The Armor We Outgrow: Learning to Let Vulnerability In

Learning to let vulnerability in isn’t about being weak—it’s about being brave enough to show up as your full self, even when it feels uncomfortable. The path to deeper connection begins with learning to let vulnerability in, gently replacing old armor with authentic presence.

From a young age, many of us learn that vulnerability equals weakness. We’re taught to “be strong,” “hold it together,” and “never let them see you cry.” Whether through subtle cultural messages or direct experiences of being shamed or ignored when we opened up, we internalize the belief that showing our pain makes us less worthy, less capable, and less safe.

So we adapt. We toughen up. We smile through sadness. We perfect the art of small talk to avoid the heaviness of real talk. And we wonder why we feel so disconnected, even in rooms full of people.

But what if vulnerability isn’t weakness? What if it’s actually the bravest thing we can offer?

What Vulnerability Really Looks Like

Vulnerability isn’t just crying in front of someone or confessing deep secrets. It can look like asking for help, admitting “I don’t know,” or telling someone “That hurt me.” It’s choosing to speak even when your voice shakes, to stay in the moment even when everything inside you wants to run.

It’s also boundaries, honesty, and showing up authentically—even if that means risking rejection or judgment. Vulnerability is raw and courageous. It invites others to meet us in our truth. Without it, relationships become performance pieces, not real partnerships.

Click to Learn About The Power of Vulnerability: Unlocking Trust in Yourself and Others

Why We Struggle With It

Many of us have very good reasons for struggling with vulnerability. Maybe we were punished or mocked for being emotional. Maybe we were raised in environments where survival depended on hiding pain. Or maybe we’ve been hurt when we dared to open up—and decided never again.

Click to Learn About How Childhood Trauma Shapes Your Adult Relationships

These defense mechanisms helped us cope, but over time, they can become armor that limits our growth. We start avoiding the very things that could lead to healing: hard conversations, emotional expression, intimacy.

The fear of being “too much” or “not enough” keeps us silent. But silence doesn’t protect—it isolates.

Practicing Vulnerability in Small, Brave Ways

You don’t have to rip off the armor all at once. Start gently. Vulnerability is a muscle—it strengthens with use. Here are a few ways to practice it:

• Name your emotions aloud. Even something as simple as “I’m feeling overwhelmed right now” invites connection.

  
  

• Start with safe people. Choose those who’ve earned your trust. Share something small and see how they respond.

  
  

• Ask for what you need. Instead of waiting to be noticed, try saying, “I could really use a hug right now” or “Can we talk? I’m having a hard day.”

  
  

• Let go of perfection. Show up messy. It’s okay if you don’t have the perfect words—honesty matters more than polish.

  
  

• Use journaling as a warm-up. Write what you’re feeling before you try to speak it out loud. This helps clarify what’s going on inside.

  
  

Vulnerability Is a Two-Way Street

Being vulnerable invites others to do the same. When we lead with honesty, we create safer spaces for real connection. That doesn’t mean every person will meet you where you are—but the right ones will. And that’s how true relationships are built.

You may be surprised by the way people soften when they see the real you. Because underneath all our masks, we’re all just trying to be seen, loved, and understood.

Final Thought

Vulnerability won’t always feel safe—but neither does loneliness, disconnection, or the exhaustion of always pretending you’re okay. When we choose vulnerability, we choose growth, authenticity, and deeper bonds.

So ask yourself: What might open up in your life if you stopped hiding how you really feel?

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• How to Help Someone Who's Struggling: Supporting a Friend Through Depression and Overwhelm

• Survivor's Guilt: Navigating the Emotional Storm After Loss

Embracing Suffering and Growth: The Role of Existential Therapy in Mental Health

Existential therapy is a unique approach to psychotherapy that focuses on exploring the fundamental aspects of human existence, such as freedom, death, isolation, and meaning. Rooted in existential philosophy, this therapeutic model encourages individuals to confront the realities of life rather than avoid them, fostering personal growth and a deeper understanding of oneself.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, the current most popular form of therapy, seeks to identify and challenge harmful thinking patterns. Taking a different approach to the difficulties in an individual's life, existential thinking promotes a change in mindset to one that sees suffering as a unique opportunity for growth rather than an obstacle to be avoided. By facing suffering, individuals can develop resilience, gain insight into their values, and ultimately shape a life that aligns with their deeper sense of purpose.

The Search for Meaning and Its Relevance

A core aspect of existential therapy is the search for meaning. Nearly three in five young adults (58%) have reported experiencing a lack of meaning or purpose in their lives over the past month. Additionally, half of young adults stated that uncertainty about their future negatively impacted their mental health.

As individuals transition from childhood to adulthood, the pressures of life and the pursuit of success often leave them questioning: What is this all for? Existential therapy attempts to help the individual answer this question by encouraging self-reflection. Oftentimes, the answer to this question remains in the unconscious, but can be uncovered with help.

