Don’t Leave Me: What Distance Feels Like for Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder

People with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) often experience intense emotions, unstable relationships, and a deep fear of abandonment. Supporting someone with BPD requires patience, consistency, and a willingness to offer reassurance even when it's hard.

Imagine standing at the edge of a cliff, screaming for someone to hold your hand—but they’re just far enough away that you can’t reach them, and you're not sure if they’re walking toward you… or away. That’s what emotional distance can feel like for someone living with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).

For many, a text message left unanswered or a slight change in tone during a conversation may be brushed off as normal. But for someone with BPD, these moments can ignite a powerful storm of fear, shame, and panic. It’s not about being dramatic. It’s about living with a brain wired to expect abandonment and wired for survival.

The Abyss of Abandonment

At the heart of BPD is an intense fear of abandonment—whether real, imagined, or tiny in nature. To the outside world, it might seem irrational. But for someone with BPD, every sign of distance feels like a prelude to loss. It doesn’t matter if the other person is just busy, tired, or emotionally preoccupied—their absence can feel like a vanishing act. And when that feeling hits, it’s not just emotional. It’s physical. It can feel like free-falling in an empty room, like your chest is hollow, your breath caught somewhere between grief and terror.

This is why distance, even emotional or momentary, becomes so unbearable.

Click to Learn More About The Hidden Pain of Abandonment: Why Lack of Support Feels Like Betrayal to Those with BPD

The Need for “Too Much” Reassurance

You might hear someone with BPD say things like:

• “Are you mad at me?”

• “Do you still love me?”

• “You’re going to leave, aren’t you?”

  
  

It’s not manipulation—it’s self-protection. Because when your inner world is a battleground between needing closeness and fearing it will disappear, reassurance becomes a lifeline. Repeating, “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere,” might feel excessive to some, but for someone with BPD, it’s like oxygen in an emotional blackout.

Persistence Is the Superpower

What makes the biggest difference? Consistent, compassionate presence.

Comfort that shows up over and over, even when it feels repetitive. Not perfection—just persistence. A quiet message that says, “You’re not too much. I’ll stay with you through the waves.”

Whether you're a therapist, partner, friend, or family member, your grounded presence helps rewrite the narrative. You’re offering a counter-voice to the inner scream that says, “Everyone leaves.”

Sometimes it’s not about finding the perfect thing to say. Sometimes it’s about showing up again tomorrow. And the next day.

But what if they push you away when you try again and again?

Well… try again.

If you love or care about this person deeply—even if part of you feels annoyed, frustrated, or hurt in the moment—keep showing up. That consistency, even in the face of rejection, is what's needed most. That’s what begins to undo the lifelong story of abandonment. That’s what ultimately brings you closer.

Click to Learn About the Push-Pull Dynamic in Borderline Personality Disorder

So here’s the question:

If someone’s heart is built like a room with too many exit signs, are you willing to be the person who keeps coming back in?

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Navigating the Transition: A First-Time Mom's Return to Work After 3 Years

The first-time mom's return to work after an extended break is a challenging yet rewarding transition, filled with both excitement and anxiety. Balancing the demands of motherhood with professional responsibilities can feel overwhelming, but with the right support and strategies, this new chapter can be both fulfilling and empowering.

Returning to work after three years as a first-time mom is a monumental shift — one that comes with a mix of excitement, anxiety, guilt, and perhaps even a bit of grief. The journey of re-entering the workforce after spending your days caring for your little one can feel overwhelming, especially when it seems like you’re juggling both professional expectations and the emotional rollercoaster of motherhood.

If you’re reading this and preparing for or experiencing your own return to work, know you are not alone in these feelings. It's okay to feel torn between two worlds — the work world and the world of motherhood. This article is here to offer you some advice, encouragement, and practical tips for navigating this transition with a bit more ease.

1. Acknowledge Your Emotional Experience

First and foremost, give yourself permission to feel everything. It’s completely normal to experience a range of emotions when preparing to return to work. Whether you feel guilt for leaving your child, anxiety about work expectations, or even a bit of grief about leaving the "stay-at-home" mom life behind, all of these feelings are valid.

