Julie Y Barris
My Girlfriend MAY Be Cheating. We Can't Stop Fighting Over it.
I have nowhere else to go...
I have been with my girlfriend for 2 years. She disappeared one day and didn’t come back to our apartment for 2 days. I never heard from her. She said her phone died and couldn’t text me or call me to tell me she wouldn’t make it home. Eventually I found out she was at a guy's house (I work with his roommate). She told me nothing happened but I have a lot of friends telling me otherwise. I was not sure what to do then. About a month after that she drove 2 hours away from our town and did the same thing. I’m not 100% sure if she cheated on me or not. She won’t talk about it. She just said she loved me and nothing happened. This is leading to a lot of fights and we’re kinda stuck in the apartment together because neither of us can afford to move out or move states to go back home. What do I do in this situation?
I'm sorry that your girlfriend refuses to give you the closure you desperately need, even thought it's painfully obviously something happened during the time of her #disappearance. Your friends seem to know more than you do, and at a certain level, you do think she's cheated on you. While you are #stuck at your apartment, stuck with her, you probably feel everything is out of your control. Here are a few things to consider that can help settle your internal vexation.
What You Can Do
Break up with her. If you believe your friends that your girlfriend has been #unfaithful to you, you may want to just quit the relationship. A lot of the time that is the only way out of your prolonged, agonizing misery. Having #trust between two partners is a must in any healthy relationship. So if you find yourself unable to trust her again, disregarding whether or not she ever confesses to you what she did, it might be smart to break up.
Find another roommate. I know living with someone is hard enough, let alone having to live with a person you no longer want to be associated with. BUT, sometimes you got to do what you got to do. It sounds like you have lots of friends who support you. Maybe among them you have someone who could offer you a #temporary home, or even share an apartment/rent with you. Moving out will help you move on from all the drama that's been going on, which means no more fighting over what she did or did not do. That is, of course, if you truly are #committed to leaving behind the relationship.
Confront the guy. This may be difficult to do but sometimes it is the most effective in clearing out the air. Since your girlfriend refuses to explain what really happened during the time she disappeared, you can always go directly to confront the guy with whom she snuck around behind your back. Now, I'm not telling you to really show up at his door and intimidate him till he tells; rather, I'm leaning more towards a safer, more #civil path that is to contact him via social media or through a friend. You mentioned one of your friends was that guy's roommate. Maybe he can help by acting as the middle man?
Forgive her completely. Give her another chance. You can always choose to believe her if moving on from the relationship is not your #desired outcome right now. Just know that your holding onto any sort of doubt or resentment is exactly the main cause of why you guys have been #clashing so much lately. So if your ultimate goal here is to find peace again with her, you are going to have to learn to fully trust her again. I know it's hard, but you can see it as "okay, this is her last chance and if she does it again, I quit." By telling yourself your own boundary, you are giving yourself the #respect you deserve; and in doing so, you help your inner self calm down and start healing.
When you love a person you #forgive them. While that is true in a sense, sometimes moving on is the best way to forgive each other. I've always found this old saying interesting: if you love someone, set them free; if they come back to you, they're meant to be yours. Certainly, when it's time to really let go, it's just letting go. The important thing to keep in mind in your situation is, take good care of your own emotions first because no one else will.
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Julie Y. Barris
Founder | Chief Editor | Advice Guru of Moody Melon Magazine
I am an author, artist, entrepreneur, and a graphic designer with a unique vision to contribute to the world one idea at a time. Besides creating and inventing things, I’m also fascinated by the human mind. I enjoy helping others help themselves by giving them advice on family and relationship matters.