Embracing Suffering and Growth: The Role of Existential Therapy in Mental Health

Existential therapy is a unique approach to psychotherapy that focuses on exploring the fundamental aspects of human existence, such as freedom, death, isolation, and meaning. Rooted in existential philosophy, this therapeutic model encourages individuals to confront the realities of life rather than avoid them, fostering personal growth and a deeper understanding of oneself.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, the current most popular form of therapy, seeks to identify and challenge harmful thinking patterns. Taking a different approach to the difficulties in an individual's life, existential thinking promotes a change in mindset to one that sees suffering as a unique opportunity for growth rather than an obstacle to be avoided. By facing suffering, individuals can develop resilience, gain insight into their values, and ultimately shape a life that aligns with their deeper sense of purpose.

The Search for Meaning and Its Relevance

A core aspect of existential therapy is the search for meaning. Nearly three in five young adults (58%) have reported experiencing a lack of meaning or purpose in their lives over the past month. Additionally, half of young adults stated that uncertainty about their future negatively impacted their mental health.

As individuals transition from childhood to adulthood, the pressures of life and the pursuit of success often leave them questioning: What is this all for? Existential therapy attempts to help the individual answer this question by encouraging self-reflection. Oftentimes, the answer to this question remains in the unconscious, but can be uncovered with help.

Click to Explore More About the Depths of Existence: A Fun Dive into Existential Therapy

Viktor Frankl and the Birth of Logotherapy

Viktor Frankl, an Austrian psychiatrist, psychotherapist, and Holocaust survivor, developed a unique branch of existential therapy known as logotherapy during his time in multiple concentration camps. Frankl emphasized that meaning is not something to be passively discovered but actively created. He suggests that individuals can find purpose by embracing their unique experiences and choosing how they respond to life's challenges.

He details a story of counseling two suicidal fellow prisoners, each mentioning that they can no longer go on. Frankl recognized that one man had a child on the outside, and another was writing a series of books he had not yet finished, and it could only be completed by him. This story draws attention to the importance of a unique individual's responsibilities that ultimately lay the groundwork for finding meaning in the darkness.

In my work supporting individuals in crisis, helping reveal those unique qualities can provide the strength to get through difficult times. There was a time I was speaking with someone who was experiencing suicidal thoughts. They shared that life felt so hard, they didn’t see a reason to keep going. Hearing this reminded me that everyone—no matter how lost they feel—has something meaningful that can give them a reason to hold on.

We explored this together, and they opened up about their love for poetry. They even shared some of their work with me, and I could see how much it meant to them. Poetry became a window into their sense of worth and creativity—something uniquely theirs. In that moment, they began to reconnect with their value, and it reminded me that everyone carries a spark of worth, even if it gets dimmed by pain.

Finding Meaning in Life Through Existential Therapy

If an individual is attempting to find meaning in their own life, existential therapy encourages them to engage in self-reflection and take ownership of their choices. Rather than feeling trapped by circumstances, they are empowered to recognize their personal freedom and control over responses.

This process often involves identifying what truly matters to them, whether it be relationships, creative pursuits, personal growth, or contributing to something greater than themselves. When attempting to recognize what matters to them, the big picture can often cloud that thinking. What matters varies from individual to individual and can be the smallest thing; one is encouraged to think of anything that might bring the feeling of happiness and growth.

I was talking to an older gentleman about the anxiety and depression he was experiencing around aging and feeling disconnected from the world around him. As we talked, we focused on the small things in life that still brought him joy. He shared that he enjoyed journaling before bed, especially writing about old memories and reflecting on his day.

Together, we came up with the idea to expand his journaling to include the beauty he currently sees in life—whether it’s a moment in nature or time spent with family. This gave him something new to look forward to each day and helped him embrace a more hopeful perspective on aging. This experience emphasizes how even the smallest things in our lives can have a profound impact.

Click to Learn More About How Existential Therapy Can Help You Navigate Life's Toughest Times

Practical Strategies for Finding Meaning

The journey of self-reflection may feel overwhelming at first, but it often begins with simple acts of self-care or moments of kindness. From there, it can grow into something much more meaningful—helping us reconnect with ourselves, our purpose, and the world around us.

Here are strategies that can help in this process:

• Engage in Self-Reflection: Take time to identify your core values, passions, and what truly brings you fulfillment.

  
  

• Embrace Responsibility: Recognize that you have the power to shape your own life and take ownership of your choices.

