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Setting Boundaries With Your Parents Is Not Selfish — It’s Self-Loving

  • Writer: Niki Kay | Wellness Podcast Host | Guest Writer
    Niki Kay | Wellness Podcast Host | Guest Writer
  • Apr 24

The truth is, as much as we may want to stand by our parents, sometimes it’s more important to stand up for ourselves. Because the reality is, not all parents are supportive or able to show up in the ways we truly need. Whether it’s helicopter parenting, emotional immaturity, absence, or anything in between, there’s often a common thread: our emotional needs, sense of safety, and security weren’t fully met in childhood.

Setting Boundaries With Your Parents Is Not Selfish — It’s Self-Loving

Sometimes we need to fall in order to learn, something that overly controlling parents often struggle to allow. We may crave privacy, needing to keep certain parts of ourselves just for us, a concept that emotionally immature or overly dependent parents might not grasp. And sometimes, we just need to hear that someone is proud of us, words our absent parents may never be able to give.


No matter the dynamic between parent and child, we realize that our purpose in life isn’t to constantly seek their approval or earn the title of “good daughter” or “good son”. Our existence is meant to be lived authentically: full of risks, mistakes, heartbreaks, lessons, and evolution. But in order to self-actualize, we must give ourselves the space to grow.


Why Is It Important to Set Boundaries?


The interesting thing about boundaries is that they often need to be set with the people closest to us. None of us makes it through childhood entirely unscathed. We all carry core wounds, many of them knowingly or unknowingly caused by our parents. These wounds follow us into adulthood and impact how we show up in the world.


But the healing we need can’t begin until we allow ourselves the space to process and repair. That’s where boundaries come in. We realize that loving ourselves doesn’t mean we love them any less. That standing up for our needs doesn’t make us ungrateful for their sacrifices. Choosing to leave home or draw a line in the sand isn’t selfish; it’s self-loving.


Because only when we honor our truest selves can we genuinely show up for those around us. As long as resentment or guilt lingers, we stay trapped in a painful tug-of-war, torn between betraying ourselves or betraying them. But when we choose ourselves with compassion and courage, we begin to break that cycle and open the door to the respect, love, and freedom we need to truly thrive in our own lives.



What Does Setting Boundaries Look Like?


One of the biggest sources of guilt when setting boundaries is saying “no” to our parents. The moment we do, we’re often consumed by a fear of disappointing them or feeling like we’re being ungrateful.


But it’s important to remind ourselves that saying “no” isn’t an act of rejection, it’s an act of self-preservation. When communicated with clarity, our boundaries can actually deepen mutual understanding and create a more loving relationship. Setting boundaries might sound like:


  • “I won’t be able to visit this holiday — I’ve been working hard and really need some time to rest and recharge.”


  • “I understand that you want me to stay in school and pursue this degree, but my heart is calling me in a different direction, and I need to honor that.”


  • “I’m not ready to talk about my personal life just yet. I promise I’ll open up when I have more clarity.”


These kinds of statements communicate compassion, respect, and consideration, not defiance. At the end of the day, most parents want what’s best for you, even if their version of “best” doesn’t perfectly align with yours.


By expressing that you value their presence while also advocating for your own time, space, and truth, you give them the opportunity to support you in ways that feel good to both of you.


How to Handle Situations When Boundaries Are Overstepped


The truth about boundaries is that they’re more for you than for the other person. No matter who you’re setting them with, even your parents. Each time we advocate for our needs, even at the risk of disappointing someone, we strengthen our self-worth. When someone oversteps a boundary, it’s a form of disrespect to you. But this awareness is here to empower you. When your boundary is crossed, it’s up to you to clearly address it. Sometimes, assertiveness is necessary. That might mean saying, “This felt like a violation of what I expressed, and I need you to respect that moving forward.”


In some cases, taking space from your parents can be necessary to protect your mental health. That doesn’t mean cutting them off permanently. But a temporary pause in communication can help you restore peace and clarity. What matters is communicating this choice in a calm yet firm way, so everyone understands why that space is needed.


Conclusion


Boundaries aren’t about punishment or pushing people away. They’re about preservation. Setting them is an act of self-respect, self-care, and self-love. When we choose to protect our peace and mental well-being, we are choosing to honor ourselves at the deepest level.


At times, we may wonder why we have to be the ones to lead these conversations or “be the bigger person.” But there’s power in realizing we’re not doing it to please others, we’re doing it to protect our own peace. When we make that shift, we step out of the victim mindset and into our power.


We begin to hold the reins of our lives like we’re meant to; without blame, guilt, or resentment, but with clarity, confidence, and love.


