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Trust Without the Trauma: How to Heal, Be Enough, and Recognize the Quiet Love Around You

  • Writer: Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
    Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
  • Jun 18

Trust without the trauma is about learning to open your heart again—not because the past didn’t hurt, but because you finally know your worth. In choosing Trust Without the Trauma, we give ourselves permission to heal, grow, and receive love without needing to fight for it.

Trust Without the Trauma: How to Heal, Be Enough, and Recognize the Quiet Love Around You

We’ve all been there—disappointed by someone we trusted, wounded by rejection, let down when we needed support the most. Whether it's a betrayal, abandonment, or the slow drip of neglect, these experiences teach us one thing very quickly: protect yourself. And while that instinct is valid, helpful even, it often overstays its welcome.


What if the walls we’ve built to stay safe are the very ones keeping us from healing?


The Aftermath of Disappointment


After trauma or repeated emotional setbacks, trust becomes not just difficult, but exhausting. We overanalyze every text, question every motive, and brace for the next letdown before joy even gets a chance to land. We learn to expect absence. To wait for silence. To believe that being fully ourselves might be too much—or worse, not enough.


But here’s the truth that trauma doesn’t want us to remember:Your best, real, growing self is enough. You don’t need to shape-shift to be worthy of love. You don’t need to audition for respect.



Let Go of What Doesn’t See You


One of the hardest lessons in mental health and healing is this: some people simply won't show up for us—no matter how kind, generous, or loving we are. And it’s not our job to shrink ourselves trying to change that.


The way someone treats you isn’t always a mirror of your value—it’s often a reflection of where they are, what they fear, or what they simply can’t give.


Instead of trying to win over those who disregard your worth, shift your focus inward and upward. Tend to yourself. Find joy in your own company. And recognize the beautiful souls who do show up.



Notice the Quiet Kindness


Love doesn't always arrive with fireworks and grand gestures. Sometimes it's subtle:


  • A friend checking in when you go quiet

  • A co-worker who remembers how you take your coffee

  • A stranger holding the door just a little longer


Love is often gentle and unspoken. And when we’re constantly chasing big, dramatic displays of care, we risk missing the quiet ways it’s already around us.


Learning to Trust Again (Softly)


Rebuilding trust isn’t about becoming blind or naive. It’s about learning to recognize when safety is present and real. It’s about choosing to see goodness where it exists, without letting the shadows of past pain block the light.


Start small:


  • Trust yourself to set a boundary—and honor it

  • Trust a moment of kindness—without assuming it’s fake

  • Trust that being vulnerable doesn’t make you weak—it makes you real


And remember: you don’t need to beg for love. You only need to be open to seeing it, in whatever form it arrives.


Final Reflection:


What if love has been around you this whole time—just quiet, patient, and waiting for you to finally believe you deserve it?


💬 Ready to start your own healing journey?


Book a session with one of our compassionate therapists at Moody Melon Counseling. We’re here when you’re ready. 🍉



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Survivor's Guilt: Navigating the Emotional Storm After Loss

  • Writer: Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
    Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
  • Mar 24

Survivor's guilt can leave you questioning why you survived when others didn’t, creating a heavy emotional burden that’s hard to shake. Acknowledging these feelings and seeking support is the first step toward healing and finding peace.

Survivor's Guilt: Navigating the Emotional Storm After Loss

Losing someone you love is a devastating experience. Whether it’s a friend, family member, or partner, the pain of their absence can feel insurmountable. But for some, the emotional weight doesn’t end with grief; it’s compounded by a deep, overwhelming sense of survivor's guilt. Survivor’s guilt is the feeling that you didn’t deserve to live while someone you loved and cherished is no longer here. It’s a complex emotional struggle that can feel like you’re carrying a burden that’s hard to explain or even comprehend.



What Is Survivor’s Guilt?


Survivor’s guilt often arises when someone feels responsible for surviving an event—whether a traumatic incident, accident, illness, or even a natural death—while others didn’t. It’s common in people who have lost someone suddenly or unexpectedly. The guilt manifests in questions like, Why am I still here? or What could I have done differently? It’s a struggle that many don’t talk about, leaving the person feeling isolated and misunderstood.


When dealing with the emotions that come with survivor’s guilt, it’s important to recognize that the feeling of guilt doesn’t reflect reality. It’s a common reaction to loss, but it can be an unhelpful and unhealthy one. The key to overcoming this is self-compassion and understanding that the loss you’ve experienced wasn’t your fault.


