She Won't Date Me Because Of BAD Office Romances In The Past. What Do I Do?
Office romances... do they work?
Julie,
So it’s kind of simple. I like this woman and she likes me, but because of past experiences she won’t date me. Because we work together.
I’m not sure what to do.
— Eddy
Dear Eddy,
Thank you for your question. First of all, I would like to state that you simply can't make someone date you. And if she's already told you #officeromance isn't her thing, unless you want to quit your job, your chance of ending up together is slim. Now, the one good news is, women do often change their minds when it's worthwhile. So, don't despair just yet.
What You Can Do
Be a #considerate friend. Respect is important in any relationships. Believe it or not, men respecting a woman's wishes can actually be quite a turn-on. Let's be honest, no women like a pushy man. So when she says no to dating, be her friend instead. It's never a waste of time to be someone's friend. If she's willing, have lunch together or go on coffee runs with her. Meanwhile, you get a chance to learn more about her, as a friend without conditions (even if you want so badly to date her, don't put on an out-to-get-her attitude all the time, as it's easy to #backfire). If you are lucky, she might actually open up to you about her previous office break-ups. If she does, listen to her concerns, let her know you would be around if she needs someone to talk. Who knows? You might just get a phone call from her one of these nights telling you she's been thinking about you (yayyyyyy!) and that she's #reconsidering the whole dating-in-the-office concept. To steal a girl's heart, you need to give her time, be patient, and be inclined to put in the work. The end result may surprise you.
"One thing proven to be the most effective is for you to be every bit thoughtful of her."
Surprise her with a sweet little #gesture. Sometimes it isn't what you say, it's what you do that creates #memorable memories. The point here is, you want her to think of you even outside of work. She might not remember the conversation with you this afternoon, but she would certainly remember it that you've noticed what's her favorite brand of coffee, or type of coffee, or if she's a tea person. So the next time when you order your morning cup of joe, consider buying for two. She would appreciate the gesture and give you credit for putting a #smile on her face. Other sweet little things you could do are to occasionally offer to take her to work, given you don't live too far from each other (this way you would get to spend some more time together besides in a corporate setting, which is a #bonus); and when you have casual lunch out together, consider paying the whole bill, with her approval of course, you don't want to come off as condescending either. Every woman's different. So pay attention to your lady's reaction each little thing you do. So if you detect she's turned off by any of them, then you know to not do them again. Chances are she wouldn't.
Invite her to a social event. Females are often #observant creatures. If possible, you want her to be able to watch you outside of work. One way to do this is to invite her to a party or a football game with your friends. This way she would be able to get a real picture, instead of an imagined one, of what you are like around others while not in a suit. Certainly, this would only work if she would take the bait. But if and when she does, it's your #calling to turn on the charm. One thing proven to be the most effective is for you to be every bit thoughtful of her. i.e. If it's cold at the football field, ask her if she would like to borrow your jacket. Even if she's one the most feminist of women, she would appreciate your attentiveness. If she's a little shy at first around your friends, try to bring up subjects to which she could relate so as to pull her into conversations. That way she wouldn't feel bored or out of place. Depending on her observation of how you behave in your #social events, she might just agree to go out on a date with you the next time you ask.
Doing nothing might actually be doing something. Like you said, she already likes you. It's not like you are in a hurry to have a girlfriend to bring home for Thanksgiving. And if you happen to be, your best bet is to move on. Like the old saying: If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours forever. If it doesn’t, then it was never meant to be. Dating is kind of the same idea, and in your case, it simply isn't in your control. And if you did all of the above suggestions and she still maintains her stand, you can't force her. Just remember, there are still plenty more fish in the sea, you never know when the next one would come along without you having to try so hard. So, in the meantime, be on the look out, take good #care of yourself, go to the gym or pick up a culinary skill or two. When a man has his act together, no good woman could resist him!
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Julie Y. Barris
Founder | Chief Editor | Advice Guru of Moody Melon Magazine
I am an author, artist, entrepreneur, and a graphic designer with a unique vision to contribute to the world one idea at a time. Besides creating and inventing things, I’m also fascinated by the human mind. I enjoy helping others help themselves by giving them advice on family and relationship matters.
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