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  • Writer: Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
    Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
  • May 9

Impostor Syndrome can make even the most accomplished professionals feel like they’re just pretending to know what they’re doing. It feeds on self-doubt and perfectionism, often silencing the recognition of genuine achievements.

Breaking Free from Impostor Syndrome at Work—The Quiet Crisis in Confidence

You landed the job. You’re showing up, delivering results, and even receiving compliments from your boss. From the outside, you appear confident and capable. But inside? You might be wrestling with a nagging feeling that you’re fooling everyone—that at any moment, someone will expose you as a fraud.


This is impostor syndrome: a psychological pattern where capable individuals doubt their accomplishments and fear being unmasked as incompetent. It's not about actual lack of skill—it's about the inability to internalize success. This mental tug-of-war can be exhausting and isolating, especially in professional environments where competence is currency.


Why Impostor Syndrome Thrives


Impostor syndrome doesn’t arise in a vacuum. It feeds off environments that value perfection over process, and where competition is high and vulnerability is low. In workplaces where people rarely admit they’re struggling or unsure, we start to believe we’re the only ones who don’t “have it all together.”


Perfectionism plays a major role. When you set impossibly high standards for yourself, anything short of flawless execution feels like failure. Add to that the pressure of being underrepresented in your field—whether you're the youngest in the room, a person of color, the first in your family to enter a professional space, or part of any marginalized group—and those feelings of not belonging can become even more pronounced.


Over time, this internal dialogue becomes automatic. Every achievement is downplayed as “luck” or “timing,” while every minor mistake feels like proof you were never good enough to begin with.


Spotting the Signs


One of the most important steps in tackling impostor syndrome is learning to recognize its voice. It often sounds like:


  • “I don’t deserve this job. They hired me by mistake.”

  • “I’m not as smart as people think I am.”

  • “If I ask for help, they’ll know I’m incompetent.”

  • “That success doesn’t count—it wasn’t that hard.”


These thoughts might feel true, but they’re distorted by fear. Pause and ask yourself: Is there actual evidence I’m not good enough—or am I just scared of being seen as less than perfect?


Awareness is the first crack in the armor of impostor syndrome. Once you can name it, you can begin to challenge and change it.


Speak It to Break It


Silence is the breeding ground for impostor syndrome. The less we talk about it, the more power it has. That’s why opening up—whether to a mentor, a friend, or a mental health professional—is such a critical step.


You might be surprised at how common this experience is, even among those you admire. Many successful people have privately admitted to feeling like frauds at times. When you hear others share the same thoughts you’ve been carrying alone, something powerful happens: shame loses its grip.


Talking about your fears doesn’t make you weak; it makes you human. It builds connection, resilience, and perspective—and reminds you that you don’t have to navigate your doubts alone.


Shift the Narrative


Once you’ve recognized impostor thoughts, the next step is to reframe them. This means replacing self-sabotaging beliefs with more compassionate, grounded ones.


Instead of:


  • “I have no idea what I’m doing.” → Try: “I’m learning something new, and that takes time.”


  • “They’re going to find out I’m not qualified.” → Try: “I was hired for a reason. My growth doesn’t disprove my worth.”


Reframing doesn’t mean pretending everything is perfect. It means choosing to interpret your experiences through a lens of growth rather than inadequacy. It means giving yourself permission to be in progress, not perfect.


Document Your Wins


When self-doubt is loud, evidence is your best defense. Keep a “confidence file”—a digital or physical space where you collect positive feedback, thank-you notes, successful project summaries, and moments you felt proud of your work.


On difficult days, this file becomes your proof. It reminds you that your impact is real, even if your inner critic tries to convince you otherwise. This practice not only grounds you in reality but helps build a habit of internalizing success rather than brushing it off.


You can also journal moments of growth—like the time you asked a hard question, made a tough decision, or navigated a challenge gracefully. These are signs of competence, even if they don’t come with applause.


You’re Not an Impostor. You’re Human.


Everyone feels unsure at times. Everyone has moments of fear, especially when stepping into something new or challenging. The difference is that not everyone lets those fears define their identity.


You’re not failing because you feel uncertain—you’re succeeding because you keep showing up despite it. Confidence isn’t the absence of doubt; it’s the willingness to act in its presence. Real professionals don’t know everything—they ask, they learn, they grow. That’s what makes them effective, not infallible.


The truth is, you're not an impostor. You're a human being doing real, meaningful work in a world that often forgets to tell you you're enough.


Eye-Opening Question: If you believed you were fully qualified, worthy, and capable… how would you show up differently at work tomorrow?


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  • Writer: Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
    Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
  • Nov 29, 2024

When childhood modeling wasn't enough, many people struggle to cope with adulthood's stresses, lacking the emotional tools and coping strategies that others may have learned early on. Without proper modeling of healthy emotional regulation and conflict resolution, it can be difficult to manage work, family, and personal challenges. However, through self-awareness and support, it’s possible to break these patterns and develop healthier ways of coping.

Breaking the Cycle: Navigating Stress in Adulthood When Childhood Modeling Wasn't Enough

Stress. It’s an undeniable part of life. From work pressures and family responsibilities to the demands of school or personal life, modern-day stress can feel like an ever-present shadow. But when you’ve grown up in an environment where emotional regulation, coping strategies, and healthy boundaries were never modeled, managing stress can feel like an insurmountable challenge.


