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Building Strong Bonds: How Parenting in Childhood Shapes Trusting Relationships with Adult Children

  • Writer: Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
    Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
  • Apr 1

Building trusting relationships with adult children requires ongoing communication, mutual respect, and a willingness to prioritize connection over conflict. By nurturing these bonds from a young age, parents can create a foundation that allows for deeper understanding and support throughout their children's adulthood.

Building Strong Bonds: How Parenting in Childhood Shapes Trusting Relationships with Adult Children

As adults, we often find ourselves reflecting on the relationships we have with our parents—whether they were supportive, strained, or filled with complexity. The reality is, the foundation for these relationships starts long before we reach adulthood. In fact, the way we nurture, communicate, and guide our children in their formative years plays a pivotal role in the nature of our relationship with them when they become adults.


It’s easy to assume that when our children grow up and become independent, the nature of the relationship changes, too. However, the truth is that the seeds of trust, communication, and connection are sown in childhood. Building a close, trusting relationship with your adult child doesn’t happen overnight, and it isn’t something that magically appears when they reach their twenties or thirties. It begins much earlier, when they’re still children.


The Importance of Trust in Childhood


At its core, trust is the cornerstone of any strong relationship. For parents and children, this trust is developed through consistent, open, and empathetic communication. From a young age, children begin to learn how much they can rely on their parents for both emotional and physical support. When parents are there to listen without judgment, provide guidance, and follow through on promises, children internalize these experiences as trust-building moments.


The little moments matter: when you respond calmly and supportively to your child’s fears, when you acknowledge their feelings, when you prioritize their needs over your own. These are the moments that tell children, "I can count on you," and they stay with them long after they’ve grown up.


Setting the Stage for Future Connection


The way you handle difficult conversations in your child’s youth can echo into their adult years. If you create an environment where open communication is valued, where feelings can be shared without fear of criticism, your adult child will feel more comfortable coming to you with their own struggles as they grow older.


It’s also important to remember that children learn by example. If they see you navigating challenges with resilience, honesty, and empathy, they will adopt these behaviors themselves. Modeling healthy emotional regulation, self-reflection, and respectful conflict resolution during their childhood helps set the stage for more meaningful and productive interactions in adulthood.


The Power of Empathy


Empathy is one of the most powerful tools in cultivating lasting trust. When parents take the time to understand their children’s perspectives—acknowledging their unique emotions, struggles, and experiences—they validate their children’s feelings. This validation builds a sense of security that encourages emotional openness.


In fact, research has shown that children who feel understood and supported by their parents are more likely to develop strong social and emotional skills, which will serve them well as they enter adulthood. A parent’s empathy in childhood makes a tremendous difference in how children perceive relationships later in life.


Choosing the Relationship Over "Who's Right"


One of the most powerful ways to maintain a close relationship with your child as they grow older is by prioritizing the relationship itself, rather than focusing on "who’s right" in disagreements. When parents take the stance of being “right” all the time, it creates an environment where children are more likely to shut down emotionally or resist open communication.


It’s natural to want to correct our children when they make mistakes, but the way we do so matters. Opting to approach situations with a spirit of collaboration, rather than a desire to win, helps to strengthen the bond. Sometimes, even when it feels like the stakes are high, choosing the relationship over being right fosters trust. It tells your child that you value them as a person—flaws and all—and that you’re not more concerned with being in control than with nurturing a healthy connection.


When your child feels that they are seen and heard, rather than just “corrected” or “taught a lesson,” they are more likely to continue coming to you for advice and emotional support as adults. In the long term, this approach ensures that the relationship remains strong, built on mutual respect and understanding.


Navigating the Transition to Adulthood


As your children enter adulthood, it’s essential to strike a balance between maintaining boundaries and continuing to offer emotional support. The adolescent years are often marked by a desire for independence, and as parents, it’s important to respect that while still remaining emotionally available. If you’ve laid the foundation of trust and understanding during their childhood, transitioning into an adult relationship can be smoother.


Adulthood brings with it new challenges for both parents and children. Your child may seek advice on relationships, career decisions, or life choices—moments that present opportunities to reinforce the trust you've built over the years. Remember, this relationship is not one-sided; it’s a dynamic process of mutual respect and communication.