Recognizing your emotions without judgment can help reduce internal pressure. You are embarking on a transition, and it's okay if it's not perfect — it’s a big change, and changes are often messy and filled with mixed feelings.

2. It’s Okay Not to Do It All

One of the biggest sources of stress for new working moms is the pressure to "do it all" — to be the perfect employee and the perfect mom. The truth is, perfection isn’t the goal. You are only human, and there is no way to balance work, home life, and self-care without occasional compromises.

Focus on doing the best you can, but don’t strive for perfection in every area. Your career and your family are both important, but neither will thrive if you are overextended. Accept that you can’t control every outcome and that sometimes, good enough is just fine.

3. Start Small — One Thing at a Time

The transition back to work doesn’t need to be overwhelming. Start by simplifying things and taking it one task at a time. When your to-do list feels endless, break things down into smaller, manageable steps.

For example, pick one task you need help with, such as managing dinner or arranging child care, and share that with your partner or support system. You don’t have to ask for everything all at once, and starting with small, specific requests can ease the load.

4. Ask for Help — Even If It Feels Hard

One of the hardest lessons for new moms is learning to ask for help. It's easy to feel like you need to do everything yourself, especially when you're used to managing home life, but you don’t have to — and shouldn’t — shoulder everything alone.

Whether it’s asking your partner to take on more responsibilities, hiring a sitter, or talking to family or friends for support, learning how to delegate will make this transition smoother. If you have a partner, don’t hesitate to let them know how you’re feeling — ask them to help out more at home, or take the lead in certain areas, such as preparing meals or keeping track of the little one’s routine.

Click to Learn About Love Isn’t the Hard Part: Why Marriage Tests Us in Unexpected Ways

5. Embrace Imperfection and Trust Others to Step Up

If you're feeling overwhelmed by your partner's attempts to help, it’s important to remember that no one will do things exactly the way you would. And that’s okay. You may find that your husband or partner takes a different approach to handling your child or managing household tasks, and that’s part of the learning process.

Trust your partner to step up and take initiative, even if it means things aren't done the way you would have done them. Learning to let go of control in some areas will help reduce your stress and give you space to focus on your new role at work.

6. Set Boundaries Between Work and Home Life

One of the most challenging aspects of returning to work after being a full-time mom is finding a way to balance your professional and personal lives. It’s easy for work to bleed into your home life when you're already thinking about your child, managing household tasks, and adjusting to a new routine.

Make an intentional effort to create boundaries between these two worlds. For example, designate specific times during the day when you can be fully present with your family, and communicate clearly with your employer about your limits. If your work allows it, try to create a flexible schedule where you can balance work tasks and family responsibilities without feeling overwhelmed.

7. Give Yourself Grace

Most importantly, be kind to yourself. Returning to work as a new mom is a monumental change that will come with ups and downs. You may have moments of doubt, moments of frustration, and even moments when you question whether you’re doing things “right.”

Remember, there is no one-size-fits-all guide to being a working mom. Your path will look different from anyone else’s, and that’s okay. Be patient with yourself, give yourself credit for the effort you're putting in, and remember that you're doing the best you can in a challenging time.

Click to Learn About Finding Inner Peace in the Most Unexpected Places: Embracing Calm Amid Chaos

Conclusion: It's Okay to Ask for More Support

Returning to work as a first-time mom after three years is an emotional, challenging, and often lonely journey. It’s important to acknowledge your feelings, ask for help, and be realistic about what you can achieve. You don’t need to carry the weight of everything on your shoulders. By focusing on self-compassion, setting boundaries, and being open to support, you can begin to navigate the complexity of this transition with more ease and confidence.

How can you start simplifying your daily routine to ease the pressure of juggling work and home life?

Take a moment to reflect on your personal needs, whether it's emotional support, task delegation, or carving out time for yourself. Acknowledging these needs is the first step toward easing your overwhelm and finding balance in this new chapter.

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Breaking Free from Impostor Syndrome at Work—The Quiet Crisis in Confidence

Impostor Syndrome can make even the most accomplished professionals feel like they’re just pretending to know what they’re doing. It feeds on self-doubt and perfectionism, often silencing the recognition of genuine achievements.

