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Trust Without the Trauma: How to Heal, Be Enough, and Recognize the Quiet Love Around You

  • Writer: Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
    Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
  • Jun 18

Trust without the trauma is about learning to open your heart again—not because the past didn’t hurt, but because you finally know your worth. In choosing Trust Without the Trauma, we give ourselves permission to heal, grow, and receive love without needing to fight for it.

Trust Without the Trauma: How to Heal, Be Enough, and Recognize the Quiet Love Around You

We’ve all been there—disappointed by someone we trusted, wounded by rejection, let down when we needed support the most. Whether it's a betrayal, abandonment, or the slow drip of neglect, these experiences teach us one thing very quickly: protect yourself. And while that instinct is valid, helpful even, it often overstays its welcome.


What if the walls we’ve built to stay safe are the very ones keeping us from healing?


The Aftermath of Disappointment


After trauma or repeated emotional setbacks, trust becomes not just difficult, but exhausting. We overanalyze every text, question every motive, and brace for the next letdown before joy even gets a chance to land. We learn to expect absence. To wait for silence. To believe that being fully ourselves might be too much—or worse, not enough.


But here’s the truth that trauma doesn’t want us to remember:Your best, real, growing self is enough. You don’t need to shape-shift to be worthy of love. You don’t need to audition for respect.



Let Go of What Doesn’t See You


One of the hardest lessons in mental health and healing is this: some people simply won't show up for us—no matter how kind, generous, or loving we are. And it’s not our job to shrink ourselves trying to change that.


The way someone treats you isn’t always a mirror of your value—it’s often a reflection of where they are, what they fear, or what they simply can’t give.


Instead of trying to win over those who disregard your worth, shift your focus inward and upward. Tend to yourself. Find joy in your own company. And recognize the beautiful souls who do show up.



Notice the Quiet Kindness


Love doesn't always arrive with fireworks and grand gestures. Sometimes it's subtle:


  • A friend checking in when you go quiet

  • A co-worker who remembers how you take your coffee

  • A stranger holding the door just a little longer


Love is often gentle and unspoken. And when we’re constantly chasing big, dramatic displays of care, we risk missing the quiet ways it’s already around us.


Learning to Trust Again (Softly)


Rebuilding trust isn’t about becoming blind or naive. It’s about learning to recognize when safety is present and real. It’s about choosing to see goodness where it exists, without letting the shadows of past pain block the light.


Start small:


  • Trust yourself to set a boundary—and honor it

  • Trust a moment of kindness—without assuming it’s fake

  • Trust that being vulnerable doesn’t make you weak—it makes you real


And remember: you don’t need to beg for love. You only need to be open to seeing it, in whatever form it arrives.


Final Reflection:


What if love has been around you this whole time—just quiet, patient, and waiting for you to finally believe you deserve it?


💬 Ready to start your own healing journey?


Book a session with one of our compassionate therapists at Moody Melon Counseling. We’re here when you’re ready. 🍉



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Micro-Retirement: The Bold Burnout Fix Millennials and Gen Z Are Embracing

  • Writer: Niki Kay | Wellness Podcast Host | Guest Writer
    Niki Kay | Wellness Podcast Host | Guest Writer
  • Apr 14

Burnout has become so normal we think it’s just part of life. We tie our worth to how hard we work, how much we earn, and how many fancy things we own, only to be too exhausted to enjoy any of it. Hustle culture sold us a dream of grinding now and living later at sixty-something, if we even made it that far and still had good health. It’s a gamble many take without realizing the cost: stress, anxiety, and disconnection in the forty-something years in the workforce leading up to it.

Micro-Retirement: The Bold Burnout Fix Millennials and Gen Z Are Embracing

A new generation is breaking free with a bold idea—micro-retirement.


Before this, we saw the great resignation, a mass wake-up call sparked by the pandemic. People quit their jobs to chase dreams, move where they actually wanted to live, travel, and finally prioritize family, freedom, and self-care. But not everyone could sustain that lifestyle. Rising costs pushed people back into traditional jobs, and balancing dreams with real-life bills got stressful.


Next entered quiet quitting: doing the job without overextending and embracing remote work to reclaim time and autonomy. This shift led to the rise of the digital nomad lifestyle, living and working from anywhere in the world. But even that came with tradeoffs of juggling multiple gigs, time zones, and eventually, burnout again.



What is Micro-Retirement?


Unlike traditional retirement or sabbaticals, micro-retirement offers a middle ground, allowing individuals to take intentional career breaks between jobs to focus on travel, passion projects, starting businesses or simply living life on their own terms.


