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Building Strong Bonds: How Parenting in Childhood Shapes Trusting Relationships with Adult Children

  • Writer: Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
    Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
  • Apr 1

Building trusting relationships with adult children requires ongoing communication, mutual respect, and a willingness to prioritize connection over conflict. By nurturing these bonds from a young age, parents can create a foundation that allows for deeper understanding and support throughout their children's adulthood.

Building Strong Bonds: How Parenting in Childhood Shapes Trusting Relationships with Adult Children

As adults, we often find ourselves reflecting on the relationships we have with our parents—whether they were supportive, strained, or filled with complexity. The reality is, the foundation for these relationships starts long before we reach adulthood. In fact, the way we nurture, communicate, and guide our children in their formative years plays a pivotal role in the nature of our relationship with them when they become adults.


It’s easy to assume that when our children grow up and become independent, the nature of the relationship changes, too. However, the truth is that the seeds of trust, communication, and connection are sown in childhood. Building a close, trusting relationship with your adult child doesn’t happen overnight, and it isn’t something that magically appears when they reach their twenties or thirties. It begins much earlier, when they’re still children.


The Importance of Trust in Childhood


At its core, trust is the cornerstone of any strong relationship. For parents and children, this trust is developed through consistent, open, and empathetic communication. From a young age, children begin to learn how much they can rely on their parents for both emotional and physical support. When parents are there to listen without judgment, provide guidance, and follow through on promises, children internalize these experiences as trust-building moments.


The little moments matter: when you respond calmly and supportively to your child’s fears, when you acknowledge their feelings, when you prioritize their needs over your own. These are the moments that tell children, "I can count on you," and they stay with them long after they’ve grown up.


Setting the Stage for Future Connection


The way you handle difficult conversations in your child’s youth can echo into their adult years. If you create an environment where open communication is valued, where feelings can be shared without fear of criticism, your adult child will feel more comfortable coming to you with their own struggles as they grow older.


It’s also important to remember that children learn by example. If they see you navigating challenges with resilience, honesty, and empathy, they will adopt these behaviors themselves. Modeling healthy emotional regulation, self-reflection, and respectful conflict resolution during their childhood helps set the stage for more meaningful and productive interactions in adulthood.


The Power of Empathy


Empathy is one of the most powerful tools in cultivating lasting trust. When parents take the time to understand their children’s perspectives—acknowledging their unique emotions, struggles, and experiences—they validate their children’s feelings. This validation builds a sense of security that encourages emotional openness.


In fact, research has shown that children who feel understood and supported by their parents are more likely to develop strong social and emotional skills, which will serve them well as they enter adulthood. A parent’s empathy in childhood makes a tremendous difference in how children perceive relationships later in life.


Choosing the Relationship Over "Who's Right"


One of the most powerful ways to maintain a close relationship with your child as they grow older is by prioritizing the relationship itself, rather than focusing on "who’s right" in disagreements. When parents take the stance of being “right” all the time, it creates an environment where children are more likely to shut down emotionally or resist open communication.


It’s natural to want to correct our children when they make mistakes, but the way we do so matters. Opting to approach situations with a spirit of collaboration, rather than a desire to win, helps to strengthen the bond. Sometimes, even when it feels like the stakes are high, choosing the relationship over being right fosters trust. It tells your child that you value them as a person—flaws and all—and that you’re not more concerned with being in control than with nurturing a healthy connection.


When your child feels that they are seen and heard, rather than just “corrected” or “taught a lesson,” they are more likely to continue coming to you for advice and emotional support as adults. In the long term, this approach ensures that the relationship remains strong, built on mutual respect and understanding.


Navigating the Transition to Adulthood


As your children enter adulthood, it’s essential to strike a balance between maintaining boundaries and continuing to offer emotional support. The adolescent years are often marked by a desire for independence, and as parents, it’s important to respect that while still remaining emotionally available. If you’ve laid the foundation of trust and understanding during their childhood, transitioning into an adult relationship can be smoother.


