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The Beautiful Mess: Why Struggle Isn’t the Enemy

  • Writer: Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
    Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
  • Jun 29

Struggle is often the very thing that shapes our resilience and reveals what truly matters to us. We spend so much time avoiding discomfort, yet struggle isn’t the enemy; avoidance is.

The Beautiful Mess: Why Struggle Isn’t the Enemy

There’s a quiet pressure in our world to be okay all the time — to bounce back quickly, to stay positive, to be “fine.” Struggling is often seen as a detour from the life we’re supposed to be living. But what if the struggle is the life?


Think about it. Some of the most meaningful changes you’ve made likely came from discomfort — heartbreak that made you reevaluate your worth, burnout that taught you to set boundaries, failure that finally forced you to ask for help. We don’t grow despite struggle. We grow through it.


Like the woman who left a toxic corporate job after months of anxiety, only to rediscover her creativity and launch her own small business — something she’d never have dared to try otherwise.



Struggle Is Not a Symptom of Weakness


Let’s be clear: struggling is not a sign that you’re doing something wrong. It’s a sign that you’re alive, adapting, becoming. In therapy, we often talk about distress tolerance — the idea that building the ability to sit with hard emotions is a skill, not a punishment. The same goes for life: facing hard things doesn’t make you broken, it makes you human.


Often, we expect that if we were doing everything “right,” we wouldn’t feel pain. But life doesn’t work that way. We can eat well, stay mindful, love deeply, and still lose someone we care about. Still get laid off. Still go through heartbreak. Still wake up anxious for no clear reason.


We can’t control what may befall us — not always. But we can decide how we meet ourselves in those moments.


The Wisdom Inside Pain


Pain slows us down — and in a world obsessed with speed, that feels unbearable. But in that slowness is clarity. We notice things. We reflect. We uncover values we didn’t know we had: resilience, compassion, courage.


So often, it’s not until we’re forced to stop — by grief, illness, rejection, or change — that we begin to ask deeper questions. Who am I, really? What matters to me when the noise is gone? For example, after a painful divorce, J.K. Rowling devoted her time to writing stories for her children — and ended up inspiring millions of children worldwide to fall in love with reading.


Pain opens the door to insight — not because it’s noble or romantic, but because it’s honest. It forces us to live in truth, even when it’s hard.


Struggles Teach Us What We’re Made Of


Ever heard someone say, “I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, but I wouldn’t take it back”? That’s the strange gift of struggle. It reveals the depth of your inner life. It shows you where your strength lives.


We often think we know who we are — until life throws something at us we didn’t ask for. A diagnosis. A betrayal. A layoff. That’s when our internal compass really starts to work. That’s when we learn what we’re capable of, what we can hold, and who we want to be through it all.


Struggles ask us to pay attention. They wake us up from autopilot. And while that awakening can hurt, it’s also an invitation: to grow more honest, more grounded, and more alive.


We can't always prevent the hard things — but we can decide whether they shape us or shut us down.


The Truth Is: We Don’t Have to Be “Fine”


There’s no shame in finding life hard. It is hard — and beautiful, and boring, and overwhelming, and everything in between. We live in a culture that tells us to push through and move on, but sometimes, the most courageous thing we can do is pause. Sit with the mess. Let it teach us.


We can hold two things at once: “This is painful” and “I’m still okay.” “I’m grieving” and “I’m growing.” “This isn’t what I wanted” and “I’m finding new parts of myself I never knew were there.”



We can’t always control what befalls us. But we can choose to stay curious, open, and gentle with ourselves as we move through it.


So the next time you find yourself asking, “Why is this happening to me?” — try asking this instead:


What might this struggle be here to show me about who I really am?


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The Armor We Outgrow: Learning to Let Vulnerability In

  • Writer: Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
    Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
  • Apr 22

Learning to let vulnerability in isn’t about being weak—it’s about being brave enough to show up as your full self, even when it feels uncomfortable. The path to deeper connection begins with learning to let vulnerability in, gently replacing old armor with authentic presence.