Carlie Malott

Niki Kay

Host of the Mindset Mentress Podcast | Guest Writer of Moody Melon Magazine

I'm a writer, podcast host, and entrepreneur focused on self-discovery and transformation. Through my podcast, Mindset Mentress, I share insights on authenticity and growth. Currently pursuing a journalism certification at NYU to enhance my storytelling and impact.

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Building Your Own Support System: How to Find Strength When You're Struggling

  • Writer: Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
    Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
  • Mar 4

Building your own support system is an empowering way to take control of your mental health, ensuring you have the resources you need during tough times. By surrounding yourself with trusted individuals and self-care practices, you can create a foundation that strengthens your resilience and well-being.

Building Your Own Support System: How to Find Strength When You're Struggling

Life can throw us curveballs at any moment—whether it's stress, a personal loss, a mental health challenge, or even the weight of daily responsibilities. When you're struggling, it often feels like you need someone else to step in, provide guidance, or just listen. But what happens when those external sources of support aren't readily available? How do you create a network that’s there for you when you need it most?


While relying on family, friends, or therapists is important, there are times when you might have to take matters into your own hands and create your own support system. The truth is, building your own emotional toolkit and cultivating your own network of resources can be empowering, transformative, and ultimately, healing.


Here’s how you can take control and create a support system that works for you:


1. Start with Self-Awareness


The first step in building your support system is understanding what kind of help you need. Ask yourself: What kind of support will help me feel better in my current situation? Is it emotional support, practical help, or a mix of both?


Self-reflection is crucial because it helps you identify where your challenges lie. You might realize that you don’t need someone to "fix" your problems, but simply to listen. Or, you may find that having a concrete plan for organizing your day helps you manage your anxiety better.


2. Embrace Your Inner Circle – Even if It’s Small


When you’re struggling, it’s tempting to isolate yourself, believing that no one could possibly understand. However, your inner circle—those friends, family members, or colleagues you trust—can provide invaluable support. The key is to be honest with them about your needs.


Instead of expecting your inner circle to instinctively know what you need, take the initiative and share openly. For example, let them know if you need someone to talk to, a distraction, or just help with practical tasks like running errands or preparing meals. Sometimes, those closest to you are more than willing to step in if they understand the type of help you’re seeking.


If your inner circle feels too small, you can also expand your circle by reaching out to people you may not have considered before. This could include neighbors, co-workers, or even acquaintances who might offer the support you didn’t know you needed.


3. Seek Professional Help When Needed


A major aspect of building your support system is recognizing when professional help is needed. Therapists, counselors, and mental health professionals can be an essential resource for navigating tough times. They not only provide a safe, unbiased space to work through emotions, but they also help you develop the tools you need to manage your mental health.


Professional help may seem like an intimidating step, but it’s one of the most important ways to ensure your well-being. No one expects you to “do it alone,” and having someone trained to guide you through your struggles can be a game-changer.


4. Create Your Own Routines and Practices


A self-made support system isn’t just about people—it’s also about creating routines and practices that give you strength and grounding. This might involve activities that nurture your mental health, such as:


  • Exercise: Physical activity is one of the most powerful ways to boost your mood and manage stress. Whether it's yoga, walking, or dancing, moving your body can provide an immediate emotional lift.

  • Mindfulness or Meditation: These practices help calm your mind, build resilience, and keep you grounded, especially in moments of overwhelm.

  • Creative Outlets: Journaling, painting, or crafting can be incredibly therapeutic, allowing you to express feelings you might struggle to verbalize.


By creating regular practices that center you, you provide yourself with ongoing support—regardless of external circumstances.


5. Use Online Communities and Support Groups


In today’s digital age, creating a support system doesn't have to be limited to face-to-face interactions. Online support groups or mental health forums can connect you with others who are facing similar struggles. Whether it’s a Facebook group, Reddit forum, or specific mental health app, these platforms allow you to share your experiences, learn coping strategies, and feel understood without judgment.


One major advantage of online communities is their ability to provide support 24/7, offering a sense of connection during difficult times—especially when other sources of support might not be available.


6. Set Boundaries with Your Support System


It’s easy to feel overwhelmed when you’re leaning on others for support. Remember that boundaries are essential—both for yourself and for those around you. You are entitled to communicate when you need space or when you’re not ready to engage in conversations about your struggles.


Healthy boundaries protect you from burnout and ensure that the support you receive remains positive and helpful. It’s okay to ask for what you need, take time for yourself, and also recognize when someone else might need a break.


7. Be Your Own Advocate


Finally, advocating for yourself is a critical part of building your support system. When you’re struggling, it’s easy to fall into the trap of self-doubt and not ask for what you need. But you are the best person to determine what kind of support will help you.