Adulthood brings with it new challenges for both parents and children. Your child may seek advice on relationships, career decisions, or life choices—moments that present opportunities to reinforce the trust you've built over the years. Remember, this relationship is not one-sided; it’s a dynamic process of mutual respect and communication.


The Key to Sustaining Close Relationships with Adult Children


While the transition from parent-child to an adult-adult relationship may feel like a natural evolution, it requires continued effort. Here are a few key points to keep in mind:


  • Respect their autonomy: Give your adult children the space to make their own decisions while offering guidance when needed. Trust that they have internalized the values you’ve taught them.


  • Continue to listen: Even as they grow older, don’t stop being an active listener. Whether they’re talking about their work, relationships, or personal challenges, your listening ear will strengthen your bond.


  • Offer support, not control: The days of guiding every aspect of your child’s life are over. Instead, offer unconditional support, even if it’s just a phone call to check in. Let them know you’re there without overstepping.


  • Celebrate their milestones: Whether it’s a career achievement, a marriage, or starting a family, celebrate their successes and show that you value their growth and independence.


Conclusion: The Long-Term Impact of Childhood Trust


The foundation for a strong, trusting relationship with your adult child is built through a series of intentional actions taken over the years. It’s about showing up emotionally, building empathy, and fostering open communication from the moment they’re born. As your child matures into adulthood, the trust you've developed will be the bedrock of your relationship, allowing both of you to navigate life’s challenges together.


So, how can you choose the relationship over being "right" in your interactions with your child today, knowing it will lay the groundwork for a stronger bond in their adulthood?


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Unseen Scars: The Hidden Toll of Bullying in Middle School and How We Can Help Our Children Heal

  • Writer: Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
    Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
  • Mar 28

The toll of bullying in middle school can be severe, often leading to long-term emotional and psychological scars, including anxiety, depression, and decreased self-esteem. As children navigate these formative years, the effects of bullying can impact their academic performance, social interactions, and overall mental well-being.

Unseen Scars: The Hidden Toll of Bullying in Middle School and How We Can Help Our Children Heal

Middle school is often a time of significant transition for children. They're navigating new social circles, academic pressures, and their growing identities. Unfortunately, it’s also a time when bullying can take root and begin to shape how a child perceives themselves and the world around them. While we often think of bullying as a mere rite of passage or something kids should just “toughen up” from, the reality is that bullying in middle school can have long-lasting effects on a child’s mental health, well-being, and self-esteem.


The Seriousness of Bullying in Middle School


Bullying isn’t just a playground problem; it’s a deeply troubling issue that affects millions of children every year. In fact, the National Bullying Prevention Center reports that about one in five students experience bullying. Middle school students are especially vulnerable because they are in the middle of forming their sense of identity, which makes them more susceptible to the opinions and behavior of their peers.


Bullying can manifest in various forms — physical, verbal, social, and increasingly online through social media. Whether it’s through cruel comments, exclusion from groups, rumors, or online harassment, bullying can have a far-reaching impact on a child’s mental health. Studies show that bullying is linked to increased rates of anxiety, depression, loneliness, and in extreme cases, suicidal thoughts and behaviors.


How Bullying Affects Mental Health


Children who experience bullying often internalize the hurtful things they hear, which can lead to diminished self-worth and feelings of helplessness. The chronic stress from being bullied can even alter a child’s brain chemistry, affecting their ability to concentrate, engage with peers, and perform academically. The emotional scars often outlast the physical ones, and the child may carry these effects into adulthood if they don't get the right support.

The emotional pain can also manifest physically. Children may experience sleep disturbances, headaches, stomachaches, and even changes in eating habits. The mental and physical toll that bullying takes on children often goes unnoticed, leaving them to face the weight of it alone.


How Parents Can Support Their Child


As parents, guardians, and educators, we play a critical role in helping children navigate bullying. It’s crucial that we not only recognize when a child is being bullied but also provide them with the tools to respond effectively. Here are a few practical tips to support our children:


  1. Listen Without Judgment

    When a child opens up about being bullied, the first step is to listen with empathy and without interruption. Let them express their feelings, validate their emotions, and assure them that what they’re experiencing is real and important. This will help them feel seen and understood.


