Rebuilt by Kindness: Finding Hope in the Most Unexpected Places

At just sixteen years old, I needed help. I don’t remember much about the preceding days. It crept up on me. I was a frog in boiling water, unaware of the decline in my mental health. When I was finally forced to pay attention, I had hope that my parents could help me. Maybe they did try at first to no avail, but I was sent away. I was too caught up in my own drowning, that I didn’t look to see what they were doing. It still feels like they gave up on me too quickly.

The Breaking Point: When the World Feels Too Heavy

I found myself in a strange place, surrounded by other young adults like me. There were art supplies, puzzles, and games. But we were all treated like inmates.

I tried to heal there. I kept my head down, put in the effort, but nobody acknowledged it. I was never sent home. Was I seen as being manipulative? Only saying what the professionals wanted to hear? Days turned into months, and eventually all I could do was sit on my bed and cry. I was alone and powerless. I had no legal say in the matter, the matter that centered around me. My parents had given up and abandoned me. They would not take me home. I was stuck.

The People You Least Expect

First, it was just me. But then there was a nice girl or two whom I could talk to. It was not a cure, but it did make the situation feel slightly less intimidating. There were some staff members who were extra kind. They would tell me what was happening behind closed doors. It gave me a slight twinge of hope that things could be okay.

Finally, finally, after seven months, I was free. It has been seven years since then, and I continue to find new people who fix something they did not break. In the beginning, there were classmates who were surprisingly understanding. New friends in my later teen years who never judged. Old friends who have seen every side of me and never abandoned me. People come and go. A lot of the people who helped put me back together, even if they had no idea they were doing it, are no longer active in my life. But I never forgot who they once were to me.

Click to Learn About The Power of Vulnerability: Unlocking Trust in Yourself and Others

I currently have a nice group of friends, whom I grew close to during my senior year of college. Some of them know more details than others, but they are all part of my support system, all the same. Some people are good to talk to, and some people are good to escape from the world for a little while with. People build each other up in many different ways.

Trust Reimagined: Learning to Believe Again

I realized that I can be open and honest with certain people. While I still avoid telling my parents anything, I currently have a nice handful of people I know I can trust. It was not easy to get here. In the past seven years, several people have left my life of their own volition. Several people have still broken me. Learning to trust anyone in life is a trial-and-error sport. I have learned that the best approach is to go slowly. Find people you enjoy spending time with. Try to open up a crack of something personal. If the action is reciprocated, then it might be safe to dive deeper. The ironic part for me, was that the deeper I dove in, the less I felt like I was drowning.

I could breathe.

I have people I can go to on a regular basis with any sort of problem, and I know they will be there to help. The scariest part is over. The trust is there. It started small, but I worked hard at growing it.

Moments That Mattered: Tiny Acts, Big Healing

The small act of staying judgment-free talks millions. There have been times when I would need a friend to help get me through a situation. Sometimes I would not want to talk about it, and letting it rest really helped me process. Other times, I would engage in deep conversation with those who are a little closer to me. There have been times I had a conversation with a close friend, and there have been times when I’ll just watch a movie with someone and bury the hard times in a big bowl of ice cream. Sometimes it’s simply the presence of someone you love and care about that’s enough for you. They never judge. They never pry. They are there for you when you need them, ready with a hug and an ear.

What I Would Tell Someone Who Is Losing Faith

I know what it’s like. I lived through it myself. Your anger and your pain are justified. When the world seems too dark, remember that I am living proof that it does get better. There are people who are here for you. You may not know them yet, and they may not be who you expect. It does get better. I know you’re tired of hearing that. But you do not need to go through this alone. Keep fighting, and you will find the people who will help build you back up. You might be surprised how many good people there still are in the world. You might surprise yourself with how strong and brave you can be. The bravest thing you can do right now is continue forward. I believe in you. Please believe in yourself.

Click to Learn About How to Help Someone Who's Struggling: Supporting a Friend Through Depression and Overwhelm

Still Healing, Still Human

I continue on my journey after seven years, and for all the years that lie ahead. It was not a one-and-done situation. Some of my relationships and trust have been permanently damaged. I go forth with an understanding that it is inevitable I will be hurt again. That being said, I also know that there will be new people and new relationships to nurture. All I can do is hope that I can work hard enough to make the best ones last.

Since getting through the darkest of times at sixteen, I have graduated from both high school and college. I work hard at earning things I want. I share my stories. I made some excellent friends. I have also lost friends, been heartbroken, been devastated, and had to make really tough decisions. But I learned that life has its ups and downs. Making a really hard choice can ultimately be better for your mental health. I speak with a therapist twice a month to stay as on track as possible. I picked up a plethora of coping skills throughout the years, and I continue to use the ones that work. I need to work through my trauma responses and the lasting effects.