The Many Faces of Survivor's Guilt


Survivor’s guilt doesn’t always appear as one straightforward emotion. In fact, it can take many forms:


  • Regret: You may have wished for more time with the person who passed, or regret that you weren’t able to do more to help or support them.

  • Self-blame: You might blame yourself for things you could have done differently, like being in a different place at the wrong time or missing an important conversation.

  • Anger: You may feel anger towards yourself for surviving or feel resentment toward the person who has passed, wondering why they didn’t get the chance to continue living.

  • Depression: Guilt can deepen into a sadness or emotional numbness. The struggle to accept that you’re still alive can lead to withdrawal, isolation, and even self-destructive tendencies.


Acknowledging and Processing Your Emotions


One of the most important steps in managing survivor’s guilt is acknowledging your emotions. It’s normal to feel a range of emotions after a loss, and those feelings need space to be fully expressed.


1. Give Yourself Permission to Grieve


Grief is personal and comes in many forms. Don’t rush through it. Give yourself the time and space to mourn, and remember that grief doesn’t have a timeline. It can be helpful to express your emotions in ways that feel natural to you—writing in a journal, talking to a friend, or even engaging in creative activities like art or music.


2. Seek Support


When you’re caught in the cycle of survivor’s guilt, it’s easy to feel alone, but reaching out for support is crucial. Connecting with a therapist or counselor who can help you process your feelings is often one of the most helpful steps you can take. Support groups, whether online or in person, can also offer validation and the opportunity to speak with others who are experiencing similar challenges.


3. Challenge Your Thoughts


It’s vital to question the thoughts and beliefs that fuel your guilt. Understand that you are not responsible for another person’s life or death. It may seem counterintuitive, but reflecting on the reality of the situation—what was out of your control—can help shift the weight of guilt. Use affirmations like, I did the best I could in that situation, or I am worthy of healing and happiness.


4. Honor the Memory of the Loved One


Survivor’s guilt often comes from a desire to honor the memory of the person who’s gone. Channel this desire in a positive way by finding ways to remember and celebrate their life—whether through a ritual, a charitable act, or simply sharing stories with others who loved them. Living in honor of them can be a powerful way to move forward and ease the burden of guilt.


Finding Meaning in the Pain


Though survivor’s guilt is a painful emotion, it also offers an opportunity for personal growth. Working through it can lead to greater empathy, a deeper appreciation for life, and a stronger connection to the people around you. By processing your emotions and finding ways to heal, you’re not just surviving—you’re thriving despite the pain.


Survivor’s guilt doesn’t have to define your experience with loss. While it’s part of the journey, it’s also possible to find a path to peace and healing. By opening up about your feelings, challenging guilt-driven thoughts, and surrounding yourself with support, you can work through survivor’s guilt and ultimately emerge stronger.


Are you ready to let go of the guilt and embrace your healing? What steps are you taking today to honor your journey?


💬 Ready to start your own healing journey?


Book a session with one of our compassionate therapists at Moody Melon Counseling. We’re here when you’re ready. 🍉



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Healing from the Inside Out: The Power of Self-Care After Trauma

  • Writer: Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
    Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
  • Dec 9, 2024

Self-care after trauma is about reclaiming your peace, nurturing your mind and body, and taking small steps toward healing every day. It’s not about perfection, but about being kind to yourself and allowing the space to feel, recover, and grow at your own pace.

Healing from the Inside Out: The Power of Self-Care After Trauma

When life throws us a curveball, especially in the form of trauma, it can feel like we’ve lost control of our own existence. Trauma—whether it’s the loss of a loved one, a car accident, an abusive relationship, or even a deeply stressful life event—can leave an imprint on our mind, body, and spirit. In the aftermath, we often find ourselves searching for a path to healing. While professional therapy and support systems are essential, one of the most powerful tools we have to aid in recovery is self-care.


Self-care after trauma isn’t about simple acts of indulgence like a bubble bath or a massage (though those are lovely and important). It’s about healing from the inside out—nurturing the parts of ourselves that have been hurt, neglected, or ignored. It’s about acknowledging your pain and creating a space where you can begin to heal at your own pace.


1. The Power of Grounding: Reconnecting with the Present Moment


One of the most significant impacts of trauma is its tendency to pull us out of the present moment. Our minds may race with memories of the past, or we may feel constantly on edge, waiting for the next crisis to occur. This is where grounding techniques can be a lifeline.


