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Setting Boundaries With Your Parents Is Not Selfish — It’s Self-Loving

  • Writer: Niki Kay | Wellness Podcast Host | Guest Writer
    Niki Kay | Wellness Podcast Host | Guest Writer
  • Apr 24

The truth is, as much as we may want to stand by our parents, sometimes it’s more important to stand up for ourselves. Because the reality is, not all parents are supportive or able to show up in the ways we truly need. Whether it’s helicopter parenting, emotional immaturity, absence, or anything in between, there’s often a common thread: our emotional needs, sense of safety, and security weren’t fully met in childhood.

Setting Boundaries With Your Parents Is Not Selfish — It’s Self-Loving

Sometimes we need to fall in order to learn, something that overly controlling parents often struggle to allow. We may crave privacy, needing to keep certain parts of ourselves just for us, a concept that emotionally immature or overly dependent parents might not grasp. And sometimes, we just need to hear that someone is proud of us, words our absent parents may never be able to give.


No matter the dynamic between parent and child, we realize that our purpose in life isn’t to constantly seek their approval or earn the title of “good daughter” or “good son”. Our existence is meant to be lived authentically: full of risks, mistakes, heartbreaks, lessons, and evolution. But in order to self-actualize, we must give ourselves the space to grow.


Why Is It Important to Set Boundaries?


The interesting thing about boundaries is that they often need to be set with the people closest to us. None of us makes it through childhood entirely unscathed. We all carry core wounds, many of them knowingly or unknowingly caused by our parents. These wounds follow us into adulthood and impact how we show up in the world.


But the healing we need can’t begin until we allow ourselves the space to process and repair. That’s where boundaries come in. We realize that loving ourselves doesn’t mean we love them any less. That standing up for our needs doesn’t make us ungrateful for their sacrifices. Choosing to leave home or draw a line in the sand isn’t selfish; it’s self-loving.


Because only when we honor our truest selves can we genuinely show up for those around us. As long as resentment or guilt lingers, we stay trapped in a painful tug-of-war, torn between betraying ourselves or betraying them. But when we choose ourselves with compassion and courage, we begin to break that cycle and open the door to the respect, love, and freedom we need to truly thrive in our own lives.



What Does Setting Boundaries Look Like?


One of the biggest sources of guilt when setting boundaries is saying “no” to our parents. The moment we do, we’re often consumed by a fear of disappointing them or feeling like we’re being ungrateful.


But it’s important to remind ourselves that saying “no” isn’t an act of rejection, it’s an act of self-preservation. When communicated with clarity, our boundaries can actually deepen mutual understanding and create a more loving relationship. Setting boundaries might sound like:


  • “I won’t be able to visit this holiday — I’ve been working hard and really need some time to rest and recharge.”


  • “I understand that you want me to stay in school and pursue this degree, but my heart is calling me in a different direction, and I need to honor that.”


  • “I’m not ready to talk about my personal life just yet. I promise I’ll open up when I have more clarity.”


These kinds of statements communicate compassion, respect, and consideration, not defiance. At the end of the day, most parents want what’s best for you, even if their version of “best” doesn’t perfectly align with yours.


By expressing that you value their presence while also advocating for your own time, space, and truth, you give them the opportunity to support you in ways that feel good to both of you.


How to Handle Situations When Boundaries Are Overstepped


The truth about boundaries is that they’re more for you than for the other person. No matter who you’re setting them with, even your parents. Each time we advocate for our needs, even at the risk of disappointing someone, we strengthen our self-worth. When someone oversteps a boundary, it’s a form of disrespect to you. But this awareness is here to empower you. When your boundary is crossed, it’s up to you to clearly address it. Sometimes, assertiveness is necessary. That might mean saying, “This felt like a violation of what I expressed, and I need you to respect that moving forward.”


In some cases, taking space from your parents can be necessary to protect your mental health. That doesn’t mean cutting them off permanently. But a temporary pause in communication can help you restore peace and clarity. What matters is communicating this choice in a calm yet firm way, so everyone understands why that space is needed.


Conclusion


Boundaries aren’t about punishment or pushing people away. They’re about preservation. Setting them is an act of self-respect, self-care, and self-love. When we choose to protect our peace and mental well-being, we are choosing to honor ourselves at the deepest level.


