative cycle. It’s not just about arguing or disagreements—it’s about a slow burn that breaks down your sense of self, your peace of mind, and eventually your mental health.


In her own words, Rosé describes a relationship marked by jealousy, manipulation, and emotional warfare, where the lines between love and pain blur so much that it becomes difficult to tell where one ends and the other begins.


What happens when you’re stuck in a toxic relationship, one that you know is slowly eroding your happiness, but still can’t seem to escape? This is more than a love song—it’s an anthem for anyone who’s ever loved someone who couldn’t love them back in a healthy way. Let’s explore the toll of being in such a relationship and what you can do if you find yourself stuck in one.


The Mental Toll of Staying in a Toxic Relationship


In “Toxic Till the End,” Rosé sings:

"Back then when I was running out of your place,

I said, 'I never wanna see your face.'

I meant I couldn’t wait to see it again."


This line hits home for so many of us. We’ve all been in situations where we know that the relationship is unhealthy, but the pull is so strong that we keep returning to it. It’s that mix of love and pain that confuses the mind and traps the heart.


Staying in a toxic relationship can take a serious toll on your mental health, and here’s why:


1. Anxiety and Uncertainty


Toxic relationships keep you in a constant state of anxiety. Like Rosé’s lyrics, “You were plotting how to stay in my head.” When someone is manipulating you, whether subtly or overtly, you are constantly on edge, trying to anticipate their next move, their next argument, or their next manipulation. The uncertainty of this emotional rollercoaster keeps your nervous system on high alert, draining your energy and peace of mind.


2. Emotional Manipulation and Gaslighting


Rosé’s ex, as she sings, is manipulative—“Jealous and possessive, so manipulating, honestly impressive.” In these relationships, you may find yourself questioning your reality, your feelings, and even your worth. Manipulative partners excel at gaslighting, making you feel crazy or confused about things you once knew to be true. The constant doubt erodes your mental health, leaving you second-guessing everything.


3. Loss of Self-Worth


“I can’t forgive you for a lot of things.

For not giving me back my Tiffany rings.

I’ll never forgive you for one thing, my dear—

You wasted my prettiest years.”


Rosé’s words speak volumes to the emotional toll of staying in a toxic relationship: It’s not just about the hurtful things someone does—it’s about the years you lose, the energy you waste, and the sense of self you gradually give away. You may find yourself questioning your value, feeling unworthy of anything better, and trapped in the belief that this is the best love you’ll ever get.


4. The Cycle of Reconciliation and Conflict


The song speaks to the all-too-familiar cycle of breaking up and making up, where the relationship goes from peaceful to toxic and back again, leaving you emotionally drained. As Rosé sings, “Cause even when I said it was over, you heard, 'Baby, can you pull me in closer?'" This cycle of reconciliation keeps you coming back, even when you know it’s not healthy. The emotional highs become addicting, and you find yourself trapped in a cycle that’s hard to break.


5. Emotional Exhaustion


Living with constant emotional ups and downs leaves you exhausted. You’re emotionally drained, yet constantly trying to fix things or make your partner happy. Like Rosé’s ex, the partner keeps demanding more, pulling you in deeper, “Playing with the pieces in my chest." It’s as if you’re on a chessboard, never sure of where you stand and always fearing the next move. This emotional exhaustion can make it hard to focus on anything else, leading to burnout, depression, and anxiety.


How to Break Free from the Toxic Cycle


If you find yourself stuck in a toxic relationship that you can’t easily escape, you’re not alone. Breaking free from this cycle is incredibly difficult, but it’s possible. Here are some steps to reclaim your mental health:


1. Recognize the Toxicity


The first step is acknowledging the toxicity of the relationship. Rosé sings, “I should’ve known it then that you were...” The signs of manipulation, jealousy, emotional neglect, and control may have been there from the start. Recognizing this is the first step in protecting your mental health. You have to stop justifying unhealthy behavior and realize that you deserve better.


2. Seek External Support


It’s easy to get trapped in the bubble of a toxic relationship, but getting an outside perspective is crucial. Reach out to friends, family, or a therapist who can help you see the situation clearly and validate your feelings. Talking to someone who cares about you can help you rebuild your sense of self-worth and help you understand what’s really going on in the relationship.