Scars can heal. The ones that didn’t got covered up by a beautiful tattoo that I am proud to show off. The best thing we can do is continue to learn, to grow, to speak, and to help.

💬 Ready to start your own healing journey?

Book a session with one of our compassionate therapists at Moody Melon Counseling. We’re here when you’re ready. 🍉

 [Schedule Now]

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Rowena Poole

Mental Health Advocate | Guest Writer of Moody Melon Magazine

I am a multimedia storyteller with a passion for supporting mental well-being. With a background in animation and creative writing, I use my skills to share meaningful messages that promote understanding and positive change.

linkedin | instagram

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• Healing Through Motherhood: Jennifer’s Journey to Overcoming Childhood Trauma

• Overcoming Mental Health Struggles Through Running: Embracing the Journey of Patience and Persistence

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When the Cuts Run Deeper: How to Stop Your Teen from Self-Harming Through Connection

If you notice signs of self-harm in your teen, it's crucial to approach the situation with empathy and understanding, rather than judgment. Building open communication, offering support, and encouraging professional help can be key steps in helping stop your teen from self-harming and guiding them toward healthier coping mechanisms.

Self-harm is an often misunderstood and deeply troubling behavior, especially for parents who find themselves suddenly facing this heartbreaking reality. The sight of scars on a child’s body can trigger a mix of emotions, from shock to confusion, fear, and helplessness. But here's the truth: it's not too late to say the right words, and it’s never too late to help your teen heal. The key to supporting them is to choose connection over confrontation, understanding over lecturing, and trust over time.

Understanding Self-Harm: It’s Not Just About Pain

Self-harm, or non-suicidal self-injury (NSSI), is the intentional act of hurting oneself to cope with emotional pain, stress, or overwhelming feelings. Contrary to popular belief, it's not an attempt to die, but rather a misguided attempt to feel something—anything—in an emotional landscape that feels numb, chaotic, or unbearable. Teenagers, especially, are navigating a turbulent time of emotional, physical, and psychological development, making them vulnerable to using self-harm as a way to regain control or temporarily relieve distress.

It’s crucial to understand that self-harm is not about attention-seeking or rebellion. It’s a desperate attempt to manage feelings that seem too big or too complex to handle. This is why the first step in helping is to acknowledge the underlying emotional struggles your teen is facing, without judgment.

Click to Learn More About Self-Harm and Healthier Ways to Cope with Stress and Trauma

The Importance of Connection: Why Your Relationship Matters

As a parent, your instinct might be to jump into problem-solving mode. It’s natural to want to fix things immediately. But more than anything, your teen needs you to be present, to listen without rushing to solutions, and to connect with them on a deeper level. This connection is what builds trust, and trust is the foundation of healing.

When teens engage in self-harm, they often feel isolated, misunderstood, or disconnected from others. Instead of scolding or lecturing, focus on nurturing your relationship with them. Ask questions—not as a way to pry, but to understand. Offer them the space to talk, and reassure them that their feelings are valid, even if you don’t fully understand them. Avoid reacting with anger or fear; instead, approach the situation with compassion.

How to Help: It’s Never Too Late to Start

Many parents feel paralyzed by guilt, wondering if they missed the signs or if they should have done something sooner. The good news is that it’s never too late to start building a supportive environment. Here are a few ways you can begin:

1. Open the Lines of Communication: Let your teen know that you are there to listen whenever they are ready to talk. Don’t force the conversation, but make sure they know they are never alone. Simple statements like, "Can we try again? I’m here for you,” and "You can talk to me anytime, no judgment,” can go a long way.

   
   

2. Express Your Love and Care: Teens who self-harm may not always feel worthy of love or support. It’s crucial to affirm your unconditional love and acceptance. Sometimes, just reminding them that you care can make a significant difference.

   
   

3. Encourage Professional Help: While your connection is vital, professional help is equally important. Encourage therapy or counseling to provide your teen with the tools they need to manage their emotions in healthier ways. Be supportive of their therapy journey, and remind them that seeking help is a strength, not a weakness.

   
   

4. Be Patient and Non-Judgmental: Healing takes time. There will be ups and downs along the way, and there may be setbacks. The important thing is to be patient and not give up on your teen. Even if they don’t open up immediately, showing consistent support will eventually build the trust needed for them to share their struggles.

   
   

5. Teach Coping Strategies: Instead of scolding, teach your teen healthier ways to manage stress and emotional pain. This could include mindfulness techniques, journaling, physical exercise, or creative activities like painting or playing music. Encourage your teen to explore these alternatives without forcing them.