At times, we may wonder why we have to be the ones to lead these conversations or “be the bigger person.” But there’s power in realizing we’re not doing it to please others, we’re doing it to protect our own peace. When we make that shift, we step out of the victim mindset and into our power.


We begin to hold the reins of our lives like we’re meant to; without blame, guilt, or resentment, but with clarity, confidence, and love.


Carlie Malott

Niki Kay

Host of the Mindset Mentress Podcast | Guest Writer of Moody Melon Magazine

I'm a writer, podcast host, and entrepreneur focused on self-discovery and transformation. Through my podcast, Mindset Mentress, I share insights on authenticity and growth. Currently pursuing a journalism certification at NYU to enhance my storytelling and impact.

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When You're Doing It All Alone: Surviving the Mental Load of Solo Parenting

  • Writer: Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
    Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
  • Apr 19

Surviving solo parenting means learning to celebrate small wins, like getting through the day with everyone fed and safe. There’s no manual for this, but with patience, grit, and a little self-compassion, you can find strength you didn’t know you had.

When You're Doing It All Alone: Surviving the Mental Load of Solo Parenting

There are days when it feels like the walls are closing in. The toddler won’t nap, the kitchen is a disaster, the laundry has become its own ecosystem, and you haven’t sat down—let alone showered—in what feels like days. There’s no help coming. No partner walking through the door to tag in, no grandparent on call, no babysitter to offer relief. The house is loud, messy, and so very full of needs—but there’s no room left for you.


This is the unfiltered, unromantic side of parenting that rarely makes it into Instagram captions or parenting books: the deep, relentless isolation of doing it all alone.



How It Impacts Your Mental Health


When every ounce of your time is claimed by tiny hands, your mental health can quietly slip through the cracks. You stop noticing how tense your shoulders feel. You lose interest in things you once loved. Work becomes a guilt-ridden juggle (if you can even get to it), and the idea of fun? Laughable. There’s no room for play or peace when you’re constantly firefighting. Over time, this wears on even the strongest, most loving parents. Exhaustion becomes your baseline, and burnout begins to look like your new personality.


What If No One Is Coming to Help?


So how do you come back from this—when no one is coming to rescue you? The answer isn’t about finding a village. It's about becoming your own backup system. The first step is lowering the bar, without shame. Perfection is not the goal—preservation is. Ask yourself what truly matters today. Is it a spotless floor, or a moment of stillness with your child? Is it folding laundry, or taking five minutes to breathe? Give yourself permission to let some things go. Survival is success.



Build Tiny Systems That Serve You


Next, build in tiny rituals that serve you. They don’t have to be glamorous or time-consuming. Light a candle at the end of the day to mark the fact that you made it. Blast music while you clean just one corner of the house. Keep your favorite snack stashed out of reach of tiny fingers. Reclaim one small thing that belongs just to you. These micro-moments matter more than you think—they are acts of resistance against the overwhelm.


Mental Health Hacks You Can Actually Use


Mental wellness in solo parenting doesn't mean never feeling tired or frustrated. It means having tiny tools in your back pocket to ground you. Practice "box breathing" (inhale for 4, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4) while your toddler screams. Write out a brain dump before bed to quiet the mental spiral. Keep a “peace basket” of toys that buys you 15 minutes to sit, breathe, or do something small for yourself. Your toolkit doesn’t have to be big—it just has to be yours.


Affirmations for the Days That Break You


When the noise gets too loud, come back to affirmations. Not the cheesy kind, but the kind that hold you steady:


  • “I’m not failing—this is just hard.”

  • “My child doesn’t need perfect, they need loved.”

  • “It’s okay to feel tired. It doesn’t mean I’m not strong.”

  • “I’m doing more than enough with what I have.”


Write them on sticky notes. Set them as phone reminders. Whisper them to yourself when the silence finally comes.


Coming Back Strong, One Moment at a Time


Coming back strong doesn’t mean leaping out of burnout in one dramatic moment. It means slowly, quietly rebuilding your energy one small win at a time. Let yourself celebrate what you did do today. The lunch you made. The tears you soothed. The meltdown you survived. The laugh you shared. These things matter. They count.


You may not have help. You may not have time. But you have something powerful: the ability to get back up, again and again. And that is nothing short of heroic.


A Question Worth Asking


What if the real mark of a strong parent isn’t how well they do it all—but how bravely they do it alone?