Grounding exercises help us reconnect with the here and now. They can be as simple as feeling the texture of an object in your hand, noticing the colors and sounds around you, or even practicing a few minutes of deep breathing. These exercises redirect your focus from the overwhelming emotions tied to past trauma to the present moment, creating a sense of safety and calm.


2. Movement: Releasing Trauma Stored in the Body


Trauma doesn’t just live in our minds—it lives in our bodies too. After traumatic experiences, our muscles often tighten, our breath becomes shallow, and our energy feels trapped. Movement—whether through yoga, stretching, walking, or dance—can be a powerful way to release that pent-up energy and reconnect with our bodies.


Movement helps us reclaim control over our physical selves, sending signals to the brain that we are safe. It doesn't require a gym membership or intense workouts—sometimes, a slow walk or a few gentle stretches are all you need to begin the process of releasing trauma from the body.


3. Nourishing the Body with Love: Food as Medicine


It’s no secret that trauma can affect our physical health. It’s not uncommon to experience changes in appetite, digestive issues, or low energy after a traumatic event. But the connection between nutrition and mental well-being is often underestimated. Our bodies and minds are deeply interconnected, and the food we eat can either support or hinder our recovery process.


Opting for nutrient-dense, whole foods—such as fresh vegetables, fruits, lean proteins, and whole grains—can help balance your mood, improve energy levels, and support cognitive function. Hydration is just as important; drinking enough water helps your body process stress more effectively. A nourishing meal can be a form of self-care, as it nurtures your body and sends a message that you are worthy of care.


4. Mindfulness and Meditation: Quieting the Mind


After trauma, our minds often feel like a battlefield—overactive, anxious, and filled with racing thoughts. Mindfulness practices like meditation can help us slow down and regain control of our minds. Meditation trains the mind to focus on the present moment, allowing us to step outside the chaos of our thoughts and observe them without judgment.


Even just five minutes of deep breathing, or listening to a guided meditation, can significantly reduce anxiety, calm intrusive thoughts, and help create a sense of emotional balance. Over time, regular meditation can help rewire the brain, making it easier to cope with stress and emotional triggers in a healthier way.


5. Building Boundaries: Protecting Your Energy


One often overlooked aspect of self-care after trauma is learning to protect your energy through boundaries. Traumatic experiences can leave us vulnerable, and it’s easy to feel like we need to say “yes” to everyone and everything in an attempt to regain control or avoid conflict. However, respecting your limits is one of the most essential forms of self-care.


Setting clear boundaries with others—whether it’s saying no to social obligations, limiting contact with toxic individuals, or taking time away from stressful environments—helps protect your emotional well-being. Boundaries are not about shutting people out but rather about creating the space to heal and prioritize your needs.


6. Therapeutic Self-Compassion: Being Gentle with Yourself


In the aftermath of trauma, it’s easy to fall into the trap of self-criticism. You may find yourself feeling “broken” or “not good enough” because of what you’ve been through. But the truth is, trauma is not your fault, and you are not defined by it. Self-compassion is one of the most transformative self-care practices you can engage in.


Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer to a friend who is suffering. Remind yourself that healing takes time, and it’s okay to not have everything figured out. Self-compassion means accepting your imperfections, honoring your feelings, and giving yourself permission to heal at your own pace. It’s about embracing your humanity and acknowledging that, despite everything, you are still worthy of love and care.


7. Creating Connection: Reaching Out for Support


Finally, one of the most powerful forms of self-care is allowing yourself to reach out for help. After trauma, we can feel disconnected from others, but isolation only deepens our suffering. Finding a trusted friend, family member, or therapist can provide a vital lifeline for healing. Support groups, where others share similar experiences, can also offer a sense of solidarity and understanding.


Healing doesn’t happen in isolation—it happens in connection. It’s okay to lean on others, whether it’s for emotional support, a listening ear, or practical help. Just as you would care for someone else, you deserve the same care and compassion from others.


Conclusion: The Journey of Healing


Self-care after trauma isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach, nor is it something that can fix everything overnight. It’s a journey—a gradual, patient process of reclaiming your life and your well-being. It requires acknowledging the pain, but it also involves nourishing yourself in ways that promote healing and growth.


Remember, trauma doesn’t define you, and healing is possible. Every small step you take—whether it's breathing deeply, moving your body, or simply being gentle with yourself—matters. You are worthy of healing, connection, and peace. Take it one day at a time, and honor the progress you make, no matter how small it may seem.


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