Asking for help when you need it—whether it’s emotional, physical, or professional—is not a weakness. It's a step towards healing and empowerment. You deserve to ask for the care and understanding that you need to thrive.



In Conclusion


Building your own support system can be a deeply empowering process. It doesn’t mean you have to navigate life’s challenges alone, but it does mean you are actively participating in your own healing by creating resources and connections that truly work for you.


The strength to ask for help, create boundaries, and access tools for self-care lies within you. With a mix of people, practices, and professional guidance, you can create a support system that’s uniquely yours.


Eye-Opening Question: What small step can you take today to start building or strengthening your own support system, even if it’s just a conversation with someone you trust?


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The Work-Life Balance Myth: Is Perfect Balance Really Possible?

  • Writer: Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
    Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
  • Feb 4

The "Work-Life Balance Myth" suggests that we can perfectly divide our time between work, personal life, and self-care, but in reality, achieving such balance is a constant challenge. Instead of striving for perfection, we should focus on finding flexibility and adjusting our priorities as needed to maintain our mental well-being.

The Work-Life Balance Myth: Is Perfect Balance Really Possible?

In today’s fast-paced world, we’re all trying to find the perfect balance between our work and personal lives. It’s like chasing a unicorn – something that sounds amazing but is hard to pin down. The term “work-life balance” is often thrown around as if it’s a simple, attainable goal. But what if the idea of a perfectly balanced life is just that – a myth?


We’re constantly told we need to balance our time between work, family, friends, self-care, and personal growth. And sure, there are days when everything seems to fall into place. But more often than not, we find ourselves juggling multiple priorities, feeling overwhelmed, and wondering if we’re doing it all wrong. The truth is, work-life balance is not a static destination – it’s a constantly shifting dynamic that requires flexibility and self-compassion.



The “Perfect” Balance Trap


The idea of “perfect” balance can create a lot of pressure. We may strive to work hard at our jobs while also being present for our loved ones, keeping up with hobbies, and making time for health and wellness. But life doesn’t always allow for this kind of neat, compartmentalized structure. Some days, work demands more of our time. Other days, personal obligations or self-care take the spotlight. And sometimes, we just need to rest.


What tends to happen when we try to achieve perfect balance is we overextend ourselves, burn out, or feel guilty for not meeting our own (or society’s) expectations. The truth is, balance isn’t about keeping everything in perfect alignment every day—it’s about being adaptable and recognizing when things need to shift.



Flexibility: The Secret Ingredient


The key to finding balance is not about rigidly sticking to a schedule, but rather about being flexible with your time and energy. It’s about knowing that some days your work might require more focus, while other days, you need to prioritize your well-being or time with loved ones. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to this.


Maybe you have a week where your job demands overtime and your family time suffers a bit—but that’s okay as long as you plan to recharge afterward. Maybe you set aside a whole weekend for yourself without feeling guilty about it. In the end, balance isn’t about equality in every moment—it’s about recognizing your needs and allowing yourself to honor them, even when it means temporarily shifting priorities.


Saying No and Setting Boundaries


One of the biggest challenges in achieving work-life balance is learning how to say no. It’s easy to feel like you have to do everything or be everything to everyone, but setting boundaries is essential for mental health. Saying no doesn’t make you selfish—it makes you smart. Whether it’s saying no to a work assignment, declining social plans, or setting limits with family and friends, you need to protect your time and energy to maintain your well-being.


Boundaries help you preserve your energy so you can give your best to the things that matter most—without feeling like you’re spreading yourself too thin. The more you practice setting boundaries, the easier it becomes to create a healthy rhythm between your professional and personal life.


Imperfection is Okay


The most important thing to remember is that finding balance doesn’t mean being perfect. Life is messy, and it’s impossible to fully manage every aspect of it at all times. The goal isn’t to create some flawless formula for balance, but to find a sustainable flow that works for you.


It’s okay to have days where work takes over, or days when you’re entirely focused on yourself and your family. As long as you’re consistently checking in with your needs and adjusting when necessary, you’re doing the best you can. And that’s enough.


The Bottom Line


Work-life balance isn’t about achieving perfection; it’s about flexibility, self-awareness, and learning to say no when needed. Life is unpredictable, and so is the balance between work and personal life. Rather than aiming for an elusive, static “perfect balance,” try to focus on maintaining a flexible, evolving rhythm that prioritizes your mental health.


So, as you move through your day, ask yourself this:


"What does my balance look like today—and how can I adjust it to better care for myself?"


That’s the real question that can guide you towards a healthier, more sustainable balance, no matter how imperfect it may be.


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