- Linda Liu | Mental Health Advocate | Guest Writer
- Jul 2
When I was an undergraduate, I spent a summer interning at a public school in a small Chinese city where my relatives work. I noticed a disturbing trend: the quietest, most reserved girls were often assigned to sit next to the most disruptive boys—sometimes even known bullies. Confused, I asked a teacher why this was the case. "We've always done it this way," she replied. "It helps keep the class in order." I pushed further—why not pair those boys with calm boys instead? She paused. Then repeated, "We've always done it this way."
When I asked how they compensated these girls for bearing that emotional burden, the teacher said, "We praise them for being so mature."
But I wanted to scream: since when did being silent become a girl's job? And since when did "being mature" mean enduring more?
Early Conditioning
Girls around the world are taught—through media, school, family, and culture—to see themselves not through their own eyes, but through others’. In East Asian contexts especially, girls learn early that being "obedient," "quiet," "pretty but not provocative" is what earns approval. They're encouraged to be passive, to endure discomfort, and to regulate their behavior for the sake of others. Meanwhile, boys are often praised for being bold, disruptive, and ambitious. Male curiosity is framed as exploration; female curiosity, as a threat.
Popular media reinforces these roles. Early Disney films taught girls that passivity leads to reward—Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, and Cinderella are all "saved" by male heroes. Female protagonists rarely solve their own problems; instead, they are rewarded for their beauty, compliance, and suffering. In contrast, male heroes undergo growth arcs based on courage, agency, and self-realization.
The problem runs deeper in contemporary cinema. In The Flowers of War, the real-life bravery of Minnie Vautrin—a U.S. female missionary who protected thousands of Chinese women during the Nanjing Massacre—is rewritten into a narrative centered around a white male priest who becomes the savior. In Heroes in Harm's Way, a real story about an epileptic boy who accidentally removed a nurse's mask during pandemics is reimagined with a mischievous little girl as the culprit, subtly shifting blame onto a female body. Meanwhile, Memoirs of a Geisha, Scent of a Woman, and Malèna transform women into objects of erotic mystery—loved not for who they are, but for how they make men feel.
Even sports entertainment isn't immune: Many professional female cheerleaders would love to express strength, athleticism, and artistry—but in leagues like the NBA or NFL, systemic expectations often confine them to narrowly defined roles that prioritize sex appeal over personal expression. WNBA games, however, don’t include male cheerleaders in equivalent sexy outfits—because the system was never designed to serve the female gaze.
As Fredrickson and Roberts (1997) explain in Objectification Theory, girls internalize these cues early, learning to see themselves as objects to be evaluated. Naomi Wolf (1991) calls this the "beauty myth"—a system designed to keep women consumed by their appearance rather than their power.
Internalization & Mental Health Impact
In many East Asian cultures, girls are subjected to early and rigid appearance-based conditioning. Beauty is narrow—fair skin, slender limbs, soft voice, modest dress. A girl must be good before she is loud, small before she is heard. If she excels academically, she hears, "Boys are smarter in the long run." If she rebels, she hears, "Girls shouldn't act like that."
In many Western cultures, girls experience a different but equally harmful pressure: early sexualization. They are encouraged to be sexy but not slutty, confident but not loud, desirable but always in control of their desirability. This creates an exhausting double bind. As Gill (2007) notes, this postfeminist sensibility rebrands self-objectification as empowerment, while Tolman (2002) shows how early sexualization leads to chronic self-surveillance and boundary confusion.
The result comes to low self-esteem, body shame, anxiety, depression, eating disorders, and an overwhelming sense of never being enough.
Healing & Reclaiming Agency
But healing is happening. More and more women are seeking therapy—not because they are broken, but because they want to reconnect with the parts of themselves that were silenced. They're learning to reparent their inner child, to question the rules they were taught, and to define their own worth.
They're exploring body neutrality—the idea that a body doesn't have to be beautiful to be valuable. For example, try to tell yourself: my body is healthy, it can help me shine in the workplace and enjoy life, it does not need to meet everyone’s expectations. That a body is worthy because it houses life, not because it earns likes.
Today, women are building communities with other women—places where they can talk honestly about shame, fear, and joy. Where being heard is not a privilege, but a practice. This piece is not written about women, but with them. We are not objects to be dissected, improved, or pitied. We are participants in a quiet revolution—reclaiming our right to take up space, to feel safe in our skin, to matter beyond how we look.
Women are not for display, and we were never meant to be. The world may teach us to shrink, but we are learning to expand.
💬 Ready to start your own healing journey?
Book a session with one of our compassionate therapists at Moody Melon Counseling. We’re here when you’re ready. 🍉
References:
Fredrickson, B. L., & Roberts, T.-A. (1997). Objectification theory: Toward understanding women’s lived experiences and mental health risks. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 21(2), 173–206. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1471-6402.1997.tb00108.x
Gill, R. (2007). Gender and the media. Polity Press.
Tolman, D. L. (2002). Dilemmas of desire: Teenage girls talk about sexuality. Harvard University Press.
Wolf, N. (1991). The beauty myth: How images of beauty are used against women. Harper Perennial.
American Psychological Association, Task Force on the Sexualization of Girls. (2007). Report of the APA Task Force on the Sexualization of Girls. https://www.apa.org/pi/women/programs/girls/report-full.pdf
Linda Liu
Mental Health Advocate | Guest Writer of Moody Melon Magazine
I am a graduate student at the University of Minnesota, passionate about fostering authentic human connection and emotional well-being in professional and personal spaces. I am a certified Mental Health First Aider by the National Council for Mental Wellbeing. I write to honor vulnerability, resilience, and hope.