The Armor We Outgrow: Learning to Let Vulnerability In

From a young age, many of us learn that vulnerability equals weakness. We’re taught to “be strong,” “hold it together,” and “never let them see you cry.” Whether through subtle cultural messages or direct experiences of being shamed or ignored when we opened up, we internalize the belief that showing our pain makes us less worthy, less capable, and less safe.


So we adapt. We toughen up. We smile through sadness. We perfect the art of small talk to avoid the heaviness of real talk. And we wonder why we feel so disconnected, even in rooms full of people.


But what if vulnerability isn’t weakness? What if it’s actually the bravest thing we can offer?


What Vulnerability Really Looks Like


Vulnerability isn’t just crying in front of someone or confessing deep secrets. It can look like asking for help, admitting “I don’t know,” or telling someone “That hurt me.” It’s choosing to speak even when your voice shakes, to stay in the moment even when everything inside you wants to run.


It’s also boundaries, honesty, and showing up authentically—even if that means risking rejection or judgment. Vulnerability is raw and courageous. It invites others to meet us in our truth. Without it, relationships become performance pieces, not real partnerships.



Why We Struggle With It


Many of us have very good reasons for struggling with vulnerability. Maybe we were punished or mocked for being emotional. Maybe we were raised in environments where survival depended on hiding pain. Or maybe we’ve been hurt when we dared to open up—and decided never again.



These defense mechanisms helped us cope, but over time, they can become armor that limits our growth. We start avoiding the very things that could lead to healing: hard conversations, emotional expression, intimacy.


The fear of being “too much” or “not enough” keeps us silent. But silence doesn’t protect—it isolates.


Practicing Vulnerability in Small, Brave Ways


You don’t have to rip off the armor all at once. Start gently. Vulnerability is a muscle—it strengthens with use. Here are a few ways to practice it:


  • Name your emotions aloud. Even something as simple as “I’m feeling overwhelmed right now” invites connection.


  • Start with safe people. Choose those who’ve earned your trust. Share something small and see how they respond.


  • Ask for what you need. Instead of waiting to be noticed, try saying, “I could really use a hug right now” or “Can we talk? I’m having a hard day.”


  • Let go of perfection. Show up messy. It’s okay if you don’t have the perfect words—honesty matters more than polish.


  • Use journaling as a warm-up. Write what you’re feeling before you try to speak it out loud. This helps clarify what’s going on inside.


Vulnerability Is a Two-Way Street


Being vulnerable invites others to do the same. When we lead with honesty, we create safer spaces for real connection. That doesn’t mean every person will meet you where you are—but the right ones will. And that’s how true relationships are built.


You may be surprised by the way people soften when they see the real you. Because underneath all our masks, we’re all just trying to be seen, loved, and understood.


Final Thought


Vulnerability won’t always feel safe—but neither does loneliness, disconnection, or the exhaustion of always pretending you’re okay. When we choose vulnerability, we choose growth, authenticity, and deeper bonds.


So ask yourself: What might open up in your life if you stopped hiding how you really feel?


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Joe's Journey: From Self-Doubt to Self-Acceptance – A Story of Triumph

  • Writer: Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
    Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
  • Dec 3, 2024

Note: This content is fictional and created with the intention to inspire, uplift, and support you on your mental health journey. If it feels discouraging, please feel free to disregard it—your well-being is always the priority.

Joe's Journey: From Self-Doubt to Self-Acceptance – A Story of Triumph

In a world that often demands perfection, the journey to self-acceptance can feel like an uphill battle. But for Joe, a 32-year-old graphic designer from a bustling city, his journey to embracing his true self wasn’t just about accepting who he was—it was about learning to love who he had always been.


The Struggle: A Life Shaped by Doubt


Joe's story began like many others: in a world where external expectations often shaped his inner narrative. Growing up in a family where success was measured by outward accomplishments, Joe always felt like he was falling short. His childhood was filled with comparisons, whether it was about his academic achievements, social success, or even his appearance. He tried hard to fit into molds that were never his own—putting on a mask that hid his insecurities and self-doubt.


