When Love Feels Like a Lie: How to Reclaim Your Self-Respect After Invalidation

Julie Barris | Crisis Counselor | Therapist-in-Training
3 days ago
3 min read

When others dismiss your feelings or downplay your experiences, it's time to draw the line and reclaim your self-respect after invalidation. You don’t need their permission to feel what you feel.

When Love Feels Like a Lie: How to Reclaim Your Self-Respect After Invalidation

You speak your truth. You open your heart. You say, “That hurt me.”And they roll their eyes. Laugh. Tell you you're being too much.

If you’ve ever felt invisible in a room full of people who claim to love you, you’re not imagining things. Emotional invalidation is real—and when it comes from the people closest to us, it cuts the deepest. But here’s the good news: You don’t have to wait for someone else to understand you in order to value yourself.

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What Invalidation Really Feels Like

It often starts subtly. A sigh when you express frustration. A sarcastic “Here we go again.” Being told to “get over it” when you’re still grieving, hurting, or processing something painful. At first, it’s easy to brush off. But over time, these small moments stack up. You begin to question your emotions. Maybe I am being dramatic. Maybe I am too sensitive. Maybe they’re right. And so you shrink—bit by bit—hoping your smaller, quieter self will be easier to love.

But shrinking never works. The truth is, emotional invalidation isn’t just a poor communication habit; it’s a sign of emotional misattunement, or worse, emotional neglect. When invalidation becomes a pattern, it creates an environment where you don’t feel safe to be your full self. And when you don’t feel emotionally safe, the relationship becomes a source of stress instead of support.

How to Reclaim Your Self-Respect

Reclaiming your self-respect doesn’t mean yelling to be heard or convincing others that your feelings are valid. It means showing up for yourself—especially when no one else will.

Start with self-validation. It may feel awkward at first, but saying out loud, “What I feel is real and deserves space,” is a powerful act of emotional resilience. You’re not asking for approval—you’re giving yourself permission. Next, start setting micro-boundaries. These don’t have to be confrontational. When someone talks over you, calmly say, “I wasn’t done speaking.” When someone brushes off your pain, try responding with, “I’m not looking for a solution right now—I just want to be heard.”

Most importantly, reconnect with your values. Ask yourself what kind of love, respect, and emotional connection you want in your life. Do you value honesty? Kindness? Emotional growth? If you do, then your relationships must reflect that. Living in alignment with your values—even when it's uncomfortable—is where self-respect is rebuilt.

When It’s Time to Move On

There’s a big difference between someone who struggles to understand your feelings and someone who consistently chooses not to. If you’ve communicated your needs clearly, offered room for growth, and you’re still met with blame, deflection, or mockery, it might be time to ask a harder question: What am I holding onto—and why?

Letting go doesn’t mean you didn’t love them. It doesn’t mean you didn’t try hard enough. And it certainly doesn’t mean you failed. Walking away from someone who invalidates your truth is not weakness—it’s strength. It’s choosing your peace over their comfort. It's the moment you decide to stop negotiating your worth in someone else’s emotional economy.

You deserve love that makes room for all of you. Not just the calm parts. Not just the convenient parts. But the messy, complicated, fully feeling you.

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You are not too much. You are not too sensitive. You are not broken. You are simply asking for the kind of love that doesn’t ask you to disappear in order to receive it.