According to The Guardian, micro-retirement is being embraced by Gen Z and late millennials as “a brilliant fix for burnout”. Unlike sabbaticals, which often come with the expectation of returning to the same job or company, micro-retirement is a deliberate pause with no guaranteed plan of returning to the same field or employer. It’s an intentional career break focused on living life now, rather than waiting on a retirement fund to finally live their dreams.


How It Works: Strategy Over Spontaneity


Micro-retirement in a nutshell means working a high-paying job for two to three years and saving aggressively during that time. Along the way, you also build transferable skills and gain experience that can be used across different jobs or industries.


How comfortably you can take your micro-retirement depends on how aggressive your strategy is. For example, working as an accountant at a Big 4 firm can be a great starting point—you earn well, build a strong network, and gain valuable experience. Later, those same skills and connections can help you launch your own business, where having a basic understanding of finance is a huge plus, or you might tap into your network to find investors who believe in your vision.


Others might use this break to travel more, explore passion projects, or dive into freelance work. The possibilities are endless.


End of the day, it is all about shifting away from outdated beliefs about how a career “should” look. The ultimate goal? To live a more fulfilling life on your own terms by prioritizing well-being, purpose, and burnout recovery.


Health & Wellness Benefits of Micro-Retirement


The traditional American Dream no longer appeals to younger generations, especially if it comes at the cost of their mental health and wellbeing. Instead, there’s been a major shift toward prioritizing freedom and self-exploration.



One of the biggest perks micro-retirees experience is reduced stress. Not having to clock in every day brings an immediate sense of relief. Better sleep cycles are also common. Believe it or not, not waking up to an alarm every morning is one of life’s most underrated luxuries.


Plus, without being stuck at a desk all day, young retirees have more opportunities to move their bodies. That could look like a random mid-day walk or a relaxed grocery run to cook a healthier meal, instead of rushing to throw something together that's quick but not necessarily nourishing.


By focusing on their individual well-being, retirees are able to fill their own cups first. This allows them to show up more fully for their loved ones and enjoy quality time together—without being mentally drained or emotionally checked out.


One can’t argue that the biggest benefit of this lifestyle? Having your money, health, and time all working for you at once, unlike traditional retirees, who may have the money and the time, but not always the health to fully enjoy either.


How to Plan Your Micro-Retirement


Like any unconventional lifestyle choice, micro-retirement requires careful planning and financial preparation to be sustainable. Here’s how to do it right:


  1. Budget and Save Aggressively: While working, build a strong financial foundation to support your micro-retirement without financial strain.


  2. Secure a Safety Net: Have savings for essentials like rent, food, and medical emergencies you can live on without relying on a steady paycheck.


  3. Plan for Travel Costs: If your goal is to travel during your micro-retirement, research destinations and plan for “worst-case-scenario” estimate of expenses.


  4. Build Alternative Income Streams: Freelancing, investing, or working on a side hustle can help sustain your lifestyle during micro-retirement.


Conclusion


By taking a strategic approach, micro-retirement allows individuals to experience the freedom of retirement at multiple points in life, rather than waiting until old age. It’s a lifestyle that prioritizes living fully, avoiding burnout, and redefining success on one's own terms.


💬 Ready to start your own healing journey?


Book a session with one of our compassionate therapists at Moody Melon Counseling. We’re here when you’re ready. 🍉




References:

Carlie Malott

Niki Kay

Host of the Mindset Mentress Podcast | Guest Writer of Moody Melon Magazine

I'm a writer, podcast host, and entrepreneur focused on self-discovery and transformation. Through my podcast, Mindset Mentress, I share insights on authenticity and growth. Currently pursuing a journalism certification at NYU to enhance my storytelling and impact.

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Is It Really That Offensive to Say I Don’t Love Myself? You Might Be Surprised

  • Writer: Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
    Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
  • Dec 22, 2024

In a world that constantly encourages self-love and positivity, it can feel almost offensive to say I don’t love myself, as if admitting such a thing makes me weak or unworthy. The pressure to always feel good about ourselves can make it seem offensive to say I don’t love myself, but in reality, it’s a raw and honest expression of what so many people experience silently.

Is It Really That Offensive to Say I Don’t Love Myself? You Might Be Surprised

Self-love. It’s a term that gets tossed around a lot these days—on social media, in therapy sessions, and in the self-help books that promise us the world if we just “learn to love ourselves.” But here's the truth that no one likes to admit: It’s more common than you think to not love yourself. In fact, it might be more relatable than you’d expect.


Now, before you throw your hands up in disbelief or start mentally defending your self-worth, take a moment to think: how often do you criticize yourself? How many times have you looked in the mirror and felt disappointment or, worse, disgust? How frequently do you feel like you're just not enough?