The Key to Sustaining Close Relationships with Adult Children


While the transition from parent-child to an adult-adult relationship may feel like a natural evolution, it requires continued effort. Here are a few key points to keep in mind:


  • Respect their autonomy: Give your adult children the space to make their own decisions while offering guidance when needed. Trust that they have internalized the values you’ve taught them.


  • Continue to listen: Even as they grow older, don’t stop being an active listener. Whether they’re talking about their work, relationships, or personal challenges, your listening ear will strengthen your bond.


  • Offer support, not control: The days of guiding every aspect of your child’s life are over. Instead, offer unconditional support, even if it’s just a phone call to check in. Let them know you’re there without overstepping.


  • Celebrate their milestones: Whether it’s a career achievement, a marriage, or starting a family, celebrate their successes and show that you value their growth and independence.


Conclusion: The Long-Term Impact of Childhood Trust


The foundation for a strong, trusting relationship with your adult child is built through a series of intentional actions taken over the years. It’s about showing up emotionally, building empathy, and fostering open communication from the moment they’re born. As your child matures into adulthood, the trust you've developed will be the bedrock of your relationship, allowing both of you to navigate life’s challenges together.


So, how can you choose the relationship over being "right" in your interactions with your child today, knowing it will lay the groundwork for a stronger bond in their adulthood?


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Raising a Mentally Strong Toddler: How to Promote Healthy Emotion Regulation from the Start

  • Writer: Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
    Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
  • Mar 2

As a parent, it's essential to promote healthy emotion regulation by modeling calm responses and teaching coping strategies. By creating a safe and supportive environment, you can help your child develop the emotional resilience needed to navigate life’s challenges.

Raising a Mentally Strong Toddler: How to Promote Healthy Emotion Regulation from the Start

Parenting a toddler is no small feat. The unpredictable tantrums, the sudden outbursts of joy, and the overwhelming emotions that seem to emerge out of nowhere can leave any parent feeling exhausted and uncertain. But beyond these everyday challenges lies an opportunity — the chance to foster mental strength and emotional resilience in your child from a young age. By helping your toddler regulate their emotions, you're setting the foundation for a lifetime of mental well-being.


Understanding Emotion Regulation in Toddlers


Emotion regulation refers to the ability to manage and respond to emotional experiences in a healthy, balanced way. In toddlers, this skill is still in development. At this age, children are often overwhelmed by their emotions, and their ability to self-soothe or control their reactions is limited. This is why tantrums and meltdowns are a common part of toddlerhood — it's their way of expressing feelings they don’t fully understand or know how to process.


As a parent, your role is to help your child understand and manage these emotions. But how exactly can you promote healthy emotion regulation and support your toddler in becoming mentally strong?


1. Model Emotional Regulation


Children learn best by watching and imitating the adults around them. As a parent, one of the most powerful things you can do is model healthy emotional responses in your own behavior. When you face stress, frustration, or anger, demonstrate how you cope with those emotions. Take deep breaths, express your feelings calmly, or remove yourself from the situation to regroup. Your toddler will notice these strategies and, over time, start mimicking them.


For example, if your child sees you handling a stressful situation with calmness and patience, they are more likely to start using similar techniques to deal with their own emotions.


2. Acknowledge and Label Emotions


Even though toddlers may not have the vocabulary to express their emotions, they feel them intensely. By acknowledging your child's feelings and labeling their emotions, you can help them understand what they’re experiencing. Simple phrases like, "I can see you’re really frustrated," or "It seems like you’re feeling sad," validate their feelings and give them the language to identify and articulate their emotions.


As they grow, you can start introducing more complex emotional vocabulary — such as happy, sad, frustrated, excited, or even embarrassed — to help them build a broader emotional toolkit. This not only promotes emotional awareness but also helps them regulate their reactions in the future.


3. Teach Coping Skills Early


Even toddlers can begin learning basic coping skills that will help them handle big feelings. A good way to introduce these skills is through simple techniques like deep breathing, counting to ten, or taking a moment to calm down in a designated "calm space."


For example, when your toddler begins to get upset, you can guide them through a simple breathing exercise: "Let’s take a deep breath in… and breathe out slowly." Practicing these techniques together can help your child learn to self-soothe when they feel overwhelmed. Over time, these coping skills can become second nature for your toddler, giving them tools to manage emotions independently.