  2. Teach Them How to Respond

    One of the most effective ways to combat bullying is by teaching children how to respond. Encourage them to stand tall, look the bully in the eye, and assertively tell them to stop. Role-playing different scenarios can help build their confidence to respond in real-life situations. Let them know they have the right to walk away and seek help when needed.


  3. Foster Strong Communication Skills

    Open communication is essential. Make sure your child knows that they can come to you with any issues they’re facing. Regularly check in with your child, especially if you suspect they may be dealing with bullying. This shows them they are not alone and you are a safe person to turn to.


  4. Help Them Build a Support System

    Children who experience bullying often feel isolated. Encourage your child to build strong friendships with supportive peers. You can also suggest activities where they can meet new friends, like joining clubs, sports, or after-school programs. A strong support system can provide a buffer against the effects of bullying.


  5. Encourage Self-Compassion and Resilience

    Teach your child to practice self-compassion and remind them that their worth is not determined by the opinions of others. Encourage them to engage in activities they enjoy and that build their self-esteem, like drawing, writing, or sports. Help them focus on their strengths, rather than the negativity from bullies.


  6. Get Involved at School

    Bullying is often a school-wide issue, and schools need to take responsibility for creating a safe environment. Speak with your child’s teachers, school counselor, and principal about anti-bullying programs or policies. Ensure that there are clear steps in place to address bullying when it occurs, and that your child knows how to report incidents safely.


  7. Seek Professional Help if Needed

    If bullying has caused significant emotional distress or mental health issues for your child, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. A therapist or counselor can provide your child with coping strategies, help them process their feelings, and support their emotional recovery. Therapy can also help children rebuild their self-esteem and find ways to heal from bullying’s emotional scars.


  8. Consider Alternative Schooling Options

    Sometimes, despite all efforts, the bullying may not stop or the school environment may not be conducive to your child's well-being. If the bullying persists or worsens and your child’s mental health is at risk, it may be necessary to remove your child from that environment temporarily or permanently. Homeschooling, transferring to a different school, or seeking out a more supportive educational setting might be the best decision to help your child heal and regain their confidence.


Conclusion


Bullying may start as something small but can quickly grow into a powerful force that shapes a child’s identity and mental health. As adults, we must take this issue seriously and provide the necessary tools and support for our children to overcome these challenges. It’s not enough to just talk about bullying; we need to actively listen, equip children with strategies to respond, and advocate for a safer, more supportive environment.


By being proactive in supporting our children through these difficult times, we help them build resilience and ensure they understand that bullying does not define their worth.


Question to ponder: How can we, as a society, create an environment where children feel safe, supported, and empowered to speak out against bullying, without fear of judgment or isolation? And when should we recognize it’s time to remove a child from a harmful situation to protect their mental health?


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The Teen Mental Health Crisis: Understanding the Struggles and the Path Forward

  • Writer: Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
    Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
  • Mar 3

The teen mental health crisis has reached alarming levels, with more adolescents struggling with anxiety, depression, and isolation than ever before. Addressing this crisis requires a collective effort to provide better resources, support, and open conversations about mental well-being.

The Teen Mental Health Crisis: Understanding the Struggles and the Path Forward

In recent years, the mental health crisis among teenagers has reached alarming levels. What was once an isolated issue has now become a widespread epidemic affecting millions of adolescents across the globe. The statistics are staggering: studies show that mental health issues in teens, such as anxiety, depression, and self-harm, have seen a significant rise, with one in three teens reporting feelings of sadness or hopelessness. As parents, educators, and society at large, we must ask ourselves: Why is this happening, and how can we help our teens navigate this turbulent time in their lives?


The Scope of the Crisis


It’s not just the numbers that are concerning; it's the intensity and frequency with which mental health challenges are surfacing. The pressures of modern life—academic expectations, social media, the fear of missing out (FOMO), and economic instability—are taking a toll on young minds. For many teens, their world has become increasingly difficult to navigate. They are facing unprecedented pressures and stresses that previous generations never had to contend with.


