- Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
- 5 days ago
Living authentically means aligning your actions with your core values—even when it’s uncomfortable or inconvenient. True strength lies in living authentically without using it as an excuse to ignore empathy, growth, or accountability.
“I’m just being honest.”
“I’m not rude, I’m real.”
“I have to put myself first. That’s self-love.”
We hear these statements often—in therapy sessions, social media rants, and everyday conversations. The modern era has given us permission to be “authentic,” and that’s a beautiful, liberating thing. But somewhere along the line, authenticity became confused with entitlement.
Being authentic has been marketed as the ultimate act of freedom: speaking your truth, setting your boundaries, doing what feels right for you. But when taken out of context—or weaponized—it can become a shield for avoidance, irresponsibility, and harm.
So, let’s get real about what it means to be “real.”
The Rise of Performative Authenticity
In the age of social media and self-branding, the concept of authenticity has morphed into something oddly performative. Ironically, many people are curating their authenticity—turning it into content, a look, or a brand personality.
The result? A culture where authenticity is less about internal alignment and more about external validation.
We applaud people for being “raw” and “unfiltered,” but often what’s celebrated is not true vulnerability—it’s unprocessed emotion broadcast without accountability. And there’s a big difference between the two.
Authenticity Requires Self-Awareness, Not Just Self-Expression
Let’s get something straight: Authenticity is not about saying whatever you want or doing whatever feels good in the moment. That’s impulse. That’s ego. That’s avoidance.
Authenticity requires us to do the inner work.
It means:
Knowing the difference between a value and a defense mechanism.
Asking yourself, Is this truly me, or is this a trauma response?
Recognizing that “speaking your truth” doesn’t invalidate someone else’s.
Understanding how your behavior impacts others—and being willing to adjust, not just justify.
In other words, being authentic doesn’t mean being unfiltered. It means being honest and intentional.
The Psychology Behind True Authenticity
Psychologically, authenticity is linked to higher well-being, better relationships, and more resilient mental health. But not when it’s used to excuse recklessness or emotional immaturity.
Authenticity is a daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we really are. That “daily practice” includes self-reflection, courage, and emotional regulation—not just bold declarations of our feelings.
Here’s the kicker: authenticity is relational. It happens in the context of other people, which means it must include empathy, respect, and boundaries—not just for ourselves, but for others too.
When Authenticity Becomes Avoidance
Sometimes, we say we’re being authentic when we’re actually:
Avoiding vulnerability (“This is just how I am.”)
Deflecting feedback (“If you don’t like it, that’s your problem.”)
Justifying harm (“I was just being honest.”)
Real authenticity is humble. It’s the willingness to own your shadow, not just your sparkle. It’s acknowledging that being “true to yourself” doesn’t give you a free pass to be cruel, dismissive, or irresponsible.
So What Does It Look Like to Live Authentically?
You listen to yourself—but also to others.
You express your truth—but not as a weapon.
You stand firm in your values—but remain open to growth.
You set boundaries—but don’t use them to shut people out or shut emotions down.
You own your voice—but take responsibility for your tone.
Authenticity isn’t a finished product. It’s a dynamic, living process that requires ongoing attention to both who we are and who we are becoming.
The Challenge of the Real
Living authentically doesn’t mean we stop caring what others think—it means we stop living only for what others think. It means we recognize that our impact matters just as much as our intention.
It means we let go of performative perfection and lean into meaningful imperfection.
It means we tell the truth—but also make room for the truth of others.
Final Reflection:
Are you truly being authentic—or are you just defending the parts of yourself you’re not ready to examine?