   
   

The Power of Trust: Building a Lifelong Connection

Trust is not something that happens overnight. It takes time to rebuild, especially if your teen has struggled with self-harm in silence. But every step you take toward understanding, loving, and supporting them creates an opportunity for growth and healing. Remember, it’s about building a connection that will last a lifetime—one that shows your teen they are valued and that their struggles do not define them.

A Simple Truth: You Can Make a Difference

As a parent, the emotional weight of knowing your child is struggling with self-harm can feel unbearable. But don’t lose hope. You are not alone in this journey, and it’s never too late to make a positive impact. Your relationship with your teen, built on trust, connection, and love, is one of the most powerful tools you have in helping them heal.

So, the question is—are you ready to choose connection over correction, understanding over judgment, and love over everything else? Your teen’s journey may be long, but it can be a journey you walk together.

💬 Ready to start your own healing journey?

Book a session with one of our compassionate therapists at Moody Melon Counseling. We’re here when you’re ready. 🍉

 [Schedule Now]

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• Are We Unknowingly Making Our Kids Emotional Burden-Bearers? The Hidden Cost of Role Reversal

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• How Parents Can Support Foster Children Struggling with Binge Eating and Overeating

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The Hidden Pain of Abandonment: Why Lack of Support Feels Like Betrayal to Those with BPD

Lack of support feels like betrayal to those with Borderline Personality Disorder, as the absence of reassurance can trigger deep feelings of abandonment and emotional chaos. For individuals with BPD, the withdrawal of support often feels not just like neglect, but a personal rejection that cuts to the core of their self-worth.

In the world of mental health, few experiences are as profoundly painful as the feeling of abandonment. For those living with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), this pain can be all-consuming. It’s often mistaken for something trivial or overstated, but to those who experience it, abandonment feels like a wound that never heals—sharp, persistent, and terrifying. But what if the real issue isn't that others are leaving, but that those with BPD often feel abandoned, even when no one has gone anywhere?

The Nature of Fear in BPD

At its core, Borderline Personality Disorder is a condition marked by extreme emotional instability and a deep-seated fear of abandonment. This fear often leads to intense relationships, where the individual is constantly testing the boundaries of their connections. The slightest indication of emotional withdrawal from a loved one—whether real or perceived—can trigger a sense of overwhelming rejection.

For those with BPD, this fear of abandonment is often heightened by a strong reliance on external validation and support. This need for reassurance from others can feel like a lifeline. When that support is withdrawn, it can feel like the ground beneath them is crumbling, leading to emotional breakdowns, impulsive behavior, or even suicidal thoughts.

However, here's the catch: It’s not always necessary for their support to remain constant for them to heal or grow.

A Paradox: The Role of Self-Sufficiency in Healing

While it's true that those with BPD often rely heavily on others for validation and emotional support, there’s a paradox here: The most transformative form of healing often comes from within. Through therapies like Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), individuals with BPD can learn how to rely on themselves, not others, for emotional regulation and coping strategies. They begin to understand that while external support can be helpful, it is not the only key to their survival and growth.

DBT teaches skills for managing distress, improving emotional regulation, and creating healthier relationships. Over time, these skills can help reduce the overwhelming fear of abandonment, as individuals learn that they can weather emotional storms without relying on others for constant reassurance. In essence, while support is always helpful, it’s not the ultimate lifeline. The real power to heal and thrive lies within the individual.

Reclaiming Agency

One of the most liberating lessons for someone with BPD is recognizing that they are not helpless in their recovery. Though the fear of abandonment may never fully go away, they can learn to manage it with resilience. In fact, the true journey toward healing begins when they stop seeing themselves as “broken” or “needy,” and start viewing themselves as active participants in their own recovery.

It's easy to forget that you are not powerless. In fact, you are the one who has the power to regulate your emotions and responses, even when external support seems distant or unavailable. As DBT emphasizes, you are your best savior. Over time, through consistent practice, the reliance on others diminishes, and the ability to self-soothe and self-validate increases.

The Reality of Abandonment

While feeling abandoned can be emotionally intense for anyone, for someone with BPD, this feeling can seem unbearable. But it’s important to remember: feeling abandoned is not the same as being abandoned. Support may fluctuate, and people may come and go, but at the end of the day, the most significant and lasting source of support will always come from within. By building self-resilience and DBT skills, individuals can learn to thrive, even in the absence of external support.

Eye-Opening Question: If you had the tools to self-regulate, to find peace within yourself, could you imagine a life where external support becomes a bonus, rather than a necessity?

💬 Ready to start your own healing journey?

Book a session with one of our compassionate therapists at Moody Melon Counseling. We’re here when you’re ready. 🍉

[Schedule Now]

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• When Childhood Trauma Takes Over: Are You Fighting Your Partner or Your Past?

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