4. Create a Secure and Predictable Environment


Toddlers thrive on routine. A predictable environment and consistent boundaries provide a sense of security, which can help reduce anxiety and emotional outbursts. When children know what to expect, they are better able to regulate their emotions.


For instance, having a consistent bedtime routine can help your child feel calm and secure before sleep, while predictable meal and playtimes can make your child feel safe and in control of their daily schedule. When emotions are high, these routines can act as anchors that bring calmness and stability.


5. Encourage Expressing Emotions Creatively


Toddlers may not always be able to articulate their feelings verbally, but they can often express themselves creatively. Encourage activities like drawing, play-acting, or singing, where your toddler can explore their emotions through different mediums. For example, when your toddler is upset, instead of just trying to calm them down, you could offer them crayons and ask them to draw how they're feeling. This gives them an outlet for their emotions and promotes self-expression, which is a key part of emotional regulation.


6. Set and Maintain Boundaries with Empathy


Boundaries are essential for emotional regulation. While toddlers need room to express their emotions, they also need to learn that certain behaviors are unacceptable, such as hitting or screaming. Setting clear and consistent boundaries helps your toddler understand what is appropriate behavior, and when they push limits, calmly reinforcing the boundaries can help them learn self-control.


The key is to approach discipline with empathy. Instead of shaming or punishing, try to help your toddler understand why their behavior isn’t acceptable and offer a more appropriate way to express their feelings. For example, if your toddler hits another child out of frustration, you might say, "I can see you’re really angry, but hitting isn’t okay. Let’s use our words to tell them how we feel."


7. Give Them Time to Process Emotions


It’s important to allow your toddler time to process their emotions. Sometimes, they may need a few minutes to calm down before they’re ready to move on or discuss the issue. Avoid rushing the emotional recovery process or forcing your child to "snap out of it." Instead, allow them the space to experience their emotions fully, knowing that it’s a natural part of growing up.


8. Praise Effort, Not Perfection


Finally, it's important to acknowledge and praise your toddler's efforts, not just their achievements. If your child attempts to use a coping strategy or shows signs of self-regulation, praise them for their effort. Encouraging them to keep trying, even when they don't always succeed, builds emotional resilience and self-confidence.


Raising a Mentally Strong Toddler


By promoting healthy emotional regulation, you’re not just teaching your toddler to manage their emotions — you're also helping them build the mental strength they need to navigate life’s challenges. Emotional resilience is a lifelong skill, and fostering it in early childhood creates a strong foundation for emotional well-being as your child grows.


Eye-Opening Question:


How can we, as parents and caregivers, create more supportive environments where toddlers can safely express and manage their emotions, setting them up for a lifetime of emotional health and resilience?


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Pulling the Strings: Understanding Trichotillomania in Teens and How Parents Can Help

  • Writer: Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
    Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
  • Jan 30

Understanding trichotillomania in teens requires recognizing that it’s not just a bad habit, but a complex mental health disorder driven by emotional distress and compulsion. By understanding trichotillomania in teens, parents can offer the support and empathy needed to help their child navigate this challenging condition.

Pulling the Strings: Understanding Trichotillomania in Teens and How Parents Can Help

When a teen repeatedly pulls at their own hair, it might seem like a strange habit or a sign of stress. But for many adolescents, this behavior goes beyond mere nervousness. Trichotillomania, a disorder characterized by the irresistible urge to pull out one’s hair, affects 1 in 50 people, with a large portion of those individuals first experiencing symptoms in their teens. Despite being less talked about than other mental health conditions, trichotillomania can have a profound impact on a teenager's emotional well-being, social interactions, and self-esteem. Understanding its causes, recognizing its signs, and knowing how to support your teen through it are crucial steps toward recovery.


What Is Trichotillomania?


Trichotillomania is classified as a body-focused repetitive behavior (BFRB), which includes compulsive actions like hair-pulling, nail-biting, or skin-picking. In trichotillomania, individuals feel an overwhelming urge to pull out their hair, whether from the scalp, eyebrows, eyelashes, or other body areas. This behavior is often linked to feelings of tension or anxiety, followed by a sense of relief or gratification when the hair is pulled.