If you were raised in an environment where you didn’t see healthy ways of handling stress—whether due to parental neglect, emotional unavailability, or even toxic behaviors like constant conflict—those early years can have a lasting impact on your ability to navigate the pressures of adulthood. As an adult, you may find yourself struggling to cope with the everyday stressors that others seem to handle more easily. The key to moving forward is recognizing how these childhood patterns shape your responses today and taking steps to rewrite the script.


Here’s how you can begin breaking the cycle of poor modeling and learn to manage stress more effectively.


1. Recognize the Patterns from Your Past


The first step in breaking the cycle is awareness. Many adults who were raised in emotionally turbulent environments often internalize unhealthy coping mechanisms, like avoidance, emotional shutdown, or overcompensation (working harder, ignoring emotions). These learned behaviors become ingrained over time and can sabotage your efforts to handle adult stress effectively.


Take a moment to reflect on your childhood. How did your parents or caregivers handle conflict, frustration, or disappointment? Did they withdraw emotionally, lash out, or suppress their feelings? By identifying these patterns, you can begin to recognize how they might be influencing your current behavior. The goal here is not to blame, but to understand—only then can you start creating new, healthier responses.


2. Understand How Stress Affects You Personally


When you didn’t have the right tools growing up, it’s common to experience stress differently as an adult. Some people might internalize stress, leading to anxiety, depression, or self-blame. Others might externalize it, lashing out in anger or withdrawing into unhealthy coping mechanisms like substance abuse, overeating, or compulsive work habits.


Understanding your personal stress response is crucial. Do you tend to shut down when you feel overwhelmed? Do you take on too much in an attempt to control the chaos around you? Do you feel an intense need to be “perfect” at everything? The more you understand your individual triggers and reactions, the better equipped you'll be to manage them moving forward.


3. Create Healthy Boundaries


One of the most significant challenges for people who grew up with poor emotional modeling is setting boundaries. If your caregivers didn’t respect your needs or establish their own healthy boundaries, you may have grown up thinking that boundaries are either unnecessary or that they lead to rejection or conflict.


However, boundaries are essential for stress management, especially in the face of work, family, and school demands. Learning to say “no” when you’re overwhelmed, carving out time for yourself, and asking for help when needed are all critical skills for managing stress. Start small by identifying areas where your boundaries are being crossed (whether by family members, colleagues, or even yourself), and practice setting limits. It’s important to remember that boundaries don’t make you selfish—they protect your well-being.


4. Develop Emotional Awareness and Expression


As a child, you may not have been taught how to express or process emotions in healthy ways. Maybe feelings were dismissed, invalidated, or even ignored altogether. This can make it especially difficult to identify or express emotions as an adult.


Developing emotional awareness is one of the most powerful ways to combat stress. Start by simply tuning in to how you’re feeling throughout the day. Are you stressed, anxious, frustrated, or tired? Instead of pushing these feelings down, allow yourself to acknowledge them. Journaling can be a helpful tool here—writing down your thoughts can give you clarity on what’s contributing to your stress.


Additionally, practicing emotional expression in safe spaces (like therapy, with trusted friends, or through creative outlets) can help you release pent-up feelings that you may have been holding onto for years.


5. Invest in Self-Care and Healing


Healing from poor childhood modeling is a long-term process. If you didn’t receive the support you needed growing up, it’s important to seek out help as an adult. Therapy, support groups, or counseling can be incredibly beneficial in helping you unpack past trauma and learn new ways to cope with stress. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), for example, can help you recognize negative thought patterns and replace them with more constructive ways of thinking.


Self-care is also key. It’s easy to neglect your own needs when you’re juggling the demands of work, school, and family. However, taking time to care for your body, mind, and spirit is essential for reducing stress and building emotional resilience. Whether it's practicing mindfulness, meditating, exercising, or taking a break to read or engage in a hobby, finding ways to nourish yourself will make it easier to handle life's challenges.


6. Build a Support System That Models Healthy Coping


Another key to managing stress is surrounding yourself with people who model healthy coping mechanisms. If you didn’t have this growing up, it’s time to build your own support network. Seek out friendships, mentors, or therapists who can show you what it looks like to handle life’s challenges with balance, patience, and emotional intelligence.


Having a support system is crucial when stress is high. Whether you lean on a therapist, talk to a close friend, or connect with others in a support group, having someone to talk to and share your experiences with can help reduce the overwhelming feeling of carrying stress alone.


Conclusion: Breaking the Cycle and Moving Forward


The road to managing stress effectively when you’ve had poor modeling as a child is not an easy one, but it’s a journey that’s well worth taking. Acknowledge that your upbringing has shaped your response to stress, but also recognize that it’s never too late to change. With awareness, support, and the right coping tools, you can break free from old patterns and build a healthier, more resilient approach to life’s demands.


Remember: You are not bound by the past, and you have the power to rewrite your story. Starting today, make a commitment to take small, consistent steps towards healing. The work will be hard, but the reward—a balanced life where stress no longer controls you—is within reach.


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