Social Media: One of the most significant contributors to this crisis is the rise of social media. While it can offer connection and a sense of belonging, it has also created an environment where teens feel constant pressure to compare themselves to others. The curated, filtered nature of social media presents unrealistic standards of beauty, success, and happiness, leading to feelings of inadequacy and isolation. Research has shown that increased screen time is directly correlated with higher rates of depression and anxiety among teens.



Academic Pressure: The pressure to excel academically is another major stressor. In an increasingly competitive world, students are pushed to perform at higher levels than ever before. Many teens feel overwhelmed by the constant pressure to maintain high grades, get into prestigious colleges, and secure their futures at a young age. This pressure, combined with the fear of failure, can lead to anxiety, burnout, and depression.



The Pandemic Effect: The COVID-19 pandemic further exacerbated the mental health crisis. Forced isolation, the closure of schools, and the disruption of routines took a massive toll on teen well-being. For many, the social isolation during the pandemic led to feelings of loneliness, depression, and anxiety. Though restrictions have eased, the long-term effects are still being felt, with many teens struggling to return to normalcy.


Recognizing the Signs


Understanding the signs of mental health struggles in teens is essential for parents, teachers, and caregivers. Unlike younger children, teens are often better at hiding their emotions, and their struggles can manifest in subtle ways. Changes in behavior, mood swings, withdrawal from social activities, and academic decline are some of the common signs that a teen might be struggling.


However, mental health issues in teens can sometimes go unnoticed, especially when they are masked by the pressures of daily life. A teen might seem irritable or withdrawn, but this can be dismissed as a "phase" or typical adolescent behavior. It is important for adults to stay vigilant, ask open-ended questions, and encourage teens to talk about their feelings.


The Path Forward: What Can We Do?


The mental health crisis facing teens cannot be solved with a one-size-fits-all solution. However, there are several steps that can help address this issue and support teens in managing their mental health:


  1. Normalize Mental Health Conversations: One of the first steps in breaking the stigma surrounding mental health is to normalize the conversation. Encourage open discussions about mental health at home and in schools. When teens feel safe talking about their struggles, they are more likely to seek help when needed.


  2. Limit Social Media Exposure: While it’s impossible to avoid social media entirely, setting boundaries around screen time and encouraging breaks from social media can help mitigate its negative impact on mental health. Teens should be encouraged to engage in real-life connections and activities that promote well-being, such as sports, art, or outdoor activities.


  3. Encourage Healthy Coping Mechanisms: Teaching teens how to manage stress and cope with difficult emotions in healthy ways is critical. Mindfulness, deep breathing exercises, journaling, and physical activities like yoga or walking can be beneficial tools for managing stress.


  4. Promote Academic Balance: The pressure to succeed academically is immense, but it’s important to remind teens that their worth isn’t defined by their grades or their academic achievements. Encouraging a balanced approach to learning, with a focus on well-being over perfection, can help reduce anxiety and pressure.


  5. Provide Access to Mental Health Resources: It’s vital that teens have access to mental health services and resources. Therapy, counseling, and peer support groups can provide teens with the tools they need to cope with stress, depression, and anxiety. Schools, communities, and parents should work together to ensure that teens have access to these services.


  6. Foster Strong Support Systems: Strong, supportive relationships are key to a teen’s mental health. Encourage positive friendships, and foster an environment of trust and openness within the family. When teens feel supported, they are more likely to reach out for help when they need it.


Conclusion: A Call to Action


The mental health crisis among teens is a challenge we cannot ignore. It requires a collective effort from families, schools, communities, and society as a whole to address the root causes and provide the necessary support. By fostering open conversations, setting healthy boundaries, and providing accessible resources, we can empower teens to navigate their emotional struggles and build the mental resilience they need to thrive.


Eye-Opening Question:


What can we, as a society, do to create an environment where teens feel safe and supported in managing their mental health, and how can we break the stigma surrounding mental health struggles to ensure that help is always within reach?


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