  
  

• Build Strong Relationships: Connection with others can provide a sense of belonging and purpose.

  
  

• Pursue Personal Growth: Engaging in creative projects, education, or new experiences can help cultivate a deeper sense of meaning.

  
  

• Help Others: Contributing to the well-being of others through acts of kindness or service can provide a strong sense of fulfillment.

  
  

Conclusion: Empowerment Through Existential Therapy

Existential therapy provides a framework for individuals to navigate life with resilience and purpose. By confronting existential concerns and actively seeking meaning, people can cultivate a deeper sense of fulfillment and psychological well-being.

In a world where many struggle with questions of identity and purpose, existential therapy offers a guiding light toward self-discovery and personal empowerment.

💬 Ready to start your own healing journey?

Book a session with one of our compassionate therapists at Moody Melon Counseling. We’re here when you’re ready. 🍉

 [Schedule Now]

Reference:

Making Caring Common. (2023). On edge: Understanding and preventing young adults’ mental health challenges. https://mcc.gse.harvard.edu/reports/on-edge

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Chris Spadaccino

Crisis Counselor | Guest Writer of Moody Melon Magazine

I’m a junior at Texas State University majoring in Psychology. I’m passionate about supporting others on their mental health journeys and deeply believe that no matter where someone starts, with belief and effort, they can grow into something greater than they ever imagined.

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Stop Smiling Through It: Why We Need to Make Space for Real Emotions in Our Relationships

We’ve been taught to silence our feelings for the sake of connection—but what if real connection starts with letting them speak?

Most of us didn’t grow up in environments that welcomed full emotional expression. Whether it was being told “You’re too sensitive,” or being praised for being “low-maintenance,” we quickly learned which emotions were “acceptable” and which ones we should tuck away.

The message, though rarely said out loud, was clear: if you want to be loved, be pleasant. Be agreeable. Be calm. Smile through it.

This emotional filtering doesn't disappear in adulthood. In our romantic partnerships, friendships, and even family dynamics, many of us continue to suppress sadness, minimize anger, and soften our truth so we don't seem “too much.”

But here's the paradox: the very thing we do to protect our relationships—hiding our emotions—is often what slowly chips away at their depth and authenticity.

The Cost of Emotional Suppression

Burying our real feelings doesn’t protect connection—it weakens it. When we deny sadness, we miss out on comfort. When we hide frustration, we forfeit opportunities for repair. When we don't voice our hurt, it turns into resentment.

And eventually, those unspoken emotions don’t just go away—they build up. They show up in passive-aggressiveness, in withdrawal, in sudden emotional outbursts that feel “out of nowhere.”

We may think we’re being considerate by keeping our pain to ourselves, but true intimacy can’t grow where emotional honesty is missing. If your partner, friend, or loved one never knows how you're really doing, how can they truly show up for you?

Emotional Honesty Is Not Emotional Chaos

Let’s clear up a huge myth: expressing strong emotions doesn’t mean you’re being unstable or irrational. There’s a difference between emotional honesty and emotional chaos.

Crying, yelling, getting frustrated, feeling overwhelmed—these are all natural responses to being human. What matters is how we express them, not whether we have them in the first place.

• Crying isn’t weakness. It’s a release. It shows vulnerability and depth.

• Yelling doesn’t make you toxic. Sometimes it's a cry for understanding after years of being ignored. What matters is returning to connection afterward.

• Anger isn’t scary—it’s a signal. It often points to something important: a crossed boundary, an unmet need, a lingering wound.

• Sadness isn’t a burden. It’s an invitation to be supported.

  
  

We’ve been conditioned to suppress big emotions, especially in relationships. But what if those big emotions—expressed with care and awareness—are the bridge to deeper connection?

Emotional maturity isn’t about always being composed. It’s about knowing what you’re feeling, expressing it in a safe and honest way, and staying committed to the relationship while you do it.

You’re not “too much” because you feel deeply. You’re real.

How to Encourage Emotional Openness in Your Relationship

It’s not just about expressing your emotions—it’s also about creating space for your partner to do the same. If we want emotionally honest relationships, we need to actively make it safe for others to be real with us.

Here’s how to start:

• Lead with empathy, not advice. When your partner is upset, don’t rush to solve it. Try: “That sounds really tough. I’m here with you.”

• Ask deeper questions. Go beyond “Are you okay?” Try: “What’s been weighing on you lately?” or “How did that make you feel?”