Click to Explore More About the Depths of Existence: A Fun Dive into Existential Therapy

Viktor Frankl and the Birth of Logotherapy

Viktor Frankl, an Austrian psychiatrist, psychotherapist, and Holocaust survivor, developed a unique branch of existential therapy known as logotherapy during his time in multiple concentration camps. Frankl emphasized that meaning is not something to be passively discovered but actively created. He suggests that individuals can find purpose by embracing their unique experiences and choosing how they respond to life's challenges.

He details a story of counseling two suicidal fellow prisoners, each mentioning that they can no longer go on. Frankl recognized that one man had a child on the outside, and another was writing a series of books he had not yet finished, and it could only be completed by him. This story draws attention to the importance of a unique individual's responsibilities that ultimately lay the groundwork for finding meaning in the darkness.

In my work supporting individuals in crisis, helping reveal those unique qualities can provide the strength to get through difficult times. There was a time I was speaking with someone who was experiencing suicidal thoughts. They shared that life felt so hard, they didn’t see a reason to keep going. Hearing this reminded me that everyone—no matter how lost they feel—has something meaningful that can give them a reason to hold on.

We explored this together, and they opened up about their love for poetry. They even shared some of their work with me, and I could see how much it meant to them. Poetry became a window into their sense of worth and creativity—something uniquely theirs. In that moment, they began to reconnect with their value, and it reminded me that everyone carries a spark of worth, even if it gets dimmed by pain.

Finding Meaning in Life Through Existential Therapy

If an individual is attempting to find meaning in their own life, existential therapy encourages them to engage in self-reflection and take ownership of their choices. Rather than feeling trapped by circumstances, they are empowered to recognize their personal freedom and control over responses.

This process often involves identifying what truly matters to them, whether it be relationships, creative pursuits, personal growth, or contributing to something greater than themselves. When attempting to recognize what matters to them, the big picture can often cloud that thinking. What matters varies from individual to individual and can be the smallest thing; one is encouraged to think of anything that might bring the feeling of happiness and growth.

I was talking to an older gentleman about the anxiety and depression he was experiencing around aging and feeling disconnected from the world around him. As we talked, we focused on the small things in life that still brought him joy. He shared that he enjoyed journaling before bed, especially writing about old memories and reflecting on his day.

Together, we came up with the idea to expand his journaling to include the beauty he currently sees in life—whether it’s a moment in nature or time spent with family. This gave him something new to look forward to each day and helped him embrace a more hopeful perspective on aging. This experience emphasizes how even the smallest things in our lives can have a profound impact.

Click to Learn More About How Existential Therapy Can Help You Navigate Life's Toughest Times

Practical Strategies for Finding Meaning

The journey of self-reflection may feel overwhelming at first, but it often begins with simple acts of self-care or moments of kindness. From there, it can grow into something much more meaningful—helping us reconnect with ourselves, our purpose, and the world around us.

Here are strategies that can help in this process:

• Engage in Self-Reflection: Take time to identify your core values, passions, and what truly brings you fulfillment.

  
  

• Embrace Responsibility: Recognize that you have the power to shape your own life and take ownership of your choices.

  
  

• Build Strong Relationships: Connection with others can provide a sense of belonging and purpose.

  
  

• Pursue Personal Growth: Engaging in creative projects, education, or new experiences can help cultivate a deeper sense of meaning.

  
  

• Help Others: Contributing to the well-being of others through acts of kindness or service can provide a strong sense of fulfillment.

  
  

Conclusion: Empowerment Through Existential Therapy

Existential therapy provides a framework for individuals to navigate life with resilience and purpose. By confronting existential concerns and actively seeking meaning, people can cultivate a deeper sense of fulfillment and psychological well-being.

In a world where many struggle with questions of identity and purpose, existential therapy offers a guiding light toward self-discovery and personal empowerment.

Reference:

Making Caring Common. (2023). On edge: Understanding and preventing young adults’ mental health challenges. https://mcc.gse.harvard.edu/reports/on-edge

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Chris Spadaccino

Crisis Counselor | Guest Writer of Moody Melon Magazine

I’m a junior at Texas State University majoring in Psychology. I’m passionate about supporting others on their mental health journeys and deeply believe that no matter where someone starts, with belief and effort, they can grow into something greater than they ever imagined.

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• Ditch FOMO and Embrace JOMO: A Mental Health Perspective on Finding Peace and Connection

• How Borderline Personality Disorder and Stress Intertwine – And What You Can Do About It

Ditch FOMO and Embrace JOMO: A Mental Health Perspective on Finding Peace and Connection

In our go-go lifestyle, always-on world we’ve created, we’re constantly juggling the demands of a “real” job that pays the bills, squeezing in time for passion projects or side hustles, making it to that 5 AM Pilates class, showing up for weekend brunch with the girls, keeping up with nail and hair appointments, and, of course, fitting in those obligatory family visits, birthday dinners, bachelorette trips, and whatever else pops up on our never-ending social calendars. And let’s be real, if it didn’t make it to socials, did it even happen?

