Julie Y Barris
Insecure Boyfriend Cries Every Time I Leave Town. What To Do?
I care about him a lot even though he's a cry baby...
I'm having problems with my relationship. Every time I go somewhere far from my boyfriend, he starts to cry and I laugh, then he thinks I'm not taking our relationship seriously. I don't want to laugh in his face anymore. Is there a way I can change? I need lots of help to be honest. He's the first boyfriend I've ever had. It's a serious relationship I have with him and I don't want us to break up. I want the best advice so I won't screw this up.
— Reyna Gallardo
Dear Reyna Gallardo,
It may sound #offensive to some people to say this, but boys get insecure in relationships too. That's totally normal. Oftentimes it just means they care about who they are with a lot and are afraid of losing them. And this should be good news to you because this is what you want — you want him to want you and you got that! The issue here seems to be, however, that he could come off a bit clingy. Which is no problem at at if you like that in a partner, but if you were to dislike that sort of #persona, then you've got a real problem coming.
What You Can Do
First and foremost, #chill out! I know this is your first romantic relationship and he's your first boyfriend. You two probably have already experienced many "firsts" together (i.e. your #firstkiss, the first time you hold hands, the first time you leave town and he's left to deal with the sadness of being without you) but let me tell you now, if you and him are the real deal, there will be many more of those to come. And you won't last very long if you are so tense with worries all the time (this applies to him as well). So just sit back and #enjoytheride. Even if you find some of the first experiences bothersome, you will get through them if you want to work things out. The bottom line is, you both care so much about each other and you should always remind yourselves that!
Find out why you find it funny when he cries. There must be a reason why you react the way you do. Could it be you find a crying man #amusing? Could it just be nervous laughter due to your not quite sure what to respond? Or could it be that you aren't used to being #influential to someone else in that way? No matter what it is, you have to know. By understanding yourself, you are actually doing your relationship a great favor. Because then you will get to explain things more clearly instead of answering "I don't know", which really does not help when explanations are necessary to move past certain conflicts. So #grabachair, or lay down on the couch for a moment. Take some time to explore your inner self. After all, this is part of a growing process and it won't be a waste of time!
"Let him know you just want to understand so that you can better reassure him. Yes, reassure him."
Control means respect. He obviously has a problem with your laughing at him when he's expressing his feelings to you so candidly. Trust me, you are definitely a lucky girlfriend. Because you can do a whole lot worse with a boy who's detached with his own emotions that it would take so much more time and energy just to get him to speak of them. BUT, having a sensitive boyfriend has its downfalls as well, which means you may be required to practice self-control more often. There's such a thing called #respect that is totally underrated yet is all too important in any relationship. Once you are more aware of his #emotions, you should learn to restrict negative reactions accordingly so as to not hurt his feelings. You do this not to act like someone else you are not, you do this as a way to show him you care about him most of all.
Ask him about his #concerns. Similar to your laughing in his face, his sadness must have its own reason. Could it be he's worried you might meet someone else while being out of town? Could it be you guys do things together all the time and he's sad not being able to have that in a while? Or could it be he's using his tears to hopefully stop you from leaving? So next time this same subject comes up, ask him right there and then but approach it nicely. Let him know you just want to understand so that you can better reassure him. Yes, reassure him. We all need a little #reassurance at one point or another and you would be surprised by its power.
State that you like "us". This is another way — a more direct way — to reassure him about your relationship and how much it means to you. Some people need to hear it to believe it even if the truth should be obvious enough. BUT, be careful while executing it. This is not to be used to avoid further communication with each other on the subject matter (you don't want to come off seeming you are bluffing to get him off your case); rather, by saying it at the right time, it would be an effective #sweetener that helps bring the conversation to a happy close.
Love can be a #delicate thing. By understanding your own unique love formula and exploring it, you find true happiness as a couple. The things you do for your loved ones would be appreciated even if not always expressed verbally. You should feel it when you're least #expecting — in his doing.
Need relationship advice? Ask away! We are not far away. We are just one screen away. To submit your question, click here.
Julie Y. Barris
Founder | Chief Editor | Advice Guru of Moody Melon Magazine
I am an author, artist, entrepreneur, and a graphic designer with a unique vision to contribute to the world one idea at a time. Besides creating and inventing things, I’m also fascinated by the human mind. I enjoy helping others help themselves by giving them advice on family and relationship matters.