3. Set Boundaries


As Rosé sings about her ex’s possessiveness, “You stole that line from me 'cause you're just jealous and possessive.” Setting boundaries is crucial in toxic relationships. It’s okay to say no, to take time for yourself, and to demand respect. Establishing clear boundaries can help reduce the emotional manipulation and give you space to heal.


4. Focus on Self-Care and Healing


Rosé’s song is an emotional reminder that staying in a toxic relationship can rob you of your energy and peace. Prioritize self-care—whether it’s through exercise, meditation, journaling, or simply spending time with people who uplift you. Start building a life that focuses on your well-being, rather than the toxic person who’s been draining you.


5. Take Small Steps Towards Independence


Leaving a toxic relationship is often a process, not an event. Start small—take a break from the relationship, seek professional help, or gradually distance yourself emotionally. The more you focus on your independence, the easier it will become to break the cycle.


The Power to Move On


Ultimately, being stuck in a toxic relationship takes a heavy toll on your mental health. Like Rosé, who reflects on lost time and wasted energy, “You wasted my prettiest years,” you may find yourself regretting the emotional cost. But it’s never too late to change the narrative. You have the power to choose who gets to stay in your life and who doesn’t.


The real question is: How long will you let the toxicity define your future? The next chapter of your life can be filled with peace, love, and authenticity—if you’re ready to walk away from what’s dragging you down.


More Related Articles:


Home Alone and Happy: Mental Health Lessons from a Holiday Classic

  • Writer: Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
    Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
  • Dec 15, 2024
Home Alone and Happy: Mental Health Lessons from a Holiday Classic

When you think of Home Alone, images of mischievous traps, a lonely child outwitting burglars, and a chaotic family reunion might come to mind. It’s a heartwarming, hilarious, and timeless holiday movie that many of us watch year after year. But beyond the comedy and Christmas cheer, Home Alone offers subtle lessons about mental health, especially during the holidays.


As the movie unfolds, we follow Kevin McCallister, an 8-year-old boy who is accidentally left behind by his family during their Christmas vacation. While his situation seems to be the stuff of slapstick comedy, it also raises important themes about loneliness, resilience, and the impact of family dynamics. In a season that is often filled with social pressure, family expectations, and emotional stress, Kevin’s journey is a reminder of how we can better care for our mental health—especially during the holiday season.


1. Loneliness Doesn’t Have to Mean Isolation


Kevin’s initial reaction to being left alone is, understandably, a mix of shock and excitement. As he explores his newfound independence, his joy quickly turns to loneliness. He’s a kid without his family in a large, quiet house, and that isolation takes a toll on his emotional well-being. His story mirrors the reality many people face during the holidays: being physically surrounded by the trappings of a festive season, but feeling emotionally isolated.


The holidays can be particularly hard for those who are separated from family, living alone, or going through a personal struggle. It’s easy to feel left out or disconnected, especially when social media and advertisements portray an idealized version of family togetherness.


Mental Health Takeaway: If you find yourself alone this holiday season, remember that loneliness doesn’t have to mean isolation. While it’s important to acknowledge your feelings, it’s equally important to take steps to connect with others—whether through virtual meetups, volunteering, or nurturing relationships that matter. Home Alone reminds us that even when we're by ourselves, we can still take meaningful actions to improve our mental well-being.


2. The Power of Self-Reliance and Resilience


As the movie progresses, Kevin learns to take care of himself—figuring out how to fend off burglars, shop for groceries, and keep his house safe. His ingenuity and determination are qualities that allow him to thrive, even in a seemingly impossible situation.


In many ways, Kevin's resourcefulness can be seen as a metaphor for resilience. When faced with difficult circumstances, whether it’s an emotionally challenging holiday season or a personal setback, our ability to cope and adapt is critical for our mental health. While the movie is exaggerated for comedic effect, it does show how resourcefulness and self-reliance can boost our confidence and emotional resilience in the face of adversity.