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New Year, New You: The Power of Intentional Self-Care

  • Writer: Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
    Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
  • Dec 28, 2024

The Power of Intentional Self-Care lies in its ability to transform our mental and emotional well-being by consciously nurturing ourselves, rather than waiting for burnout to strike. By integrating mindful practices into our daily routine, we tap into a deeper level of resilience and inner peace, empowering us to face life's challenges with a clearer, calmer mindset.

New Year, New You: The Power of Intentional Self-Care

As the calendar flips to a new year, many of us find ourselves swept up in the whirlwind of fresh starts, resolutions, and promises to be our best selves. But amidst all the hustle to 'improve,' there’s one thing that often gets overlooked: self-care. Sure, it’s easy to add "exercise more" or "eat better" to the list, but how often do we stop to reflect on our mental and emotional well-being? In a world that’s constantly moving forward, self-care has become an essential tool for reclaiming balance, fostering growth, and truly taking care of ourselves.


Why Self-Care is More Important Than Ever


When it comes to mental health, self-care isn’t a luxury – it’s a necessity. In fact, research shows that prioritizing our well-being can have a profound impact on everything from stress levels to our overall sense of happiness. According to a study by the American Psychological Association, regular self-care helps lower anxiety, improve mood, and even boost productivity.


The reality is, the modern world asks a lot of us: we juggle careers, relationships, personal goals, and the constant pressure of social media. And while we're trying to be all things to all people, we often forget the most important thing – taking care of ourselves first. That’s where intentional self-care comes in.


Reframing Self-Care: It’s More Than Bubble Baths and Face Masks


While a soothing bath or indulging in a skincare routine are wonderful forms of self-care, they don’t define it. True self-care goes much deeper than just pampering. It's about creating sustainable habits that nourish your mental, emotional, and physical health. So, let’s reframe self-care for the New Year as a holistic practice that nurtures your body, mind, and soul.


Here are five meaningful self-care practices to kick off the year:


1. Practice Mindful Breathing


One of the simplest yet most effective forms of self-care is mindful breathing. This technique helps reduce anxiety, calm the nervous system, and bring you back to the present moment. It’s especially useful during moments of stress. Set aside a few minutes each day to focus on your breath, inhaling deeply through your nose and exhaling through your mouth. Doing this for just five minutes can shift your entire mood.


2. Set Boundaries (and Stick to Them)


Learning to say no is an act of self-care that protects your mental space and energy. Whether it’s a work request, social obligation, or even a family commitment, setting clear boundaries ensures that you’re not overextending yourself. Boundaries allow you to prioritize your well-being, helping you focus on what truly matters without feeling overwhelmed.


3. Get Comfortable with Doing Nothing


We’re often so caught up in productivity that we forget the importance of rest. Taking time to do nothing can actually be incredibly restorative. Whether it’s laying on the couch, staring at the sky, or simply sitting in silence, allowing yourself to rest without feeling guilty is essential for mental health. Embrace moments of stillness – they provide clarity and recharge your emotional reserves.



4. Feed Your Body, Mind, and Soul


Self-care isn’t just about what you put on your skin, but what you put in your body and mind. Nourish yourself with whole, nutritious foods that energize your body. Challenge your mind with new books, puzzles, or learning opportunities. And take time to feed your soul with activities that bring you joy, whether it’s creative hobbies, spending time with loved ones, or connecting with nature.


5. Make Time for Reflection


Self-care also means making space for self-reflection. Take a few moments each day or week to check in with yourself. How are you feeling mentally and emotionally? Are you happy with the direction your life is taking? Writing in a journal or simply sitting with your thoughts can help you better understand your needs and desires.


The Power of Self-Compassion


At the heart of self-care is self-compassion. It’s about accepting yourself as you are – flaws, imperfections, and all. So many of us struggle with harsh self-criticism, but being kind to yourself is essential for true healing. In the coming year, try replacing negative self-talk with affirmations of love and acceptance. When you treat yourself with kindness, you open the door to a healthier, more balanced life.


In Conclusion: Self-Care is a Lifelong Journey


As you step into the new year, remember that self-care is not a one-time fix or a checklist to be completed. It’s a lifelong practice of tuning into your needs, respecting your limits, and prioritizing your well-being. By making self-care a regular part of your routine, you’ll create a solid foundation for mental and emotional health in 2024 and beyond.


The question is: How will you commit to taking care of yourself this year?


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