While it's easy to dismiss hair-pulling as just a bad habit or a quirky phase, the truth is far more complex. Trichotillomania is a mental health disorder that can deeply affect a teen's sense of identity and self-worth, often leading to shame, isolation, and frustration.


The Causes: Why Do Teens Pull Their Hair?


The exact cause of trichotillomania is not fully understood, but there are several contributing factors that may play a role in its development, particularly during adolescence:


  1. Genetics: Research suggests that trichotillomania can run in families, pointing to a genetic predisposition. Teens with family members who have anxiety disorders or other BFRBs are more likely to develop it.


  2. Brain Chemistry: Studies have shown that an imbalance in brain chemicals, specifically serotonin and dopamine, could contribute to the compulsive nature of trichotillomania. These neurotransmitters are responsible for regulating mood and anxiety, which may explain why the act of hair-pulling feels temporarily soothing.


  3. Stress and Anxiety: For many teens, hair-pulling is a coping mechanism in response to stress, anxiety, or trauma. Adolescence is a time of intense change, filled with social pressures, academic stress, and emotional upheaval. Hair-pulling may become a way for a teen to manage these overwhelming feelings.


  4. Perfectionism and Control: Trichotillomania can also manifest in teens who have perfectionist tendencies or feel a lack of control in their lives. The act of pulling hair may serve as a way to regain some sense of control or alleviate frustration when things don't feel “right.”


  5. Social and Environmental Factors: Bullying, family conflict, or other environmental stressors may trigger or worsen trichotillomania in some teens. Peer pressure and body image issues can also contribute to heightened anxiety and the desire to control one’s appearance, leading to hair-pulling behaviors.


Recognizing the Signs


As a parent, it can be difficult to differentiate between a teen's bad habit and a more serious condition like trichotillomania. The most noticeable sign is the frequent, repetitive pulling of hair, which often results in thinning patches or bald spots. Teens may also try to hide their hair-pulling by wearing hats, scarves, or long hairstyles.


Other signs include:


  • Tension or anxiety before pulling

  • A sense of relief or satisfaction after pulling

  • Picking at or playing with the pulled hair (often resulting in the hair being eaten or collected)

  • Avoidance of social situations due to embarrassment about the appearance of bald patches or missing eyebrows


If you notice these signs in your teen, it’s important to approach the situation with understanding, not judgment. Trichotillomania is not a behavior your teen is choosing to engage in for attention or as a form of rebellion. It's a coping mechanism for deeper emotional distress.


How Can Parents Help?


As a parent, it's essential to approach your teen’s trichotillomania with empathy and support. Here are some ways you can help:


  1. Create a Safe Space for Conversation: Encourage your teen to open up about their feelings without fear of criticism or punishment. Be patient and listen to their struggles. Sometimes, simply being there for your child can help them feel less alone.


  2. Seek Professional Help: Trichotillomania is often treated with a combination of therapy and behavioral strategies. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), specifically Habit Reversal Training (HRT), is the most common and effective therapy for trichotillomania. A therapist can help your teen identify triggers, develop alternative behaviors, and manage anxiety.


  3. Provide Practical Support: Help your teen identify coping mechanisms for stress and anxiety that don’t involve hair-pulling. Deep breathing exercises, mindfulness, or physical activities like yoga or running can be great outlets for managing emotions. Additionally, helping them develop healthy sleep habits and reducing sources of stress can be key.


  4. Encourage Small, Positive Changes: Help your teen find small victories that can contribute to breaking the cycle of hair-pulling. This could include setting achievable goals, such as going a few days without pulling hair, and celebrating these milestones together.


  5. Be Patient: Recovery from trichotillomania is often a slow process. Avoid being critical or impatient, as this may only add to your teen's feelings of shame or frustration. Instead, offer consistent encouragement and celebrate progress, no matter how small.


Looking Forward: The Road to Recovery


With the right support, treatment, and patience, many teens with trichotillomania can find ways to manage the disorder and reduce or eliminate the behavior. Parents who approach the situation with understanding can play a pivotal role in their teen’s recovery journey. Encouraging professional help, offering emotional support, and fostering healthy coping strategies are all key to helping your teen regain control of their life.


The Question to Reflect On:


Could the habits your teen displays be more than just "bad behavior"? Are there underlying emotional struggles that need more than just a surface-level approach to fix?


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