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  • Writer's pictureJulie Y Barris

I Sold Something Behind His Back. Now He's Calling Me A Thief.

Sharing is a couple thing, isn't it?



Julie,


My boyfriend brought some wire home from work one day. Since he keeps all the money and very seldom leaves me any, I stripped the wire and sold them. Now he's calling me a thief and said I stole from him. I told him that we are a couple, how is that stealing? It's both of ours.


Am I right or wrong?


WireStealer


 

Dear WireStealer,


I'm sorry that your boyfriend seems to keep his money to himself, but taking something he brought home in the first place and selling it without asking/letting him know first is wrong. That's the short answer. However, his calling you a #thief is weak and immature and certainly does nothing but escalate your fight. I want you to take a step back and come to an understanding of each other so you can better communicate for the sake of your relationship.


What You Should Consider


Did you do that as a retaliation? It sounds to me you are quite upset that he doesn't give you money/allowance or enough of it. But if you sell things that he rightfully owns just to teach him a lesson, you've got another problem coming. I doubt he learned anything out of your doing that, and in fact, he probably has less respect for you because of what you did. It's never good for a relationship to want to inflict #retribution on your partner, even if you were overwhelmed with feelings of hurt. Certainly it's easier said than done, since come on, we all have an ugly side where we do things we aren't proud of sometimes. The good thing is, once you realize it, saying sorry helps. You may be able to talk civilly again if you initiate an #apology.


Not all couples share wealth, and it's not wrong not to either. I have friends who are married and have always maintained their financial independence. They have no plans to have a joint bank account and probably never will. Being a couple means sharing things, I get that. But some people are more #sensitive to certain things of theirs, such as money in your case. So forcing him to share what he doesn't want to is a pain in itself. If I really needed money, I'd rather get a job myself. So if sharing wealth is a big must to you, you need to make sure he knows that. At the end of the day though, you guys might just have to agree to disagree and move on.


Your partner's trust should be more important than a few hundred bucks. You don't want to break his trust by doing things like that behind his back (no wonder he's upset!). I have a feeling you knew he would not let you sell the wire if you told him before you did, that was why you did it #sneakily. In that sense, your #conscience already knew it was wrong. There really isn't a point to hide behind the "it's a couple thing" about sharing money. Remember how you guys fell in love? It wasn't about money then. And remember how you guys are not getting along now? It's about that money. Be fully aware that your #actions can make or break your relationship. So ask yourself this, is he more #valuable than his money?


Evaluate whether you want to be with him. If he's a #cheapguy and tends to keep every one of his pennies tight within his pocket, you need to consider whether that's okay with you. If he's the kind of guy that spends a lot on himself but not on his loved ones, you need to consider whether that's okay with you. If you think being his girlfriend entitles you to claim his wealth as yours, you need to consider whether it's okay that he doesn't agree with you about that in the least. If he's a softy inside and can listen to reason, you need to consider whether having a serious talk with him to get him to change his mindset about money, which is going to be difficult and takes work, is worth your time.


This #moneyissue can quickly go south and bring your relationship down along with it. While it's not okay what you did (selling his wire), saying sorry is a quick fix to stop the bleeding. If he would listen, talk to him about your #concern regarding what a couple should be in terms of sharing wealth. It's always good to want to understand EACH OTHER and avoid one-sided conversations. Most importantly, don't forget to kiss after every argument/disagreement. Remember that he loves you even though you have no money. You can do the same for him, right?





Need relationship advice? Ask away! Julie's not far away. She's just one screen away. To submit your question, click here.

 

Julie Y. Barris

Founder | Chief Editor | Advice Guru of Moody Melon Magazine

I am an author, artist, entrepreneur, and a graphic designer with a unique vision to contribute to the world one idea at a time. Besides creating and inventing things, I’m also fascinated by the human mind. I enjoy helping others help themselves by giving them advice on family and relationship matters.


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