Overcoming Neglect | Moody Melon Magazine

Trust Without the Trauma: How to Heal, Be Enough, and Recognize the Quiet Love Around You

Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
Jun 18

Trust without the trauma is about learning to open your heart again—not because the past didn’t hurt, but because you finally know your worth. In choosing Trust Without the Trauma, we give ourselves permission to heal, grow, and receive love without needing to fight for it.

Trust Without the Trauma: How to Heal, Be Enough, and Recognize the Quiet Love Around You

We’ve all been there—disappointed by someone we trusted, wounded by rejection, let down when we needed support the most. Whether it's a betrayal, abandonment, or the slow drip of neglect, these experiences teach us one thing very quickly: protect yourself. And while that instinct is valid, helpful even, it often overstays its welcome.

What if the walls we’ve built to stay safe are the very ones keeping us from healing?

The Aftermath of Disappointment

After trauma or repeated emotional setbacks, trust becomes not just difficult, but exhausting. We overanalyze every text, question every motive, and brace for the next letdown before joy even gets a chance to land. We learn to expect absence. To wait for silence. To believe that being fully ourselves might be too much—or worse, not enough.

But here’s the truth that trauma doesn’t want us to remember:Your best, real, growing self is enough. You don’t need to shape-shift to be worthy of love. You don’t need to audition for respect.

Click to Learn About The Power of Vulnerability: Unlocking Trust in Yourself and Others

Let Go of What Doesn’t See You

One of the hardest lessons in mental health and healing is this: some people simply won't show up for us—no matter how kind, generous, or loving we are. And it’s not our job to shrink ourselves trying to change that.

The way someone treats you isn’t always a mirror of your value—it’s often a reflection of where they are, what they fear, or what they simply can’t give.

Instead of trying to win over those who disregard your worth, shift your focus inward and upward. Tend to yourself. Find joy in your own company. And recognize the beautiful souls who do show up.

Click to Learn About the Netflix series Baby Reindeer: A Darkly Hilarious Look at Trauma, Power, and Redemption

Notice the Quiet Kindness

Love doesn't always arrive with fireworks and grand gestures. Sometimes it's subtle:

A friend checking in when you go quiet
A co-worker who remembers how you take your coffee
A stranger holding the door just a little longer

Love is often gentle and unspoken. And when we’re constantly chasing big, dramatic displays of care, we risk missing the quiet ways it’s already around us.

Learning to Trust Again (Softly)

Rebuilding trust isn’t about becoming blind or naive. It’s about learning to recognize when safety is present and real. It’s about choosing to see goodness where it exists, without letting the shadows of past pain block the light.

Start small:

Trust yourself to set a boundary—and honor it
Trust a moment of kindness—without assuming it’s fake
Trust that being vulnerable doesn’t make you weak—it makes you real

And remember: you don’t need to beg for love. You only need to be open to seeing it, in whatever form it arrives.

Final Reflection:

What if love has been around you this whole time—just quiet, patient, and waiting for you to finally believe you deserve it?

💬 Ready to start your own healing journey?

Book a session with one of our compassionate therapists at Moody Melon Counseling. We’re here when you’re ready. 🍉

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When Love Feels Foreign: Healing from Childhood Trauma and Learning to Feel Loved Again

Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
Dec 12, 2024

Learning to feel loved again is a journey that begins with understanding your past and embracing the possibility of healing. With patience and self-compassion, you can rediscover the warmth of connection and learn to accept love, no matter the scars you've carried.

When Love Feels Foreign: Healing from Childhood Trauma and Learning to Feel Loved Again

For many of us, love is a feeling that comes naturally—a warm embrace from a parent, words of affirmation from a friend, or the simple joy of human connection. But for some, love isn’t instinctive. It’s learned, often after years of emotional numbness or neglect. Growing up in an environment where love was absent or conditional can leave emotional scars that make it difficult to feel loved—even when affection is given.

Imagine this: You’re given a hug. The arms around you are warm, the body pressing close feels comforting. But you feel nothing. No warmth. No connection. No sense of security. Just emptiness. For someone who’s experienced neglect or emotional abandonment as a child, a hug may feel like nothing more than a physical gesture. The love that’s supposed to come with it is absent.

This disconnection doesn’t make you broken; it simply means that the brain and heart have learned to block out love as a defense mechanism—a coping strategy for trauma. But that doesn’t mean healing isn’t possible. You don’t have to live your whole life feeling unworthy or incapable of receiving love. Here’s why and how you can begin to feel loved again, even after the wounds of childhood neglect.