We’ve all heard the phrase “you can’t love others until you love yourself,” but what if loving yourself feels impossible, or worse, offensive to admit? For some, saying “I don’t love myself” doesn’t feel like a simple expression of self-awareness—it feels like a betrayal of the very thing we’re supposed to strive for. After all, society, friends, family, and even our inner voices push us to believe that self-love is a requirement for mental health and happiness. But is that even realistic?


The Hidden Reality: Why Self-Love Feels Elusive


When we talk about self-love, we often envision unwavering confidence, positive affirmations, and a life filled with self-compassion. But the reality is far murkier. Self-love is not an all-or-nothing experience. It ebbs and flows, and for many, it feels more like a constant battle than a peaceful state of being.


If you’ve ever found yourself thinking:


  • “I don’t deserve to feel good about myself.”

  • “I should be further along in life by now.”

  • “I’m just not as good as other people.”


…you’re not alone. In fact, many people feel this way every single day. But society tells us to hide it. We're expected to fake it, put on a brave face, and pretend that everything is fine—even when it’s not.


And that’s where the problem lies. We’re conditioned to believe that self-love is an innate ability—something we should just “snap into” if we try hard enough. But for people who struggle with anxiety, depression, or past trauma, it can feel like trying to climb an emotional mountain that’s too steep and too slippery to reach the top.


The Pressure to "Love Yourself" Is Not Always Helpful


Self-love is often painted as a shiny, attainable goal: if you don’t love yourself, you’re broken, missing something, or failing at life. In reality, the path to self-love is a messy, ongoing journey. It isn’t just about chanting affirmations or making sure you practice mindfulness every day—it’s about accepting the parts of yourself you find unlovable, learning to be kind when you feel unworthy, and offering yourself grace when your self-criticism runs wild.


Let’s face it: telling someone who’s struggling to love themselves to “just love yourself” doesn’t help. For someone in a difficult mental space, these simple words can feel like a dismissal, or worse, a judgment of their worth. It’s like telling someone with a broken leg to “just walk it off.” It invalidates the complexity of their experience.


So, what does it really mean to love yourself, and why is it so hard to admit you don’t?


The Culture of Shame: Why We Can’t Say "I Don’t Love Myself"


We live in a culture that places a premium on perfection and achievement. We’re taught that we must be happy, positive, and confident all the time. Showing vulnerability or admitting that we don’t love ourselves feels almost like failing. The shame associated with struggling to accept yourself often makes it impossible to speak honestly about your inner experience.


And yet, saying "I don't love myself" is not as shocking as we might think. It’s actually a common experience for many people, and it’s absolutely okay to admit it. By naming it, we can start to understand it and break down the stigma surrounding our emotional struggles.


Reframing Self-Love: Small Steps Toward Radical Compassion


If you’re struggling to love yourself, here’s the good news: you don’t have to “love yourself” in the conventional sense to start healing. Sometimes, it’s about taking small, compassionate steps toward self-acceptance. Here’s how:


  1. Stop the Negative Self-Talk: Start paying attention to how you talk to yourself. Is your inner dialogue full of judgment? Begin by replacing harsh thoughts with neutral observations. For example, instead of saying, “I’m a failure,” try “I didn’t succeed this time, but I can learn from this.”


  2. Allow Yourself to Feel: Self-love isn’t about ignoring your emotions; it’s about embracing them. If you’re feeling low, let yourself feel low—without judgment. You are allowed to feel everything you feel, without labeling yourself as unworthy.


  3. Seek Support, Not Perfection: Reaching out for help doesn’t mean you’re broken—it means you’re human. Whether it’s through therapy, support groups, or confiding in friends, sharing your experience can help you begin to see yourself as worthy of love, even when you don’t feel it.


  4. Celebrate Small Wins: Self-love doesn’t have to be a grand gesture. It’s about recognizing the small victories: waking up, showing up, taking a shower, going to work. These are all acts of self-care, and they matter more than you might think.


  5. Understand Self-Love Is Not Perfection: Loving yourself doesn’t mean being perfect. It’s about being kind to yourself, even when you feel imperfect. Embrace your flaws as part of who you are, not as obstacles to self-love.


Breaking the Silence: Can We Talk About It?


So, here’s the question: Why is it so offensive to say “I don’t love myself,” and what would happen if we were all just a little more honest about it?


Maybe the real key to healing lies not in pretending to love ourselves all the time but in accepting that we can love ourselves even when we don’t feel it. Embracing the vulnerability of not being “okay” all the time could be the very thing that breaks us free from the shame and isolation we often experience. It’s okay not to have it all figured out. In fact, it’s more than okay—it’s essential to our collective healing.


By speaking honestly about our struggles, we open the door to compassion, connection, and ultimately, the kind of self-love that’s grounded in authenticity, not perfection.


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