Boundaries in Love | Moody Melon Magazine

Setting Boundaries With Your Parents Is Not Selfish — It’s Self-Loving

Niki Kay | Wellness Podcast Host | Guest Writer
Apr 24

The truth is, as much as we may want to stand by our parents, sometimes it’s more important to stand up for ourselves. Because the reality is, not all parents are supportive or able to show up in the ways we truly need. Whether it’s helicopter parenting, emotional immaturity, absence, or anything in between, there’s often a common thread: our emotional needs, sense of safety, and security weren’t fully met in childhood.

Setting Boundaries With Your Parents Is Not Selfish — It’s Self-Loving

Sometimes we need to fall in order to learn, something that overly controlling parents often struggle to allow. We may crave privacy, needing to keep certain parts of ourselves just for us, a concept that emotionally immature or overly dependent parents might not grasp. And sometimes, we just need to hear that someone is proud of us, words our absent parents may never be able to give.

No matter the dynamic between parent and child, we realize that our purpose in life isn’t to constantly seek their approval or earn the title of “good daughter” or “good son”. Our existence is meant to be lived authentically: full of risks, mistakes, heartbreaks, lessons, and evolution. But in order to self-actualize, we must give ourselves the space to grow.

Why Is It Important to Set Boundaries?

The interesting thing about boundaries is that they often need to be set with the people closest to us. None of us makes it through childhood entirely unscathed. We all carry core wounds, many of them knowingly or unknowingly caused by our parents. These wounds follow us into adulthood and impact how we show up in the world.

But the healing we need can’t begin until we allow ourselves the space to process and repair. That’s where boundaries come in. We realize that loving ourselves doesn’t mean we love them any less. That standing up for our needs doesn’t make us ungrateful for their sacrifices. Choosing to leave home or draw a line in the sand isn’t selfish; it’s self-loving.

Because only when we honor our truest selves can we genuinely show up for those around us. As long as resentment or guilt lingers, we stay trapped in a painful tug-of-war, torn between betraying ourselves or betraying them. But when we choose ourselves with compassion and courage, we begin to break that cycle and open the door to the respect, love, and freedom we need to truly thrive in our own lives.

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What Does Setting Boundaries Look Like?

One of the biggest sources of guilt when setting boundaries is saying “no” to our parents. The moment we do, we’re often consumed by a fear of disappointing them or feeling like we’re being ungrateful.

But it’s important to remind ourselves that saying “no” isn’t an act of rejection, it’s an act of self-preservation. When communicated with clarity, our boundaries can actually deepen mutual understanding and create a more loving relationship. Setting boundaries might sound like:

“I won’t be able to visit this holiday — I’ve been working hard and really need some time to rest and recharge.”
“I understand that you want me to stay in school and pursue this degree, but my heart is calling me in a different direction, and I need to honor that.”
“I’m not ready to talk about my personal life just yet. I promise I’ll open up when I have more clarity.”

These kinds of statements communicate compassion, respect, and consideration, not defiance. At the end of the day, most parents want what’s best for you, even if their version of “best” doesn’t perfectly align with yours.

By expressing that you value their presence while also advocating for your own time, space, and truth, you give them the opportunity to support you in ways that feel good to both of you.

How to Handle Situations When Boundaries Are Overstepped

The truth about boundaries is that they’re more for you than for the other person. No matter who you’re setting them with, even your parents. Each time we advocate for our needs, even at the risk of disappointing someone, we strengthen our self-worth. When someone oversteps a boundary, it’s a form of disrespect to you. But this awareness is here to empower you. When your boundary is crossed, it’s up to you to clearly address it. Sometimes, assertiveness is necessary. That might mean saying, “This felt like a violation of what I expressed, and I need you to respect that moving forward.”

In some cases, taking space from your parents can be necessary to protect your mental health. That doesn’t mean cutting them off permanently. But a temporary pause in communication can help you restore peace and clarity. What matters is communicating this choice in a calm yet firm way, so everyone understands why that space is needed.

Conclusion

Boundaries aren’t about punishment or pushing people away. They’re about preservation. Setting them is an act of self-respect, self-care, and self-love. When we choose to protect our peace and mental well-being, we are choosing to honor ourselves at the deepest level.

At times, we may wonder why we have to be the ones to lead these conversations or “be the bigger person.” But there’s power in realizing we’re not doing it to please others, we’re doing it to protect our own peace. When we make that shift, we step out of the victim mindset and into our power.

We begin to hold the reins of our lives like we’re meant to; without blame, guilt, or resentment, but with clarity, confidence, and love.