When Love Doesn’t Feel Real: The Roots of Emotional Numbness

For those who grew up without love, their emotional experience is often shaped by neglect, abuse, or inconsistency in caregiving. As children, our brains are wired to seek safety, connection, and affection from our caregivers. When those basic needs aren’t met—whether through abandonment, emotional or physical abuse, or even just a lack of nurturing—our emotional development can be stunted. The result? An inability to recognize or accept love, even when it’s given freely.

For example, consider someone who grew up in an environment where their caregivers were emotionally unavailable or unpredictable. They may have learned to suppress their feelings to avoid the pain of abandonment. As adults, they might struggle to feel anything when someone offers kindness or affection, even if that person genuinely cares.

Another common scenario involves people who were raised in abusive households. They may have been repeatedly told they weren’t good enough or that love was conditional on their behavior. For them, being hugged or told “I love you” could trigger discomfort or even anger, because they’ve internalized that love is a tool for control, not a source of comfort.

Other Examples of Love Feeling Foreign:

The ‘Perfectionist’ Syndrome: A person raised in an environment where love was only given when they succeeded or behaved perfectly may feel a deep sense of unworthiness. They might find it hard to accept compliments or affection because they feel they haven’t earned it.
The Isolated Survivor: Some children grow up in emotionally or physically isolating environments, where emotional connection is scarce. As adults, they may struggle to trust others or find it difficult to form close relationships, even though they long for connection.
The Abandoned Child: A person whose primary caregiver abandoned them or was emotionally absent might never learn how to receive affection. When offered love, it can feel like a foreign concept, something they don’t deserve or can’t understand.

So, What Can You Do?

The first step toward healing is acknowledging the impact of your past on your present. Understanding that your inability to feel loved is a result of your trauma, not a reflection of your worth, is essential to healing. It’s not about changing who you are; it’s about learning how to open up to the love that is already around you.

Here are a few ways to begin reconnecting with love, both from others and from yourself:

1. Allow Yourself to Feel Safe

Start by creating a safe emotional space for yourself. This might mean seeking therapy or counseling to work through past trauma. Talking to a professional can help you untangle the feelings that block love, such as fear of vulnerability or deep-seated shame.

2. Practice Self-Compassion

It’s easy to feel unworthy of love when you’ve been taught that you’re not good enough. But self-compassion is the antidote. Start by being gentle with yourself. Recognize that your feelings are valid, and give yourself permission to feel worthy of love—because you are.

3. Learn to Accept Affection Gradually

If you’ve grown up without affection, receiving love can feel uncomfortable or even frightening. Start small. Let yourself receive simple acts of kindness without trying to analyze or push them away. Whether it’s a hug, a compliment, or a kind gesture, try to just be present in the moment, without judgment.

4. Reframe What Love Means

Love doesn’t always come in the form of big gestures. Sometimes, love is found in the quiet moments of connection: a cup of coffee shared with a friend, a kind word, a moment of silence with someone who understands you. Reframe love as something consistent and steady, not just a momentary feeling of euphoria.

5. Seek Out Healthy Relationships

Surround yourself with people who show genuine, unconditional care for you. Being in a safe, healthy relationship—whether with a partner, friend, or even a pet—can help you rediscover the feeling of being loved. Healthy relationships teach us how to receive love in a safe, nurturing environment.

6. Start With Physical Touch

Sometimes, learning to feel loved again can begin with physical touch. If a hug feels uncomfortable, try holding hands with someone you trust or sitting side by side without speaking. Gradually, your body will learn that closeness can be comforting, not threatening.

7. Be Patient With Yourself

Healing takes time, and that’s okay. It’s not a race to "get over" your past, but a journey of healing at your own pace. Every step you take toward accepting love is a victory, no matter how small.

You Are Not Alone: Healing Is Possible

The road to feeling loved again may seem long, especially if your childhood was marked by trauma and neglect. But you don’t have to carry this weight alone. Healing is possible, and with the right support and tools, you can learn to feel the love that has always been there, waiting for you to embrace it.

Remember, you are worthy of love—not because of what you’ve been through, but simply because you exist. Your past doesn’t have to define your future.

If you’ve struggled with feeling loved due to childhood trauma, know that there is always hope for change. Love is something you can learn to feel again, one step at a time. And the first step? Just knowing that you deserve it.

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