Somehow, we’ve equated a “full” life with a packed schedule, but the reality is, that version of “full” isn’t necessarily what truly fulfills us. So much of what we strive for, how we spend our time, what we chase, what we think we “should be” doing, is influenced by social media, our mentors, our peers, our parents, and the fickle definition of whatever is currently trending. Rarely do we pause to ask ourselves: What actually makes me feel full?

We stretch ourselves so thin in the pursuit of this curated version of “living” that we leave nothing for just us. A quiet night on the couch with ice cream doesn’t seem as exciting to post, but getting dressed up for a dinner party full of strangers? Now that’s something worth sharing—never mind if it completely drains your battery. Because what if you don’t go and later see your friends' stories filled with big smiles and selfies you weren’t a part of? What if you miss out on some juicy tea that was spilled in your absence? And worst of all—what if you weren’t even invited?

And that’s when you’re hit by FOMO!

What is FOMO and When Does it Come Up?

FOMO—aka “the fear of missing out”, has become a cultural phenomenon over the last decade. It’s that nagging feeling of being left out, the anxiety of missing an epic moment, and, at its core, the deeper fear of being forgotten, unwanted, or unneeded. But more than anything, it’s the fear of not being important. Of our social currency slowly losing value.

So much of how we move through life is dictated by this fear, pushing us to say yes to plans we have zero interest in, even when it comes at the expense of our minds, bodies, and souls. We overextend, overcommit, and overstimulate ourselves, not because we want to, but because the other feels even worse.

Click to Learn About Self-Care Strategies for When You’re the One Caring for a Loved One

Why is FOMO bad?

The Cleveland Clinic published an article diving into the psychological effects of FOMO, linking it directly to heightened anxiety and depression. And it makes sense. Depression often shows up as a constant cycle of comparison, chipping away at self-worth, damaging self-esteem, and negative self-talk. Anxiety, on the other hand manifests as headaches, muscle tension, and that all-too-familiar tightness in the chest. Because let’s be real, the pressure to keep up? It’s exhausting in every possible way.

When we’re constantly chasing external validation, social approval and the need to “fit in”, we place an unbearable strain on us mentally, pushing ourselves to burnout. The toll isn’t just emotional; it’s also very much physical. Running on survival mode for too long can lead to rising cortisol levels, hair fall and breakouts just to name a few. We often forget how closely the mind and body are connected. What happens within us eventually reflects outwardly.

How to battle FOMO? – By Embracing JOMO

We may never fully free ourselves from FOMO. But we can train ourselves to recognize how it triggers us. Anytime we tie our sense of worth to something external, we’re setting ourselves up for failure, maybe not immediately, but eventually. You might think you’ve cracked the code by saying yes to everything, making yourself available everywhere, and keeping up with every social commitment. But to be honest, that pace? It’s an uphill battle that only gets steeper.

So how do we counteract this? We embrace JOMO—the joy of missing out. With this mindset, we put our own needs first. We ask ourselves: What do I actually want in this moment? Do I really want to go to that birthday dinner and be social after a nine-hour work shift? Do I really want to spend money I don’t have on that bachelorette trip? And honestly… so what if I skip brunch? Maybe I just want to sleep in, put a face mask on, and clean my house in peace.

At its core, JOMO is about choosing your joy over external pressure. It’s about leaning into what feels right for you in the moment, and saying NO! unapologetically. Some fun and practical ways to embrace JOMO include:

• Explore activities you've always wanted to try but never had the time for due to a packed schedule.

• Enjoy a relaxing night in with candles, journaling, or reading a good book.

• Start your day with a calming meditation before heading to work.

• Treat yourself to a solo date by cooking a nice meal, enjoying wine, and embracing the

• moment.

The possibilities for enjoying your own company are endless.

Click to Learn More About Self-Care for One: Thriving Alone with Chronic Illness

Conclusion

The more “me-time” you spend, the more self-compassion you cultivate, until your sense of validation naturally begins to come from within. In a world full of noise, tuning into your own voice can work wonders in preserving your mental well-being in the long run. And if you ever find yourself in that inner tug-of-war, just remember, Instagram stories always make it look way more fun than it actually was anyway.

So tell us—how might your energy shift if you took a step back and embraced the joy of missing out?

Reference:

Cleveland Clinic. (2023, August). FOMO is real: How the fear of missing out affects your health. Cleveland Clinic. https://health.clevelandclinic.org/understanding-fomo

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Niki Kay

Host of the Mindset Mentress Podcast | Guest Writer of Moody Melon Magazine

I'm a writer, podcast host, and entrepreneur focused on self-discovery and transformation. Through my podcast, Mindset Mentress, I share insights on authenticity and growth. Currently pursuing a journalism certification at NYU to enhance my storytelling and impact.

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