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Niki Kay

Host of the Mindset Mentress Podcast | Guest Writer of Moody Melon Magazine

I'm a writer, podcast host, and entrepreneur focused on self-discovery and transformation. Through my podcast, Mindset Mentress, I share insights on authenticity and growth. Currently pursuing a journalism certification at NYU to enhance my storytelling and impact.

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Romeo and Juliet: The Tragic Beauty of Extreme Love and Hate

Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
Dec 6, 2024

William Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet is often seen as the epitome of passionate love—the kind that defies all boundaries. Yet, it also contains the starkest extremes of hatred and violence, intertwined in a story that resonates deeply with audiences even centuries after it was first performed. But what is it about this tumultuous, all-consuming love that still holds such allure, and why do we often idolize the intensity of both love and hate portrayed in the play?

The Allure of Extreme Emotions

From the first moment Romeo and Juliet lay eyes on each other, their love is portrayed as an intense, almost mystical force, impervious to family loyalty, societal expectations, and even life itself. It’s the kind of love that sweeps you off your feet, leaving no room for hesitation, no time for reason. This extreme love is intoxicating, like a drug that takes over both characters, clouding their judgment and ultimately leading to their tragic fate.

This portrayal taps into a universal longing for emotional intensity, for a love that feels larger than life, as though it could conquer anything—anything, except perhaps the inevitable consequences of such blind devotion. In a world where relationships can feel mundane or uncertain, the story of Romeo and Juliet provides an intoxicating escape into a love that is pure, unfiltered, and bound by fate.

But there’s more to the story than just the idealization of love. The contrast between love and hate is equally powerful, and it’s this stark juxtaposition that makes the play so compelling.

The Double-Edged Sword of Hate

The hatred between the Montagues and Capulets drives much of the drama and conflict in the play. While love between the young lovers blooms in the face of this animosity, it’s clear that this family feud feeds into their passionate actions. Their love is a direct rebellion against their families’ long-standing animosity, and this rebelliousness gives it an edge—something dangerous and forbidden.

Shakespeare brilliantly intertwines the love and hate, demonstrating how these emotions are not only opposing forces but also deeply connected. Just as love blinds Romeo and Juliet to the consequences of their actions, hate clouds the judgment of their families, perpetuating a cycle of violence and grief. The death of both lovers, catalyzed by this senseless feud, is the ultimate consequence of a world ruled by unchecked hate.

What’s intriguing, however, is how we idolize the intense, all-consuming qualities of both love and hate. Why do we gravitate towards this extreme portrayal of emotion? Is it the thrill of passionate defiance? Is it the idea that love can be so powerful, it transcends all obstacles? Or is it simply the raw, unfiltered nature of the emotions involved that we crave?

The Idolization of Extremes

In modern society, we often romanticize intense emotions, especially love. We celebrate grand gestures, sweeping romances, and passionate connections that seem to break all rules. Social media, movies, and books continually promote the idea of a "perfect" love, one that’s intense, all-encompassing, and, often, dramatic. We see this echoed in the portrayal of Romeo and Juliet, where their love is idolized despite its tragic end.

But this idolization of extreme emotions can also be problematic. Just as the lovers’ devotion to one another leads them into destructive territory, our fascination with consuming emotions—whether love or hate—can influence how we view relationships in real life. We may seek relationships that mirror the high stakes and intensity of Romeo and Juliet’s bond, overlooking the foundational elements of healthy communication, mutual respect, and self-awareness.

The Tragic Lesson of Extreme Love and Hate

At its core, Romeo and Juliet serves as both a cautionary tale and a celebration of the profound depth of human emotion. The extreme love and hate in the story bring about tragedy, but they also speak to something deeply human: our capacity for powerful, overwhelming feelings. Shakespeare’s play holds a mirror to our own experiences with love, passion, and anger, reminding us that while these emotions are a fundamental part of who we are, they must be tempered with self-awareness, reason, and a recognition of the consequences of our actions.

In the end, the tragedy of Romeo and Juliet is not just in their untimely deaths, but in the senseless loss of potential that their extreme love and hate caused. The play reminds us that while it’s natural to experience the intensity of these emotions, it’s equally important to step back, reflect, and not let them define or destroy us.

Conclusion: Embracing Healthy Love

Romeo and Juliet’s love may be extreme, but real-life love—healthy, balanced, and mutual—is where true fulfillment lies. While we can appreciate the intensity of Shakespeare’s masterpiece, we should also be mindful of the fine line between passion and destruction. True love should build us up, not tear us down, and it’s through balance and mutual respect that we find love that endures.

In the end, Romeo and Juliet invites us to question the nature of love and hate and whether we should seek the extremes of emotion or the stability of something deeper, more enduring, and more fulfilling.

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