Mental Health Takeaway: Just like Kevin, we all have the inner strength to cope with life's challenges. The holidays may come with their own unique pressures and stressors, but it’s important to remember that you are capable of navigating these moments. Building resilience—through self-care, mindfulness, or leaning on the resources that help you—is essential for maintaining emotional balance during a sometimes overwhelming season.


3. Family Dynamics and Emotional Boundaries


One of the movie’s most relatable themes is the McCallister family’s chaotic dynamic. Kevin’s family, in their hustle and bustle, overlook his needs, and the lack of attention leads to the unfortunate mix-up that leaves him behind. While this scenario is comical in nature, it also highlights a common issue many of us face during the holidays: the pressure to meet family expectations, deal with family conflict, or navigate difficult relationships.


The holidays can magnify emotional tension in families, whether it’s the stress of gift-giving, unresolved conflicts, or the overwhelming expectations of what family gatherings “should” be. Kevin’s need for space—both physical and emotional—reminds us of the importance of setting healthy boundaries during family gatherings. We don’t have to meet everyone’s expectations or endure toxic dynamics to enjoy the season.


Mental Health Takeaway: Setting boundaries is vital for maintaining mental and emotional well-being. Whether it’s limiting your time with family, prioritizing your needs, or simply saying "no" to situations that don’t serve your peace of mind, it’s okay to create emotional space for yourself. Just like Kevin ultimately finds joy in being independent and on his own terms, we too can reclaim our peace by asserting our emotional boundaries.


4. Gratitude and the Power of Connection


Towards the end of Home Alone, Kevin realizes how much he misses his family and the importance of their presence in his life. After fending off the burglars and handling the challenges of being alone, his excitement to reconnect with his family is palpable. His emotional journey reflects a profound shift—from feeling abandoned to understanding the value of connection, love, and belonging.


The movie ends with Kevin's family rushing back to him on Christmas morning, highlighting how essential family and community are for emotional support. But it’s also a reminder that gratitude can help us put things into perspective. Even in the most difficult moments, Kevin learns to appreciate what he has—something we can all take to heart during the holidays.


Mental Health Takeaway: Gratitude is a powerful tool for mental well-being. During the holidays, when emotions can run high, taking a moment to appreciate the relationships, experiences, and even the small moments that bring us joy can significantly shift our outlook. Reconnecting with loved ones, or practicing gratitude for what we do have, can help us manage feelings of loneliness or emotional stress.


5. Seeking Help and Asking for Support


A less obvious but still essential aspect of Home Alone is the support Kevin receives, even though it’s not from his family at first. He finds comfort in an unlikely friend—the “old man” across the street, who Kevin initially fears but later discovers is just as lonely as he is. Their interactions serve as a poignant reminder that help can come from unexpected places.


The holidays are a great time to reach out and ask for support, whether it’s from a friend, therapist, or even a community group. Many people experience seasonal affective disorder (SAD), anxiety, or depression during the holiday months, and seeking help is a crucial part of mental health care.


Mental Health Takeaway: Asking for support isn’t a sign of weakness, but a vital step in taking care of yourself. Reaching out to others, whether for companionship, advice, or even professional help, is an important part of coping with the emotional challenges the holidays might bring.


Conclusion: Home Alone—More Than Just a Movie


While Home Alone is undoubtedly a holiday favorite, it’s also a thoughtful exploration of the emotions and challenges that many of us face during the season. Loneliness, family dynamics, resilience, and gratitude are just a few of the themes that echo in Kevin’s journey. By reflecting on these themes, we can use the lessons of Home Alone to nurture our mental health and approach the holidays with more intention, self-compassion, and emotional resilience.


So this holiday season, whether you’re celebrating with a house full of family or enjoying a quieter time alone, remember that it’s okay to feel what you’re feeling—and that, like Kevin, you have the strength and the ability to thrive, no matter what challenges come your way.


More Related Articles:

Romeo and Juliet: The Tragic Beauty of Extreme Love and Hate

  • Writer: Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
    Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
  • Dec 6, 2024
Romeo + Juliet

William Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet is often seen as the epitome of passionate love—the kind that defies all boundaries. Yet, it also contains the starkest extremes of hatred and violence, intertwined in a story that resonates deeply with audiences even centuries after it was first performed. But what is it about this tumultuous, all-consuming love that still holds such allure, and why do we often idolize the intensity of both love and hate portrayed in the play?