In his teenage years, this constant battle for approval intensified. He became a perfectionist, striving to meet the expectations of his peers, family, and society. But no matter how much he achieved—whether it was landing a high-profile design project or getting accolades from colleagues—he never felt truly happy. There was a deep-rooted belief inside him that he wasn’t enough. His self-worth was entirely tied to external validation, and it was always fleeting.


By his mid-20s, Joe had reached a tipping point. Despite his outward successes, he struggled with anxiety, feelings of inadequacy, and a sense of emptiness that seemed to follow him wherever he went. He knew something had to change, but he didn’t know how to start.


The Turning Point: Confronting the Mirror


It wasn’t until Joe hit rock bottom that he began his journey toward self-acceptance. After a particularly difficult breakup that left him questioning his worth, he realized he could no longer keep running from himself. He sought therapy and began to unpack the layers of his past—his childhood, his fears, and the pressures he had placed on himself. Through therapy, Joe began to see the root of his struggles: he had spent his whole life measuring his worth through external approval, never considering what he truly wanted or who he truly was.


In one of his therapy sessions, Joe was asked to do something he had never done before—look at himself in the mirror and say, “I am enough.” The first time he said it, it felt like a lie. He had spent so many years believing the opposite, so saying those words felt foreign and uncomfortable. But he continued, day after day, to face the mirror and challenge his beliefs about himself. Slowly, the discomfort began to fade, and for the first time, he began to believe the words.


The Work: Small Steps Toward Self-Love


The process wasn’t easy. Joe didn’t wake up one day and suddenly feel at peace with himself. He had to put in the work, and that meant acknowledging and confronting the parts of himself he had long avoided. Through therapy, journaling, and mindfulness practices, Joe began to understand that self-acceptance wasn’t about achieving perfection—it was about embracing the totality of who he was, flaws and all.


He started making small changes. He began setting boundaries in his relationships, choosing to surround himself with people who supported him unconditionally. He stopped chasing after approval and started focusing on his own values and passions. His creative work, which had always been dictated by what was trendy or marketable, became an expression of his true self—raw, honest, and unapologetic.


One of the most pivotal moments in Joe’s journey came when he realized that self-acceptance wasn’t about fixing himself or becoming someone else—it was about letting go of the need to be perfect and embracing the beauty in his imperfections. He began to view his struggles, his mistakes, and his past not as obstacles but as integral parts of his story that made him stronger and more resilient.


The Impact: A New Chapter


As Joe continued his journey, he noticed profound changes in his life. His relationships became more genuine, as he stopped hiding behind masks and allowed others to see the real him. His anxiety decreased, and for the first time, he felt comfortable in his own skin. He understood that self-acceptance was a process, and while it didn’t mean he had everything figured out, it meant he could move forward with kindness and patience toward himself.


Joe’s journey of self-acceptance also began to impact his work. His creative projects flourished as he became more confident in his abilities and less focused on what others thought of him. His art became more authentic, drawing on his true emotions and experiences. His clients and collaborators appreciated his vulnerability and transparency, and Joe started to gain the respect he had always longed for—not through external validation but through self-assurance and pride in his own work.


The Takeaway: Self-Acceptance is an Ongoing Journey


Joe’s story is a powerful reminder that the journey to self-acceptance is not linear, nor is it about perfection. It’s about embracing the process of growth, vulnerability, and self-compassion. As Joe learned, it’s not about achieving some ideal version of yourself—it’s about accepting and loving yourself just as you are, in every imperfect moment.


To anyone struggling with self-doubt or anxiety, Joe’s journey offers hope: it’s never too late to start the path toward self-acceptance. With time, patience, and the right support, you can learn to love yourself for who you are—not for what others think you should be.


Take the First Step:


If Joe's story resonates with you, know that you too can embark on a journey toward self-acceptance. Start small, be kind to yourself, and remember—you are enough.


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