• Validate their experience. Even if you see it differently, you can say: “That makes sense why you’d feel that way.”

• Listen without judgment. Let them cry, rant, feel—all without trying to correct or shrink it.

• Celebrate emotional honesty. Thank them when they open up. “I appreciate you telling me. I know that wasn’t easy.”

• Be emotionally present. Your calm, grounded presence during their emotional moments teaches them that it’s safe to be vulnerable.

  
  

When we learn to hold space for each other’s full emotional range, we build trust that no “bad day” or “big feeling” will break the bond.

You’re Allowed to Feel

You don’t have to be easy to love to be worthy of love.

You don’t need to smile through pain, shrink your anger, or apologize for crying just to maintain peace. Real relationships don’t ask you to mute yourself—they invite you to be more of yourself.

And the beautiful part? When you give yourself permission to feel, you show others it’s okay too. That’s how emotional safety becomes a shared language.

It's time we stop treating emotions like threats to our relationships—and start seeing them as the heartbeat of real connection.

Eye-Opening Question to Leave With:

If we only show the parts of ourselves that are easy to love—are we ever really being loved at all?

💬 Ready to start your own healing journey?

Book a session with one of our compassionate therapists at Moody Melon Counseling. We’re here when you’re ready. 🍉

 [Schedule Now]

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Understanding the Push-Pull Dynamic in Borderline Personality Disorder

The push and pull dynamic in Borderline Personality Disorder often leads individuals to both desperately seek connection and fear it at the same time. This internal conflict can create a cycle where the person alternates between pushing others away and pulling them back in, struggling to find stability in their relationships.

If you’ve ever tried to leave an argument with someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), you know it’s rarely as simple as taking a deep breath and stepping away. A moment meant for cooling off can quickly spiral into accusations, panic, or emotional pursuit.

To someone with BPD, space can feel like abandonment—and abandonment can feel like devastation.

Understanding the Panic Behind the Pursuit

At the heart of BPD is a deep-rooted fear of being left. For your partner, you walking away during conflict may not register as a healthy boundary, but instead as confirmation of their worst fear: “You’re leaving me. I’m unlovable. I’ve been rejected again.”

This fear isn’t just emotional—it’s visceral. It can trigger intense anger, clinging, or desperate attempts to pull you back in, even if the argument has become destructive for you both.

But Here’s the Truth: You Can Step Away—With Compassion and Confidence

Leaving doesn’t have to mean abandonment. It can mean de-escalation. The key is in how you leave.

Here are some strategies that may help you protect your boundaries without reinforcing your partner’s fears:

1. Announce, Don’t Disappear

Before stepping away, clearly communicate your intention to return. Speak confidently, like you mean it, and look them in the eyes when you say it.Try something like:"I care about you, and I want to talk this through, but I need a break to calm down so we don’t hurt each other more. I’ll check in with you in 30 minutes."Even if they don’t believe you at first, consistency over time will show them you mean what you say.

2. Use the Power of Predictability

If this is a recurring pattern, create a plan together outside of conflict. Agree on a code word, time-out process, or specific routine that allows for space without spiraling fear. The more predictable the pause, the less threatening it feels.

3. Don’t Match the Intensity

When emotions are high, your calm might be the only oxygen in the room. Resist the urge to defend, yell back, or walk out mid-sentence. Instead, validate their emotions (not the accusations), then exit as gently as possible.

"I see how upset you are. I don’t want to fight with you. I’ll be back soon so we can talk when we’re both in a better place."

4. Hold the Line with Kindness

If your partner follows you, begs you not to leave, or lashes out, stay calm and firm. It’s okay to repeat yourself gently. Reassure, don’t retreat into silence or coldness. Boundaries enforced with warmth are less likely to be interpreted as punishment.

5. Know When to Reassess

If leaving during conflict always results in escalation, harm, or cycles you can’t break—even with healthy efforts—it may be time to bring in a therapist or consider whether the relationship is safe or sustainable for you long-term.

Walking away doesn’t make you cruel. In fact, it may be the most loving thing you can do in a heated moment—for both of you. It's about protecting your nervous systems, not punishing anyone.

But here’s the real question: Can you love someone deeply without losing your right to peace? 💬

💬 Ready to start your own healing journey?

Book a session with one of our compassionate therapists at Moody Melon Counseling. We’re here when you’re ready. 🍉

 [Schedule Now]

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