You landed the job. You’re showing up, delivering results, and even receiving compliments from your boss. From the outside, you appear confident and capable. But inside? You might be wrestling with a nagging feeling that you’re fooling everyone—that at any moment, someone will expose you as a fraud.

This is impostor syndrome: a psychological pattern where capable individuals doubt their accomplishments and fear being unmasked as incompetent. It's not about actual lack of skill—it's about the inability to internalize success. This mental tug-of-war can be exhausting and isolating, especially in professional environments where competence is currency.

Why Impostor Syndrome Thrives

Impostor syndrome doesn’t arise in a vacuum. It feeds off environments that value perfection over process, and where competition is high and vulnerability is low. In workplaces where people rarely admit they’re struggling or unsure, we start to believe we’re the only ones who don’t “have it all together.”

Perfectionism plays a major role. When you set impossibly high standards for yourself, anything short of flawless execution feels like failure. Add to that the pressure of being underrepresented in your field—whether you're the youngest in the room, a person of color, the first in your family to enter a professional space, or part of any marginalized group—and those feelings of not belonging can become even more pronounced.

Over time, this internal dialogue becomes automatic. Every achievement is downplayed as “luck” or “timing,” while every minor mistake feels like proof you were never good enough to begin with.

Spotting the Signs

One of the most important steps in tackling impostor syndrome is learning to recognize its voice. It often sounds like:

• “I don’t deserve this job. They hired me by mistake.”

• “I’m not as smart as people think I am.”

• “If I ask for help, they’ll know I’m incompetent.”

• “That success doesn’t count—it wasn’t that hard.”

  
  

These thoughts might feel true, but they’re distorted by fear. Pause and ask yourself: Is there actual evidence I’m not good enough—or am I just scared of being seen as less than perfect?

Awareness is the first crack in the armor of impostor syndrome. Once you can name it, you can begin to challenge and change it.

Speak It to Break It

Silence is the breeding ground for impostor syndrome. The less we talk about it, the more power it has. That’s why opening up—whether to a mentor, a friend, or a mental health professional—is such a critical step.

You might be surprised at how common this experience is, even among those you admire. Many successful people have privately admitted to feeling like frauds at times. When you hear others share the same thoughts you’ve been carrying alone, something powerful happens: shame loses its grip.

Talking about your fears doesn’t make you weak; it makes you human. It builds connection, resilience, and perspective—and reminds you that you don’t have to navigate your doubts alone.

Shift the Narrative

Once you’ve recognized impostor thoughts, the next step is to reframe them. This means replacing self-sabotaging beliefs with more compassionate, grounded ones.

Instead of:

• “I have no idea what I’m doing.” → Try: “I’m learning something new, and that takes time.”

  
  

• “They’re going to find out I’m not qualified.” → Try: “I was hired for a reason. My growth doesn’t disprove my worth.”

  
  

Reframing doesn’t mean pretending everything is perfect. It means choosing to interpret your experiences through a lens of growth rather than inadequacy. It means giving yourself permission to be in progress, not perfect.

Document Your Wins

When self-doubt is loud, evidence is your best defense. Keep a “confidence file”—a digital or physical space where you collect positive feedback, thank-you notes, successful project summaries, and moments you felt proud of your work.

On difficult days, this file becomes your proof. It reminds you that your impact is real, even if your inner critic tries to convince you otherwise. This practice not only grounds you in reality but helps build a habit of internalizing success rather than brushing it off.

You can also journal moments of growth—like the time you asked a hard question, made a tough decision, or navigated a challenge gracefully. These are signs of competence, even if they don’t come with applause.

You’re Not an Impostor. You’re Human.

Everyone feels unsure at times. Everyone has moments of fear, especially when stepping into something new or challenging. The difference is that not everyone lets those fears define their identity.

You’re not failing because you feel uncertain—you’re succeeding because you keep showing up despite it. Confidence isn’t the absence of doubt; it’s the willingness to act in its presence. Real professionals don’t know everything—they ask, they learn, they grow. That’s what makes them effective, not infallible.

The truth is, you're not an impostor. You're a human being doing real, meaningful work in a world that often forgets to tell you you're enough.

Eye-Opening Question: If you believed you were fully qualified, worthy, and capable… how would you show up differently at work tomorrow?

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