The Allure of Extreme Emotions


From the first moment Romeo and Juliet lay eyes on each other, their love is portrayed as an intense, almost mystical force, impervious to family loyalty, societal expectations, and even life itself. It’s the kind of love that sweeps you off your feet, leaving no room for hesitation, no time for reason. This extreme love is intoxicating, like a drug that takes over both characters, clouding their judgment and ultimately leading to their tragic fate.


This portrayal taps into a universal longing for emotional intensity, for a love that feels larger than life, as though it could conquer anything—anything, except perhaps the inevitable consequences of such blind devotion. In a world where relationships can feel mundane or uncertain, the story of Romeo and Juliet provides an intoxicating escape into a love that is pure, unfiltered, and bound by fate.


But there’s more to the story than just the idealization of love. The contrast between love and hate is equally powerful, and it’s this stark juxtaposition that makes the play so compelling.


The Double-Edged Sword of Hate


The hatred between the Montagues and Capulets drives much of the drama and conflict in the play. While love between the young lovers blooms in the face of this animosity, it’s clear that this family feud feeds into their passionate actions. Their love is a direct rebellion against their families’ long-standing animosity, and this rebelliousness gives it an edge—something dangerous and forbidden.


Shakespeare brilliantly intertwines the love and hate, demonstrating how these emotions are not only opposing forces but also deeply connected. Just as love blinds Romeo and Juliet to the consequences of their actions, hate clouds the judgment of their families, perpetuating a cycle of violence and grief. The death of both lovers, catalyzed by this senseless feud, is the ultimate consequence of a world ruled by unchecked hate.


What’s intriguing, however, is how we idolize the intense, all-consuming qualities of both love and hate. Why do we gravitate towards this extreme portrayal of emotion? Is it the thrill of passionate defiance? Is it the idea that love can be so powerful, it transcends all obstacles? Or is it simply the raw, unfiltered nature of the emotions involved that we crave?


The Idolization of Extremes


In modern society, we often romanticize intense emotions, especially love. We celebrate grand gestures, sweeping romances, and passionate connections that seem to break all rules. Social media, movies, and books continually promote the idea of a "perfect" love, one that’s intense, all-encompassing, and, often, dramatic. We see this echoed in the portrayal of Romeo and Juliet, where their love is idolized despite its tragic end.


But this idolization of extreme emotions can also be problematic. Just as the lovers’ devotion to one another leads them into destructive territory, our fascination with consuming emotions—whether love or hate—can influence how we view relationships in real life. We may seek relationships that mirror the high stakes and intensity of Romeo and Juliet’s bond, overlooking the foundational elements of healthy communication, mutual respect, and self-awareness.


The Tragic Lesson of Extreme Love and Hate


At its core, Romeo and Juliet serves as both a cautionary tale and a celebration of the profound depth of human emotion. The extreme love and hate in the story bring about tragedy, but they also speak to something deeply human: our capacity for powerful, overwhelming feelings. Shakespeare’s play holds a mirror to our own experiences with love, passion, and anger, reminding us that while these emotions are a fundamental part of who we are, they must be tempered with self-awareness, reason, and a recognition of the consequences of our actions.


In the end, the tragedy of Romeo and Juliet is not just in their untimely deaths, but in the senseless loss of potential that their extreme love and hate caused. The play reminds us that while it’s natural to experience the intensity of these emotions, it’s equally important to step back, reflect, and not let them define or destroy us.


Conclusion: Embracing Healthy Love


Romeo and Juliet’s love may be extreme, but real-life love—healthy, balanced, and mutual—is where true fulfillment lies. While we can appreciate the intensity of Shakespeare’s masterpiece, we should also be mindful of the fine line between passion and destruction. True love should build us up, not tear us down, and it’s through balance and mutual respect that we find love that endures.


In the end, Romeo and Juliet invites us to question the nature of love and hate and whether we should seek the extremes of emotion or the stability of something deeper, more enduring, and more fulfilling.


More Related Articles:

bottom of page